What does "single Mom" mean?

[Anonymous]

There are benefits to being a married mom vs. a single/divorced/widowed mom. Married moms generally have two parents in one household vs. two households, which can be hugely cost-effective. And married moms don't have to worry about dating, which is a big bonus. And you theoretically get sex without people judging you for it. And married moms are more likely to have someone at home who is also responsible for the kids if they need to run out for a workout or a trip to the store. Huge bonus.

So when some of us with coparents are saying we are social moms, it's not like we're doing it for the awesome benefits. There's a stigma.

Those of us who are single moms with help recognize that we have it easier than those without help. that said, there are benefits to being an 100% single mom. Like never having to share your kid on significant holidays. It's annoying when your ex only has your kid once or twice a week but then gets 50% of the "good" holidays. And sometimes having to plan around someone else's schedule, or having to plan things by committee, can be harder than just doing things solo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always thought "single mom" meant a woman who has kid(s) but the father is completely out of the picture. She is 100% responsible for the kids, no custody with the father, etc.
But I've seen women on here and other sites refer to themselves as single moms, but then mention the kids going to be with their fathers. So does the term single mom actually mean divorced/seperated/single Mom, but not necessarily without help?

Genuinely curious because I may have been wrong my whole life!

That was me. But I think of single moms and dads more broadly as primary caregivers OR - if you are dating one, a mom or dad who is also single as opposed to married. Seems logical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are benefits to being a married mom vs. a single/divorced/widowed mom. Married moms generally have two parents in one household vs. two households, which can be hugely cost-effective. And married moms don't have to worry about dating, which is a big bonus. And you theoretically get sex without people judging you for it. And married moms are more likely to have someone at home who is also responsible for the kids if they need to run out for a workout or a trip to the store. Huge bonus.

So when some of us with coparents are saying we are social moms, it's not like we're doing it for the awesome benefits. There's a stigma.

Those of us who are single moms with help recognize that we have it easier than those without help. that said, there are benefits to being an 100% single mom. Like never having to share your kid on significant holidays. It's annoying when your ex only has your kid once or twice a week but then gets 50% of the "good" holidays. And sometimes having to plan around someone else's schedule, or having to plan things by committee, can be harder than just doing things solo.

Unless and until you are 100% responsible for your kid(s), you don't get to tell anyone what the benefits of being a 100% single mom are. Yes, sharing custody has compromises, pluses and minuses, I get it. But sorry, that is NOTHING compared to being totally responsible for raising your kids. Financially, emotionally, all of it. It is not harder that just doing things solo, especially when you have more than one kid. Try being both mom and dad to your kid. Try soothing your child when their dad says he's going to call and then doesn't. Again. Watch your 14 year old son's face when your he screws up the courage to email his dad to ask if he can see him over the weekend and his dad tells him he's busy with friends. I would love it if my kids dad showed a shred of interest in his kids. We were married for 15 years - and I think it would be easier on the kids if he'd just died. At least that's an explanation they could understand.

So if I were you, be grateful that your ex shows interest in your kids, and while it may seem inconvenient to you, it really is best for them. I would love that for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Divorced moms should call themselves divorced moms. Single moms means no dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always thought of single moms as people who are completely on their own taking care of their kids, so the father is totally out of the picture (no child support, no joint custody, etc).

Agree! I use this definition as well. Divorced mom are just that divorced moms who receive child support (and sometimes alimony). Divorced moms are not angle moms because they get a break and don't have the crippling poverty that sometimes comes along with single momhood.

That doesn't make any sense.

I'm a single mom. Never married, never divorced. No one else is named on my kid's birth certificate.

I make a good middle class living for my kid and me. No crippling poverty here.

Does that revoke my single mom card?

What about my single mom friend with the multi million dollar trust fund? Does she lose her card?

I have friends who are divorced, but don't get enough from their ex to keep their head above water -- do they get the single mom card?

Single mom has nothing to do with your income. It has nothing to do with how much your life sucks. My life doesn't suck at all, but I still qualify.

Single mom = mom who is single (not married, not partnered) that is all.

Sure, what you say is correct. But the way society uses the phrase is not the literal meaning of it. People use the phrase as a shortcut to mean a subset of the single moms you give as examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced moms should call themselves divorced moms. Single moms means no dad.

Agree.
Divirced moms who do 98% of the care are engaged in "solo parenting"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my husband is travelling and I have full responsibility of the kids I am a single mom

No way. And my husband travels a lot -- often for months at a time. If it comes up, I say I'm "solo parenting" while he's gone. It only really comes up with regard to being free to do non-kid stuff. It's not a badge of honor or ploy for sympathy. While I don't have the hands-on assistance at those times, I do have emotional and financial support that the vast majority of my actual single mom friends do not have.

[Anonymous]

Single mom / single dad. In the online dating world this means unattached adult with a child or children.

Basically no romantic partner. It doesn't speak to whether or not the ex has visitation or shared custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my husband is travelling and I have full responsibility of the kids I am a single mom

No. You. Are. Not.

Are you suddenly the sole provider? Do you pay all the bills?

You're delusional.

So any woman who gets child support then is also not a single mom as they too are not the sole provider or paying all the bills.

[Anonymous]

The answer is in the question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my husband is travelling and I have full responsibility of the kids I am a single mom

No. You. Are. Not.

Are you suddenly the sole provider? Do you pay all the bills?

You're delusional.

So any woman who gets child support then is also not a single mom as they too are not the sole provider or paying all the bills.

Well, as a technicality - I pay all the bills *and* then I get reimbursed via child support for a (small) percentage of child related expenses. But whether he comes through or not, I still have to write the check for all the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my husband is travelling and I have full responsibility of the kids I am a single mom

No. You. Are. Not.

Are you suddenly the sole provider? Do you pay all the bills?

You're delusional.

So any woman who gets child support then is also not a single mom as they too are not the sole provider or paying all the bills.

Well, as a technicality - I pay all the bills *and* then I get reimbursed via child support for a (small) percentage of child related expenses. But whether he comes through or not, I still have to write the check for all the bills.

If both parents are financially contributing then there isn't a sole provider. Bills are paid by contributions from both parents, regardless of who signs the checks. based on that earlier PPs definition of single parenting - a single parent would not get child support.

[Anonymous]

Single parent in my mind means one with no help from the other parent.

If the other parent is providing help then you're a co-parent. If you're divorced and the other parent is providing help then you're a divorced parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, a single mom is one who is not married (or in a marriage-like co-habitating relationship).

Divorced, never married, etc, but the father of the kid(s) doesn't live with the mom.

Doesn't mean she's on 100% of the time, or has the kids 100% of the time.

This x 1,000,000. I don't understand why people are arguing that single mom means one thing or another. It's pretty much an umbrella term for a mom who fits the description above.

[Anonymous]

I would consider a "single mom" a mom who is not married, regardless of father's involvement. More that she is available than whether she has help or not.....but maybe I am wrong too!