Neighbor kids conned my kid out of piggy bank $- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

So, let's play this out...

1) you tell the grandma
2) grandma gets upset with i) your accusation; and ii) her grand-daughter if it's true
3) so, grandma asks her grand-daughter
4) (most likely) grand-daughter tells her it's not true and makes up some story which, most likely, grandma will believe
5) grandma gets pissed at OP and OP's kids
6) OP just lost her neighbor; and
7) OP's kids lost their friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing. Natural consequences with little lost - there's a great lesson here. Make sure your child understands what happened so he won't fall for it again.

+1. I might mention it to the grandparents, in a "You won't believe this - Larla got Larlo to give her $6 to play with his own toy! He won't make that mistake again" way, just so they are aware of it.

Under no circumstances would I ask for the money back or accept it if offered. Right now the lesson you can teach your kid is to be careful with money and to think about the "deals" that come his way. If you get the money back for him, the lesson he learns is that he does not need to be careful because if he screws up, Mom will fix it.

[Anonymous]

ok I see your point there but under this umbrella of thinking, you should never bring up most issues with neighbors for fear it will ruin a potential relationship equal to the current length of your mortgage. This seems weird too.
Cant they just bring it up under the context of DS is a little upset because he has lost his piggy bank stash - seems like the kids used piggy bank money as currency during play by accident? Does it need to be presented as such a big deal? The kids all had a role in this really....

[Anonymous]

Something like this almost happened with my son at camp -- last year, I think. Some other boy was going to give him some amount of money ($6?) for my son to let him play with one of the camp toys. My son was five and usually is not at all the one you would think would engage in that behavior.

I found out about it because he told me himself. I told him that Indidnt think the other child would actually bring the money, but that if he did, my child would have to give it back. If my child came home with the $6, I would wonder where he got it, and make him give it back.

Would I want to be told by the other parents if the transaction had gone through and my son hadn't told me? Yes -- though in a nice non-judgmental way.

If my son had been the kid that was conned, I'm not sure what I would do. I might just chalk it up as a lesson to him. BUt I might say something only if I really thought it would be taken in the right spirit. Hard call.

[Anonymous]

That's what happens when a 6 yo boy crashes a Playdate of 9 yo girls. Tell the kid to leave them alone and have his own friends over!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This calls for a sit down with the Grandma, preferably with the little kid in earshot. It's not about the $6.
This little kid went through a hard time but it appears there are lessons she needs to learn in life that her parents did not teach her. The Grandma needs to know and the money must be returned. That is not a nice thing to do. How is she going to make and keep friends if she goes through life thinking that conning and stealing from friends and neighbors will be overlooked? What will actually happen is no one will invite her back to their house.

This kind of thing happens at my NW private elementary school all the time. Caught my kid 'selling' pieces of his gum to his friends for matchbox cars and baseball cards. Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing. Natural consequences with little lost - there's a great lesson here. Make sure your child understands what happened so he won't fall for it again.

+1. I might mention it to the grandparents, in a "You won't believe this - Larla got Larlo to give her $6 to play with his own toy! He won't make that mistake again" way, just so they are aware of it.

Under no circumstances would I ask for the money back or accept it if offered. Right now the lesson you can teach your kid is to be careful with money and to think about the "deals" that come his way. If you get the money back for him, the lesson he learns is that he does not need to be careful because if he screws up, Mom will fix it.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don't think the kid did anything wrong. Clearly your kid wanted the walker talkie bad enough to pay for it. Your kid didn't have to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your kids but after that just let it go. I am sure the grandma has a lot on her plate...

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

I think these sort of "financial" transactions are going to happen more and more, and I would just use this as a lesson to your kids, and not tell the Grandma. I also would keep an eye out on this girl....and when she comes over next, I would also mention something to the effect of that our rules are that we play fair in this house and that means with 6yo little brother. Meaning, don't tell her straight but that you expect this girl to treat the 6yo decently in his own house, otherwise you may have to determine that future playdates may not happen anymore because the rules aren't being followed. It is your house and while this will happen to your kids again at school and other places, home should be a safe haven. Also, GREAT teaching opp for your kids. My 5 yo has very little backbone (like me, her mom) and I try to do a lot of role play with her to learn how to stand up for herself without being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

OP, supervise playdates more. Simple. You need to keep track of what is going going.

This happens with all kinds of kids. Our chid knows no trading, buying, etc. without our knowledge and he is not to sell/give his stuff or buy another kids. He's also 6. But, we supervise everything.

Tell grandma. This is a child who is on survival mode. They have had no stability, no true home life and haven't had a consistent parent/guardian/care provider and social interactions are very different for them. If grandma cares and has child in therapy, its important for her to know so she can get the child help and help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This calls for a sit down with the Grandma, preferably with the little kid in earshot. It's not about the $6.
This little kid went through a hard time but it appears there are lessons she needs to learn in life that her parents did not teach her. The Grandma needs to know and the money must be returned. That is not a nice thing to do. How is she going to make and keep friends if she goes through life thinking that conning and stealing from friends and neighbors will be overlooked? What will actually happen is no one will invite her back to their house.

This kind of thing happens at my NW private elementary school all the time. Caught my kid 'selling' pieces of his gum to his friends for matchbox cars and baseball cards. Unclench.

Totally agree. We live in Bethesda and this has happened multiple times. Usually it's easy to tell when the other kid is trying to "con" my kids because they all look sheepish. If my kids did the "conning" I explain that it's important to be fair to others and not take advantage of them, you will just feel bad in the end even if you get the thing you want and I expect better of them. I have told my kids this multiple times. It's part of what you have to teach kids.

If I were you, OP, I would mention it to the girl next time she comes over, int he context of being an adult who cares about her. Tell her she's older and should watch out for younger kids. She likely has no idea what the issue even is. It's human nature to barter this way. Our entire society is built on that kind of interaction.

[Anonymous]

I would help your kids talk to the neighbor's kid. You can be there to support the conversation, but give them the chance to practice asking for their money back and telling the kid it's not fair.

It's a good lesson for them in standing up to someone, and it's a good lesson for the neighbor's kid that she won't just get away with something like that.

[Anonymous]

I think this means that you need to talk to your child about money and what it is right to spend it on. My son is not allowed to spend any money without our permission, so we can help him think through the decision. We do not make it for I'm, but get him to think about it. It is not about the amount, it is about teaching them to understand the value of money and grasping that if ypu spend it now, you do not have it later.

Talk to your kid - was giving up all his money worth playing with his own toy at that moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think like a school. They would inform both sets of parents regardless of history. Then each parent would do as they see fit regarding next steps. Inform the other parent or guardian and move on.

Uh, no. I can't imagine our school would bring this kind of thing up except I guess because it involves money. My kid took an expensive toy to school and traded it to a child three grades higher for something that was worth 1/100 of his toy and his teacher knew about it but did nothing. I agree she should have done nothing.