Neighbor kids conned my kid out of piggy bank $- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This calls for a sit down with the Grandma, preferably with the little kid in earshot. It's not about the $6.
This little kid went through a hard time but it appears there are lessons she needs to learn in life that her parents did not teach her. The Grandma needs to know and the money must be returned. That is not a nice thing to do. How is she going to make and keep friends if she goes through life thinking that conning and stealing from friends and neighbors will be overlooked? What will actually happen is no one will invite her back to their house.

This kind of thing happens at my NW private elementary school all the time. Caught my kid 'selling' pieces of his gum to his friends for matchbox cars and baseball cards. Unclench.

Totally agree. We live in Bethesda and this has happened multiple times. Usually it's easy to tell when the other kid is trying to "con" my kids because they all look sheepish. If my kids did the "conning" I explain that it's important to be fair to others and not take advantage of them, you will just feel bad in the end even if you get the thing you want and I expect better of them. I have told my kids this multiple times. It's part of what you have to teach kids.

If I were you, OP, I would mention it to the girl next time she comes over, int he context of being an adult who cares about her. Tell her she's older and should watch out for younger kids. She likely has no idea what the issue even is. It's human nature to barter this way. Our entire society is built on that kind of interaction.

I agree with this advice. I would give the friend the benefit of the doubt that she was not intending to be malicious, but she does need to know what she did was wrong. In your house people do not have to pay to play with toys. I would have the same conversation with the friend that I would with my own child if she was the one taking the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child is 6yo, not 3yo. I would take this as a teaching opportunity.

I have 5yo and 7yo boys. Last year, our 8yo neighbor conned my boys out of Pokemon cards. It wasn't exactly conning but older kid took obvious advantage. 7yo is old enough to trade and quickly realized it was a bad trade. I did not say anything to neighbor except to trade with just his brother.

Then one time 8yo came over and took a handful of 4yo's pokemon cards. it was not a trade. he asked if he could have them. i ran out and asked for the cards back.

Teaching moment. I wouldn't say anything to the other family. You should be teaching your kid not to open the piggy bank without getting permission from you first.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the grandmom. The chid is no longer invited over as she can not be trusted.

Punish your daughter for knowing and doing nothing. What a horrible older sister.

Teach the younger one not to be a pushover.

[Anonymous]

Talk to Grandma in person. I'm surprised at all the posters saying let this one go. This is not about the money, it's about letting Grandma know so that she can help adjust her grandkid's moral compass. Her grandkid needs to know it is not right to take advantage of a younger kid's ignorance.

And yes, agree that your older kid definitely needed to step up and protect her younger sibling. That is way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, let's play this out...

1) you tell the grandma
2) grandma gets upset with i) your accusation; and ii) her grand-daughter if it's true
3) so, grandma asks her grand-daughter
4) (most likely) grand-daughter tells her it's not true and makes up some story which, most likely, grandma will believe
5) grandma gets pissed at OP and OP's kids
6) OP just lost her neighbor; and
7) OP's kids lost their friend

Or:

1) You tell grandma
2) Grandma says, "Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to grandkid about it."
3) Grandma talks to grandkid and either believes her or doesn't believer her, and says, "Ok, but you know it's WRONG to make a younger kid pay to play with own toy, right"?
4) Grandkid hopefully gets it and does not repeat the behavior. Moral character shaped for the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a lesson you need to address with your own DC. It wasn't very nice of the kid to take advantage of your child especially since she was the guest but that's not really the main issue that should concern you. Please focus on your own child.

My own child has made a number of crappy deals with older kids and I told him so. But I didn't get involved and you an bet DC didn't make those kinds of deals again.

OP definitely needs to focus on her kids and correct the behavior of both of them. But it takes a village, and if it was my kid or grandkid pulling this kind of behavior when she's a guest in someone's home, I sure as hell would want the playdate host to tell me so that I can sit down with my kid and let them know that it is unacceptable to take advantage of a younger kid. I'm trying to raise a kid who will grow up into a decent adult human being here...so I'd appreciate the heads-up from a neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This calls for a sit down with the Grandma, preferably with the little kid in earshot. It's not about the $6.
This little kid went through a hard time but it appears there are lessons she needs to learn in life that her parents did not teach her. The Grandma needs to know and the money must be returned. That is not a nice thing to do. How is she going to make and keep friends if she goes through life thinking that conning and stealing from friends and neighbors will be overlooked? What will actually happen is no one will invite her back to their house.

This kind of thing happens at my NW private elementary school all the time. Caught my kid 'selling' pieces of his gum to his friends for matchbox cars and baseball cards. Unclench.

"Larlo, we don't treat our friends and guests like that." i.e. Try being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think like a school. They would inform both sets of parents regardless of history. Then each parent would do as they see fit regarding next steps. Inform the other parent or guardian and move on.

+1 This exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one was conned out of anything. The girl said if you give me money you can play. He gave her the money. Conning him would be along the lines of, "I'll just count your money and then give it back -- oh, where did it go?"

She may turn out to be a very successful adult, since she seems to understand how things work.

What? This kid basically took advantage of a much younger child's ignorance by convincing the younger kid to pay to play with his own toy. How is that not "conning"? If someone came up to you and said, "You have to pay me $100 to drive your own car," you'd tell that person to shove it.

If you define "success" as "getting money," then yes, maybe this kid will be "successful." If, however, you believe there are other things that are important in life, such as being a good and moral human being who is kind and helpful to others, instead of say, taking advantage of them, then maybe this kid will not turn out so great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normal kid behavior on both sides. You are pathologizing it because of the kid's background. Educate your child and move on.

It may be normal kid behavior but it still needs to be corrected. Yes, educate your own children. BUt also mention it to grandma so she can educate her grandkid.

[Anonymous]

Tell Grandma.

Don't let that kid play at your house again. The kid has serious problems. You don't need it in your house.

[Anonymous]

I would rather be told and have a chance to talk to my grandkid than have my grandkid banned from their friend's house and be given the stink eye forever because of a developmentally normal "crime."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, let's play this out...

1) you tell the grandma
2) grandma gets upset with i) your accusation; and ii) her grand-daughter if it's true
3) so, grandma asks her grand-daughter
4) (most likely) grand-daughter tells her it's not true and makes up some story which, most likely, grandma will believe
5) grandma gets pissed at OP and OP's kids
6) OP just lost her neighbor; and
7) OP's kids lost their friend

Or:

1) You tell grandma
2) Grandma says, "Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to grandkid about it."
3) Grandma talks to grandkid and either believes her or doesn't believer her, and says, "Ok, but you know it's WRONG to make a younger kid pay to play with own toy, right"?
4) Grandkid hopefully gets it and does not repeat the behavior. Moral character shaped for the better.

Yes! This is the "it takes a village" mentality. When we grew up and were all over the neighborhood if we got caught doing something wrong by another mom, they were on their rotary phone in no time.

It amazes me how many people just want to blow this off. The girl has some scars and issues. This could turn into something worse the next time if she thinks this is okay. It isn't just about the OP's kids. Let the Grandmom know. Let her decide what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This calls for a sit down with the Grandma, preferably with the little kid in earshot. It's not about the $6.
This little kid went through a hard time but it appears there are lessons she needs to learn in life that her parents did not teach her. The Grandma needs to know and the money must be returned. That is not a nice thing to do. How is she going to make and keep friends if she goes through life thinking that conning and stealing from friends and neighbors will be overlooked? What will actually happen is no one will invite her back to their house.

This kind of thing happens at my NW private elementary school all the time. Caught my kid 'selling' pieces of his gum to his friends for matchbox cars and baseball cards. Unclench.

"Larlo, we don't treat our friends and guests like that." i.e. Try being a parent.

Exactly. She is saying to unclench and her kid is the school bully and she is trying to rationalize it. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, let's play this out...

1) you tell the grandma
2) grandma gets upset with i) your accusation; and ii) her grand-daughter if it's true
3) so, grandma asks her grand-daughter
4) (most likely) grand-daughter tells her it's not true and makes up some story which, most likely, grandma will believe
5) grandma gets pissed at OP and OP's kids
6) OP just lost her neighbor; and
7) OP's kids lost their friend

Or:

1) You tell grandma
2) Grandma says, "Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to grandkid about it."
3) Grandma talks to grandkid and either believes her or doesn't believer her, and says, "Ok, but you know it's WRONG to make a younger kid pay to play with own toy, right"?
4) Grandkid hopefully gets it and does not repeat the behavior. Moral character shaped for the better.

Yes! This is the "it takes a village" mentality. When we grew up and were all over the neighborhood if we got caught doing something wrong by another mom, they were on their rotary phone in no time.

It amazes me how many people just want to blow this off. The girl has some scars and issues. This could turn into something worse the next time if she thinks this is okay. It isn't just about the OP's kids. Let the Grandmom know. Let her decide what to do.

Actually, in this child's case, the village failed her and she was bounced around and probably doesn't have strong attachments and worries day to day where she will be. Grandma needs to know to address it with her and help her through as part of building their relationship but the reasons why are different from a typical kid.