Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I see many parents seem to have the work flexibility we yearn. DH travels quite a bit, and I've been told to be prepared for long hours when a project gets big. I was a SAHM for 4 years, and only recently, found a job. It's been hard finding a job after being at home for some time, and now, things are very new to us. I'm wondering people are so quick to judge - we have no choice with our work hours, and going in early and leaving early is not an option, as bosses meetings are held in the evenings (and we can't say sorry, I need to pick my kid up - unless you want to be fired). Also, while i was a SAHM, I've seen too many nannies/babysitters leaving kids on their own, not having a care in the world, being rude to the kids, and with the most disgusting hygiene (of course, working parents don't know this). It's almost gone phobic to leave my kid with a stranger. Some of you mothers think you have the best nanny in the world, then you're lucky. Others are not so lucky (and the worse is that they don't even know it).

The reason why I suggested library is because DD loves the library, and she loves to be read to. She's one of those who'll devour 10 Dr Seuss books if you'll let her....

Thanks for the input everyone. We'll figure out a way somehow.

Wow. You have a huge chip on your shoulder. Working parents get that not all nannies are great. That is why most of us worked hard, stayed at our jobs and earned the flexibility we have. I imagine it is quite challenging to return to work after being a sahm and find a job with flexibility. But I do not understand your priorities at all. First, you decided to become a sahm and now you are going to barely see your kid? This makes no sense. And your logic about a library being better at 6pm then your home borders on insane.

I think you may have glamorized returning to work and forgotten about reality. Unless you are desperate for money, look fir a more family friendly job. It may be beneath you. But sometimes in life we make sacrifices. or learn to trust a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I see many parents seem to have the work flexibility we yearn. DH travels quite a bit, and I've been told to be prepared for long hours when a project gets big. I was a SAHM for 4 years, and only recently, found a job. It's been hard finding a job after being at home for some time, and now, things are very new to us. I'm wondering people are so quick to judge - we have no choice with our work hours, and going in early and leaving early is not an option, as bosses meetings are held in the evenings (and we can't say sorry, I need to pick my kid up - unless you want to be fired). Also, while i was a SAHM, I've seen too many nannies/babysitters leaving kids on their own, not having a care in the world, being rude to the kids, and with the most disgusting hygiene (of course, working parents don't know this). It's almost gone phobic to leave my kid with a stranger. Some of you mothers think you have the best nanny in the world, then you're lucky. Others are not so lucky (and the worse is that they don't even know it).

The reason why I suggested library is because DD loves the library, and she loves to be read to. She's one of those who'll devour 10 Dr Seuss books if you'll let her....

Thanks for the input everyone. We'll figure out a way somehow.

Youre insane. I was a SAHM for 7 years and used many of the lovely nannies i met for babysitting of my own children. I think you have weird hang ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. You had a family. Move her aftercare to the Y, they close at 6:30. Then rearrange your schedules so that someone gets her by 6:30. That's what the rest of us do.

Maybe they are police officers or other shift workers who don't have much control over hours.

Working in downtown DC and living in Arlington? Doubt it.

ER docs then?

My husband is a fed attorney and he acts like he has to stay at work until unpredictable times each night, often getting home between 6:45 and 7:45. If he had to leave reliably each day at 5:15, which is when he'd have to leave for 6pm pick-up, he would complain endlessly. He leaves at that time maybe 2x a week max, and acts like it's a big and noticeable deal. It seems to me like it's very important to him to be one of the last people there each night, and when I suggest he adapt an earlier and more consistent schedule he freaks out (he frequently doesn't leave the house until 8:45 or 9). If we were both this way, as I suspect OP and spouse are, it would be unworkable. It's MY flexibility that makes it work...someone has to have some flex.

That is frustrating. I'm a government attorney too, and often work more than 40 hours a week. But I can do a good bit of that at home after the kids go to bed. Is that an option for him? Or does he care about the face time? FWIW, my bosses know I work at home at night and get my work done.[/quot

I wish telework was an option. But his boss frowns upon it and FaceTime does seem important. Thankfully he can be home for pick up with planning but the inconsistency is rough and some times things pop up that we haven't planned. It does seem like most moms at his office leave early and he either isn't comfortable with that or feels it would look bad. What a load of crap in 2017! I also didn't mean gov attorneys don't work hard, I know they do, it's just that I know some have more regular hours than others and I wish my DH was one of them often!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/330626.page

Look what I found on the Nanny forum....hhmmmmmmmm

OP gets the first nomination in 2017 for shitty parenting. What a freak!

[Anonymous]

I sort of get this, although not all of it. I think am au pair would be a great solution for you. It's a very trusted and very flexible option.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of snark on this thread, but folks are right. You need an after-school nanny who takes the child to your own home and lets the child just relax a little. It'll be easier for everyone, and your child will develop a loving and trusting relationship with their after school care provider, in a place where the child is comfortable.

Here's the thing - I've worked full-time outside the home, stayed home, and worked part-time and have had a chance to see the best and worst of all worlds. Your kid needs a chance to decompress after a long day of school, with a predictable and trustworthy care provider. That person doesn't need to be you, but they need to be someone the child sees regularly and has a chance to bond with. It helps to do that at home.

Get over your drama. Interview 20 care providers if you need to, and find someone you TRUST to care for your child in your home. Everyone will be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I see many parents seem to have the work flexibility we yearn. DH travels quite a bit, and I've been told to be prepared for long hours when a project gets big. I was a SAHM for 4 years, and only recently, found a job. It's been hard finding a job after being at home for some time, and now, things are very new to us. I'm wondering people are so quick to judge - we have no choice with our work hours, and going in early and leaving early is not an option, as bosses meetings are held in the evenings (and we can't say sorry, I need to pick my kid up - unless you want to be fired). Also, while i was a SAHM, I've seen too many nannies/babysitters leaving kids on their own, not having a care in the world, being rude to the kids, and with the most disgusting hygiene (of course, working parents don't know this). It's almost gone phobic to leave my kid with a stranger. Some of you mothers think you have the best nanny in the world, then you're lucky. Others are not so lucky (and the worse is that they don't even know it).

The reason why I suggested library is because DD loves the library, and she loves to be read to. She's one of those who'll devour 10 Dr Seuss books if you'll let her....

Thanks for the input everyone. We'll figure out a way somehow.

I'm a former SAHM who went back to work and while I was also paranoid about nannies after my own time in the parks, I don't see how going to the library would solve your problem. It's not going to fix any of the issues you are worried about. Also, as you're thinking about things, be honest with yourself about the source of your paranoias. If I'm honest, I think a lot of the issues I was so paranoid about were not such a big deal and by far the worst behavior towards kids I ever saw was from their own mothers.

Going to the library is not a confined area, not behind closed doors. At least it's something DD likes to do i.e. reading. I can't totally do away with babysitters/nannies, that's for sure, but at least the risk of being abused etc is mitigated.

I think you're being a bit of a drama queen, OP. If you can't manage, then you need to reconsider working and go back to staying at home, or at least look for a new job that offers you some flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. You had a family. Move her aftercare to the Y, they close at 6:30. Then rearrange your schedules so that someone gets her by 6:30. That's what the rest of us do.

This is harsh, but true.

It's not fair to the kid OP. Somebody who is an adult needs to adapt. Not the kid, one of you, the parents that chose to bring a child into the world.

This, 100 times over. Come on, OP. You know this isn't fair to the child. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot of snark on this thread, but folks are right. You need an after-school nanny who takes the child to your own home and lets the child just relax a little. It'll be easier for everyone, and your child will develop a loving and trusting relationship with their after school care provider, in a place where the child is comfortable.

Here's the thing - I've worked full-time outside the home, stayed home, and worked part-time and have had a chance to see the best and worst of all worlds. Your kid needs a chance to decompress after a long day of school, with a predictable and trustworthy care provider. That person doesn't need to be you, but they need to be someone the child sees regularly and has a chance to bond with. It helps to do that at home.

Get over your drama. Interview 20 care providers if you need to, and find someone you TRUST to care for your child in your home. Everyone will be better off.

I can't imagine having to go to the library after a long day. Where will she eat snack? Decompress?

My DC's friend goes to before-care and after-care on the same day which makes for a very long day. Up to 11 hours per day. There's very little time leftover at the end day for play and relaxation at home.

[Anonymous]

You just need to learn how to screen your babysitters better. Here's my advice: get an Au Pair. Ditch the after school care altogether and let your kid relax at home. Yes, there is a remote threat of child abuse. But your child is verbal and would be able to tell you.

[Anonymous]

If you can't get over your unfounded fear of babysitters, then it sounds like you have an anxiety problem and probably shouldn't be working at all. Sorry.

PS some of my part time nannies were incredible gifts to our family. A couple of them were college kids and just came back and spent thanksgiving with us. They're like family and i'd trust them with my life. No exaggeration. If you can't find someone -- a single person anywhere -- that you trust to leave with your kids, then don't work.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't have it both ways. You can't decide to go back to work but not trust nannies. If you're going to work, you need to be able to put your trust in the people who watch your children.

Also, you may have chosen your job poorly. Those of us who stayed in the workforce have often chosen jobs based on how flexible they are. Many of us took lower salaries and lower titles in order to have the work-life balance. And many of us also did so because our spouses/co-parents have little flexibility and someone has to be the default parent.

My ex gets deployed a lot (3-8 months a year) so I had to mommy-track myself. I miss my old career - it was better paid and more interesting and fulfilling - but I couldn't maintain the hours and the travel without a full-time co-parent helping out. Something had to give. Most full-time working moms know that something has to give - it's either husband's schedule, your schedule or you get a nanny who hangs at home with your kid.

[Anonymous]

I hired a local HS student to pick up my child when I couldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the other posters about replacing the school after-care with a nanny or home-based after-school care provider.

There is no real secret sauce, so sadly all the options people have outlined are the options you have.

However, I tend to think that this solution may be the best of the ones you are facing. For many of us with long hours, finding a great nanny is a great solution. Yes, you will have interview and interview, but based on your comments about babysitters, I just think paying for a nanny is where you are going to find the most satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone here -- you've got to get over your fear of the babysitter. Spend the money and go through a good nanny agency. Hire someone you feel confident in, check the references, do the background checks, and let your kid have some time to play at home.