Bar/bat mitzvah t-shirts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kids give out shirts and hoodies with their name on them?

And other kids actually wear them? In public? Really?

Like a shirt that says "Rebecca's Bat Mitzvah" plastered across their chest?

That is kind of funny. Surprising and funny.

I'm the teacher at the W feeder MS. Not like that. The shirts and hoodies have the b'nai mitzvah kid's monogram and the date. I guess it's more tasteful than the shirts from 5 years ago that had witty sayings and clip art representing the theme. One child a few years back had a basketball theme and a minor NBA star was a guest. His shirts had a basketball and hoop on it.

No that's not more tasteful. It's weird. No one wants a wear a shirt with someone else's monogram and date for some event. And my kid would never wear that kind of a shirt. She would take it and say "thanks!" and we would drop it in the donation bag.

Some of you parents are just way too nice. I would just tell you exactly what I have said here and if any kid ever dared mocked my kid for not having such a shirt and I overheard, I would also tell the kid the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are young, but do kids really wear some other kid's bar mitzvah shirt to school? How often?

I teach in a W feeder MS. All the guests wear them on Mon morning. You can tell who the popular kids are. They all have one. The unpopular kids are wearing regular shirts. Also, actual hoodies were popular the last two years so those are actually worn quite often throughout the winter months. Outside of DC, LA, and NYC, who can afford a $55 sweatshirt for each guest, plus catered food, a DJ, a dance coach and backup dancers, private Hebrew tutor, and all of these other trappings? If you have a DD, how do you save up for a wedding to top that 15 years later?

Dance coach? Backup dancers?

[Anonymous]

We are at a W feeder MS, and my daughter is invited to one nearly every weekend, almost always coming home with a t-shirt. All the kids who went wear the shirts to school on Monday. I think it's awful and wish the school would ban this silly and hurtful practice. We encourage DD not to wear the shirt out of consideration for those not invited. (She doesn't always comply.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are at a W feeder MS, and my daughter is invited to one nearly every weekend, almost always coming home with a t-shirt. All the kids who went wear the shirts to school on Monday. I think it's awful and wish the school would ban this silly and hurtful practice. We encourage DD not to wear the shirt out of consideration for those not invited. (She doesn't always comply.)

Tilden?

Ask the counselors if they would talk to all the kids about it. The students themselves are aware that it makes the excluded kids feel uncomfortable, but they may need help deciding how to address the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my niece and nephew's affluent suburban NJ middle school in NJ about 5 years ago, this phenomenon really went beyond all reason. Hoodies, jackets, sweatpants, really high end with embroidery etc.
It was really out of hand, so the school instituted a policy so kids would not wear the items to school.
Parents started switching to personalized blankets for each guests.
So crazy.

Let me guess: BJ in Livingston.

I was thinking Woodcliff Lake ( high school is Pascack Hills) in Bergen County.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are at a W feeder MS, and my daughter is invited to one nearly every weekend, almost always coming home with a t-shirt. All the kids who went wear the shirts to school on Monday. I think it's awful and wish the school would ban this silly and hurtful practice. We encourage DD not to wear the shirt out of consideration for those not invited. (She doesn't always comply.)

Why don't you ask the school to ban this practice then? And set limits on your child. If you know it's hurtful it makes sense for you to not allow it.

[Anonymous]

Yesterday, there were navy blue long-sleeve tees with huge bright orange initials across the back and shoulders. No way to miss who was excluded from that one.

[Anonymous]

Which middle schools is this a common practice? The W schools? My dd will be going to JW and I have no plans to hand out t-shirts/sweatpants/hoodies at her Bat Mitzvah.

[Anonymous]

Agree with OP and several PPs: Please no T-Shirts. And if your kids goes to one of these parties and receives a T Shirt as a favor & wants to wear it on Monday, ask them if they think that is a kind thing to do. Ask them how they think it will make other kids who were not invited feel. (And I think your kid will likely decide on his/her own not to wear it on Monday).

No way does the entire grade need to be invited. But it reinforces a negative exclusionary/clique-y vibe, so why do this?

[Anonymous]

9:33 PP here. I meant, why give out T-Shirts? (give some other party favor that won't come to school or make a donation to a charity picked by the kid being celebrated or whatever).

[Anonymous]

To the PPs who wrote about social media: not all middle school kids have cell phones or are on social media. So it's not a fact that all kids hear about these events regardless of the t-shirts. The t-shirts are the problem and don't belong in school.

[Anonymous]

Some people are way too sensitive. Not everyone can be invited to everything. If your 13 year old hasn't internalized that concept by this point you've done them a huge disservice. Are you going to follow them to college and ask girls in sororities to not wear anything indicating they're in that too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday, there were navy blue long-sleeve tees with huge bright orange initials across the back and shoulders. No way to miss who was excluded from that one.

So the hosts are broncos fans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are way too sensitive. Not everyone can be invited to everything. If your 13 year old hasn't internalized that concept by this point you've done them a huge disservice. Are you going to follow them to college and ask girls in sororities to not wear anything indicating they're in that too?

That's not the point. There's a role for parents here to teach kindness, consideration and compassion for others at this age. I think you've also done your child a disservice if you don't teach them empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are way too sensitive. Not everyone can be invited to everything. If your 13 year old hasn't internalized that concept by this point you've done them a huge disservice. Are you going to follow them to college and ask girls in sororities to not wear anything indicating they're in that too?

You honestly can't distinguish between being 13 in MS with a few hundred classmates and the same 50 popular kids vs. 18 at a college with thousands of young adults in hundreds of clubs?