Uncomfortable religious situations you were forced into

[Anonymous]

I'm Jewish from a basically non-practicing family but we never did anything Christian.

Had a job out of grad school with DC gov't at a social service office. Director hired me to be the token white person (I wish I had known she hated white people - some of my co-workers were wonderful but the high ups hated me even though they choose me and made it clear my race was a problem). They would not give me any work beyond secretarial (not in my scope but I happily did it) and clean up/support work. At Christmas, the Director tasked me with decorating for Christmas. I told her I had no idea how to do a Christmas tree she provided but if she insisted I'd do the best I could. She flipped out I did the lights wrong. She didn't give me any ornaments and told me to figure it out. I used some of the toys we had in the office. It actually looked pretty nice and kid friendly but of course she wasn't too happy about it (others were very amused).

Transfered to another county. They did a lot of prayers at group meals they would get upset about you opting out of. It was extremely uncomfortable and when I told my supervisor I'd prefer not to she made all kinds of threats. The irony was during her staff meetings she always ranted about being culturally sensitive and respecting others beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And to this day in your grown up skin you still feel uncomfortable about the situation ?

You need a hobby. It's not like you were tortured.

+1

This family was doing you, and/or your mom, a FAVOR, OP. Are you so ungracious for their hospitality that this is what you remember?

Seriously what the fuck - someone hosting your kid does NOT give them the right to haul your kid to their church multiple times, force the kid to attend a bible study on top of that, and then ask him/her what he/she thought. Are you fucking serious? This is not some version of hotel payment - "We give you a bed, you give your soul to Jesus." PP was NOT obliged to observe their religion and in fact, doing that to the PP was genuinely invasive. I would remember it with discomfort too.

Really? Then perhaps mama should have made other arrangements, or thought about this first. The family has a right to practice whatever religion they want. If kids are there, they go to church with us, too. That's certainly the rule in our house.

I approve. I think forcing your religion on people like this is the best way to inoculate them against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Which part of "why did her mother send her over there for three days in the first place" is such an alien language to such militant anti-religious people?

This is hysterical.

Having someone's kid in your house does not give you the right to force your religion on them, period. A mom should be able to trust a family friend to watch her kid for a few days without having to explicitly say, "Don't try to force your religion on my kid, please. These are basic rules of polite society, like keeping a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom, or washing your hands before a meal, or remembering to do your laundry.

If you are a Christian family who is doing a favor by hosting a non-Christian kid, and if the kid looks like he's able to be at home alone for 2 hours a day (like the PP, a teenager, was clearly capable of) then give him a cheery good morning on Sunday, show him where the cereal is, tell him not to open the door for strangers, and whisk your Christian family off to church. Your guest can stay at home.

Because that is a basic expectation of polite, secular society. You're welcome.

Hysterical = extraneous underlying and overly emotional rhetoric. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Complaining about a prayer tradition at a religiously founded hospital is like choosing to work at a Catholic school and complaining about having to go to Mass, or choosing to work as a secretary at an Islamic center then complaining about having to wear a hijab.

No, actually you are implying that the nurse, or the teacher, or the secretary has a choice. Very often, especially in this economy, people do not have a choice. People need to find work within commuting distance, with insurance, with a salary they can manage their household on, and they often need to accept the first job offer they're given now because rent is due next month and they have credit card bills to pay off.

People do not always have the luxury of choosing their employment and if an atheist is at a private hospital, then she has the right to practice as a nurse without having an oppressively religious environment forced on her, such as public, communal prayer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Which part of "why did her mother send her over there for three days in the first place" is such an alien language to such militant anti-religious people?

This is hysterical.

Having someone's kid in your house does not give you the right to force your religion on them, period. A mom should be able to trust a family friend to watch her kid for a few days without having to explicitly say, "Don't try to force your religion on my kid, please. These are basic rules of polite society, like keeping a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom, or washing your hands before a meal, or remembering to do your laundry.

If you are a Christian family who is doing a favor by hosting a non-Christian kid, and if the kid looks like he's able to be at home alone for 2 hours a day (like the PP, a teenager, was clearly capable of) then give him a cheery good morning on Sunday, show him where the cereal is, tell him not to open the door for strangers, and whisk your Christian family off to church. Your guest can stay at home.

Because that is a basic expectation of polite, secular society. You're welcome.

Hysterical = extraneous underlying and overly emotional rhetoric. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Jewish and have spent time with Catholics and people of lots of other religions. It's mostly gone swimmingly. We used to host a Passover seder and we fell into an unintentional habit of always inviting someone who wasn't Jewish. Once it was my Italian friend in high school, once it was my brother's Indian friend in college, etc.

When I went to college, I didn't drink (not for religious reasons) and all the other girls on my floor were big partiers. The RA hated me - I think they all thought I looked down on them? But she scheduled a mandatory floor meeting at a dining hall during Yom Kippur, when I was fasting. I went to her and said due to religious reasons I wouldn't be able to attend, and she made a big deal about "You may only be a freshman but you should learn in your English 101 class what mandatory means, you're going to get in huge trouble and possibly kicked out of school if you don't show, etc."

I got so worried I went to the RA in another building - he was really cool and we'd become friendly - to talk with him about it. He laughed and was like "Come hang out with me that day. So we sat on his bed all day on Yom Kippur talking and listening to Janet Jackson. I did NOT get kicked out of school for missing the meeting and my RA never said a word about it to me.

Later, before winter break, she had a floor meeting. She called each girl's name one by one and handed each girl a Christmas card. Towards the end, she called my name. I went up, and she said, in front of everyone, "You know, I had a Jewish kid last year who I gave a Christmas card to, and she got all bent out of shape about it, so I didn't get you one so you wouldn't be offended." Everyone laughed as I sat back down.

I haven't thought of that in DECADES! Damn, she was ignorant!

She sounds like a jerk, but I don't see why you couldn't go to a meeting in a dining hall on Yom Kippur. You can be around food, you just don't eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, why not ask the nurse to quit her salaried position with benefits in a bad economy when she has rent to pay and possibly kids to feed? In no way should her civil rights be respected.

Getting sexually harassed at work? Well don't work at that place if you want to make a stand against sexual harassment. Starve on the streets for your principles!

Getting racially discriminated against at work? Well don't work at that place if you want to make a stand against racism. Starve on the streets for your principles!

Getting religiously discriminated against at work? ...oh wait.

You are being silly PP.

Complaining about a prayer tradition at a religiously founded hospital is like choosing to work at a Catholic school and complaining about having to go to Mass, or choosing to work as a secretary at an Islamic center then complaining about having to wear a hijab.

Or working for the RNC when you're a Dem and being expected to root for Trump. Or working at Ruth' Chris Steak House when you're a vegetarian.

Not at ALL comparable to the examples about sexual harassment and racial discrimination, which shouldn't happen at ANY workplace. Any thinking person can see the difference.

Some people just like to feel victimized. Atheists are obviously no exception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought about this because I have my own children now and can't imagine forcing one of their friends to attend a religious service with us.

thoughts? Do you think its ok to force someone to attend a religious function?

Yes if you have asked them to care for your child and they graciously have agreed. If that is not your wish, ask somebody else but a family should not have to change their plans while doing you a favor. If a family asked me to care for their child for the weekend I absolutely would not leave that child unattended anywhere - certainly not in my home, but I would also tell the family that we do attend Mass and their child could either come along or they could make an arrangement for someone else to babysit during that time.

OP - i'm curious what religion they were that were so counter to your Protestant upbringing. Did you ever find out? It certainly sounds like another protestant faith yet you say it was directly at odds with what you believed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Complaining about a prayer tradition at a religiously founded hospital is like choosing to work at a Catholic school and complaining about having to go to Mass, or choosing to work as a secretary at an Islamic center then complaining about having to wear a hijab.

No, actually you are implying that the nurse, or the teacher, or the secretary has a choice. Very often, especially in this economy, people do not have a choice. People need to find work within commuting distance, with insurance, with a salary they can manage their household on, and they often need to accept the first job offer they're given now because rent is due next month and they have credit card bills to pay off.

People do not always have the luxury of choosing their employment and if an atheist is at a private hospital, then she has the right to practice as a nurse without having an oppressively religious environment forced on her, such as public, communal prayer.

They do have a choice.

Employment is voluntary. There are secular and public employment options. If you voluntarily take a job at a private or faith based institution or choose to attend a religious school, then yes, that is a choice and you have no right to complain about the religious culture and or traditions of the private or religious institution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Complaining about a prayer tradition at a religiously founded hospital is like choosing to work at a Catholic school and complaining about having to go to Mass, or choosing to work as a secretary at an Islamic center then complaining about having to wear a hijab.

No, actually you are implying that the nurse, or the teacher, or the secretary has a choice. Very often, especially in this economy, people do not have a choice. People need to find work within commuting distance, with insurance, with a salary they can manage their household on, and they often need to accept the first job offer they're given now because rent is due next month and they have credit card bills to pay off.

People do not always have the luxury of choosing their employment and if an atheist is at a private hospital, then she has the right to practice as a nurse without having an oppressively religious environment forced on her, such as public, communal prayer.

They do have a choice.

Employment is voluntary. There are secular and public employment options. If you voluntarily take a job at a private or faith based institution or choose to attend a religious school, then yes, that is a choice and you have no right to complain about the religious culture and or traditions of the private or religious institution.

Holy shit, your reading comprehension is marvelous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, why not ask the nurse to quit her salaried position with benefits in a bad economy when she has rent to pay and possibly kids to feed? In no way should her civil rights be respected.

Getting sexually harassed at work? Well don't work at that place if you want to make a stand against sexual harassment. Starve on the streets for your principles!

Getting racially discriminated against at work? Well don't work at that place if you want to make a stand against racism. Starve on the streets for your principles!

Getting religiously discriminated against at work? ...oh wait.

You are being silly PP.

Complaining about a prayer tradition at a religiously founded hospital is like choosing to work at a Catholic school and complaining about having to go to Mass, or choosing to work as a secretary at an Islamic center then complaining about having to wear a hijab.

Or working for the RNC when you're a Dem and being expected to root for Trump. Or working at Ruth' Chris Steak House when you're a vegetarian.

Not at ALL comparable to the examples about sexual harassment and racial discrimination, which shouldn't happen at ANY workplace. Any thinking person can see the difference.

Some people just like to feel victimized. Atheists are obviously no exception.

Seriously.

It is like if my carnivore husband took an office job at PETA because it was the most convenient and only one hiring, then getting indignant that PETA is infringing on his rights because they won't allow him to eat his pulled pork sandwich at lunch and requires him to watch and talk about animal slaughterhouse videos.

[Anonymous]

Seriously. 

It is like if my carnivore husband took an office job at PETA because it was the most convenient and only one hiring, then getting indignant that PETA is infringing on his rights because they won't allow him to eat his pulled pork sandwich at lunch and requires him to watch and talk about animal slaughterhouse videos.


Totally different from the RA at a secular university or trying to convert/save tue neighbor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Jewish and have spent time with Catholics and people of lots of other religions. It's mostly gone swimmingly. We used to host a Passover seder and we fell into an unintentional habit of always inviting someone who wasn't Jewish. Once it was my Italian friend in high school, once it was my brother's Indian friend in college, etc.

When I went to college, I didn't drink (not for religious reasons) and all the other girls on my floor were big partiers. The RA hated me - I think they all thought I looked down on them? But she scheduled a mandatory floor meeting at a dining hall during Yom Kippur, when I was fasting. I went to her and said due to religious reasons I wouldn't be able to attend, and she made a big deal about "You may only be a freshman but you should learn in your English 101 class what mandatory means, you're going to get in huge trouble and possibly kicked out of school if you don't show, etc."

I got so worried I went to the RA in another building - he was really cool and we'd become friendly - to talk with him about it. He laughed and was like "Come hang out with me that day. So we sat on his bed all day on Yom Kippur talking and listening to Janet Jackson. I did NOT get kicked out of school for missing the meeting and my RA never said a word about it to me.

Later, before winter break, she had a floor meeting. She called each girl's name one by one and handed each girl a Christmas card. Towards the end, she called my name. I went up, and she said, in front of everyone, "You know, I had a Jewish kid last year who I gave a Christmas card to, and she got all bent out of shape about it, so I didn't get you one so you wouldn't be offended." Everyone laughed as I sat back down.

I haven't thought of that in DECADES! Damn, she was ignorant!

She sounds like a jerk, but I don't see why you couldn't go to a meeting in a dining hall on Yom Kippur. You can be around food, you just don't eat it.

You do realize it is a major holiday and its inappropriate.

I get so many Christmas cards and presents when people know I am not Christian. I hated getting Christmas crap at work (i.e. mugs with Christmas candy) as the person expected me to say thank you and make a fuss and I refused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Room mother in Catholic school started speaking in tongues during a prayer circle.

Speaking in tongues is not generally a Catholic thing.

Was she a charismatic Catholic? That seemd to be a thing during the late 70s-early 80s.

In grad school I moved to the same city as my godmother, whom I didn't know well. She invited me to go to mass with her family, so I did without any questions because I've been to mass around the world and it is pretty consistent.

It turns out it was a charismatic Catholic Church. At first I was taken aback to say the least. I had never seen Catholics have so much fun at church. There was hugging and people shouting amen and everyone held hands and sang all of the hymns enhusiastically.

There was so much joy, and I was embarrassed at my own discomfort. And I really didn't want my godmother to be embarrassed of me, so I joined in. I have to say that it made me appreciate why people might attend more lively churches. I walked out of there feeling like we had really celebrated the mass.

I am disappointed that nobody was speaking in tongues though, that would have really been something to experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in college, I went for a weekend visit to my close friend's home (same floor as me in our dorm) because her hometown was a one-hour drive from campus. I knew she was Christian, but I didn't know how fucking Christian. She wanted to take me to church and decided to pick out a progressive Church with a rock band (?) in order to give me a better inroad to Jesus or something, instead of her parents' very staid, we-are-wealthy-Protestants-who-burn-for-Jesus congregation.

Never asked me if I wanted to go. I was too timid to say I didn't want to go, plus I thought that somehow I would come off as the religiously intolerant one if I said no to attending her church. Worst part was, she knew how much I wasn't interested in Christianity and that I enjoyed my own private spirituality.

Oh jeez, those rock and roll churches always made me the MOST uncomfortable. I felt so silly, dorky, and embarrassed for them. I grew up Catholic, and definitely have always preferred a more traditional service (even as a teen). Those churches always an obnoxious youth pastor. Nothing worse than an over enthusiastic young adult trying to prove how much they click with the kids.

+1000. These churches are the worst. Remind of the younglife organization (which deserves its own thread to be talked about). I feel like those churches try to portray this whole "young and popular" Christianity vibe that just goes in a very different direction.

Ugh, Young Life. A group met at my high school during the before-school activity period. My friend and I didn't know what it was, so we decided to check it out. She was Hindu, and I was Baha'i, so that was an awkward 1/2 hour.