Bar/bat mitzvah t-shirts
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Anonymous
Defensive much? Your sports and sorority analogies display the logic and comprehension of a small child. |
Anonymous
Exactly! There were very few Jewish kids in my middle school, but I'm sure if I went to one of the W school feeders (we are zoned for one) I wouldn't have been invited to many. It definitely would have hurt my feelings. By college, my social skills had improved + I was around more of "my people" + there were so many different social groups/clubs/greek organizations. I happily found a sorority, and I also had many friends who chose to stay independent. Greek letters and Bat Mitzvah tees on Monday are not AT ALL the same. |
Anonymous
| This is such an interesting post. We just had a Bat Mitzvah and did shirts. My daughter is not at a W feeder school and is one of maybe 3 Jewish kids in her class, the only one who had a BM. All of the invited kids wore the shirts the next day and I thought of it as celebrating her - and supporting her Judaism since she is such a minority at the school. She wanted to give sweatshirts because it was a generous gift (believe me, we couldn’t do “all the trappings” so we spring for the shirts and cut back on other ways). I did not think of how it must make other kids feel who were not invited.. Ironically, we have a younger kid with autism who will be in middle school with a lot of other Jewish kids and I am certain will not be invited to many. She will not want to give away shirts at favors at hers, but this post has made me think differently. I also wanted to add another perspective as a parent who is not in one of those schools where this is commonplace. My daughter has a Jewish community from camp and Hebrew school, and most of them did an article of clothing as favors. I think she wanted to follow suit and give her non-Jewish friends something that felt personal and special. It really surprised me too that kids would wear something with other kids names on it! |
Anonymous
Not just t-shirts, but freaking hoodie sweatshirts at some W middle schools in MCPS. |
Anonymous
| We are in the DCC. We are letting my daughter give away sweatshirts. I definitely see the other side and discussed it with her a bunch. But I am comfortable that she isn’t really excluding people. I don’t know how many people will wear it. We didn’t put her name on it but instead something else she chose to represent her with the date. |
Anonymous
You sound like a mean mom who is raising mean kids. |
Anonymous
| Just another weapon in the social arms race. If schools banned the sweatshirts, it would be those metal bracelets. |
Anonymous
+1 I have kids at a W feeder MS and I would love it if the school would at least make parents aware that this is a form of exclusion. I honestly think half the parents who do the sweatshirts and t-shirts want to be exclusive and won't care, but the other half are just clueless that it makes other kids feel left out. It might cut down on the practice if the school administration pointed it out. |
Anonymous
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I certainly understand both sides.
As a parent of a child who had a bat mitzvah this year, I was dead set to not do clothing, but quickly realized it’s not as easy. I truly tried to steer her away from t-shirts, but at the same time, they were literally the cheapest gift we could find. In addition, she is at a W school and had mitzvahs every weekend and there was not one without a piece of clothing. We made sure that she invited everyone who invited her and anyone that she was friends with but of course that is only a small part of the total class. I don’t even think she cared about others wearing her shirt- she wanted it for herself! |
Anonymous
Seriously. |
Anonymous
| I have twins. One was on the A list and invited to many of these. The other wasn't, and well, wasn't. Honest to God's truth, the so-called left out kid could not have cared less. Your kids aren't as fragile as you think. |
Anonymous
| If he wasn’t friends with those kids he shouldn’t care. Those of us that grew up around Jewish kids all experiences this and it’s not a big deal. |
Anonymous
| My DD had a bat mitzvah last year, and honestly it would have been ridiculous for her to have given a shirt to every child in her grade. There are over 300 children in her grade and the cost of the shirts alone would be ridiculous. Additionally, we made sure she invited her whole soccer team (to make sure none were disclluded there), but to invite the whole grade? There are some kids she hates, or has never even talked to. Im sorry that these sensitive snowflakes can't deal with the fact that life is not always fair. |
Anonymous
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All 3 of my kids did hoodies (and when you buy in bulk they aren't anywhere near $55 - about half of that). Their MS had 375 kids per grade. That 20-25 of them (less than 10%) wear the sweatshirt really makes the other 325 (90%) feel bad? Get over yourself! The world doesn't owe you inviatations to every party, every event. And while 1 of my 3 was probably in the popular/in crowd, the other 2 were most definitely not. But they also worked hard, did an amazing job, and had tons of fun at their party. I had zero problem with the sweatshirts and would do it again in a second.
The kids wear shirts and hoodies from lots of different events they participate in, from 5k races to their soccer team to a charity event they volunteered at for SSL hours - I don't see a Mitzvah t-shirt or hoodie as anything different. It's not like an ES event where everyone gets a trophy. |
Anonymous
| We are in the process of buying sweatshirts for my daughter’s bat mitzvah party. They are $16.75 a piece. |