My girlfriend doesn't want to get married

[Anonymous]

Look, if she is willing to go to counseling then you two should try that, but at the end of the day you have to decide what you are going to do irrespective of what decision she makes because her decision may not align with your desires. If marriage before children feels right to you and it is what you need, then this woman as wonderful as she is, may not be your life partner. If a commitment without the paperwork is something you can do, then this whole conversation is moot.

Forget what other people think or want, figure out what you want and then move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, if she is willing to go to counseling then you two should try that, but at the end of the day you have to decide what you are going to do irrespective of what decision she makes because her decision may not align with your desires. If marriage before children feels right to you and it is what you need, then this woman as wonderful as she is, may not be your life partner. If a commitment without the paperwork is something you can do, then this whole conversation is moot.

Forget what other people think or want, figure out what you want and then move forward.

Thank you. I'll talk to her about counseling.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like you really care about this PERSON. I think that's amazing, and you should definitely get counselling, because you're not seeing the person any more. You're seeing someone you want to control. She's absolutely right- marriage is not a guarantee. If you want your relationship to work, you need to LISTEN to what your partner is telling you. And she is telling you she is happy with you and not interested in marriage. Do you see marriage as something that's going to make her more loyal, more loving, more reliable than she is now? You are pushing her away with your insistence that it's more important to be married than to be with her. You have found a wonderful partner. Enjoy it! Live your life, not the life you think you should or would have.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am with you on beliefs that are important to you. Marriage is important to me too and if I were in your shoes, I honestly don't know what I'd do. When I read these boards, I often think that people are awful quick to recommend counseling over every little issue or argument. In your case, though, I think it's a pretty good idea. Maybe there is a trust issue or a self-doubt issue with your girlfriend, having already been through a failed marriage. Don't let anyone tell you you're dumb for having traditional beliefs about marriage and children. I'm 100% with you.

There are also a million options when it comes to getting married. You guys don't have to invite a soul or have a big ceremony if that would make her feel better. It can be a special commitment only between you two. If you're open to that kind of way to make it official, maybe she will consider it eventually. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like you really care about this PERSON. I think that's amazing, and you should definitely get counselling, because you're not seeing the person any more. You're seeing someone you want to control. She's absolutely right- marriage is not a guarantee. If you want your relationship to work, you need to LISTEN to what your partner is telling you. And she is telling you she is happy with you and not interested in marriage. Do you see marriage as something that's going to make her more loyal, more loving, more reliable than she is now? You are pushing her away with your insistence that it's more important to be married than to be with her. You have found a wonderful partner. Enjoy it! Live your life, not the life you think you should or would have.

I'm definitely not trying to control her. I'll suggest counseling, but even if she's not interested in that, I'll let the whole marriage thing go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am with you on beliefs that are important to you. Marriage is important to me too and if I were in your shoes, I honestly don't know what I'd do. When I read these boards, I often think that people are awful quick to recommend counseling over every little issue or argument. In your case, though, I think it's a pretty good idea. Maybe there is a trust issue or a self-doubt issue with your girlfriend, having already been through a failed marriage. Don't let anyone tell you you're dumb for having traditional beliefs about marriage and children. I'm 100% with you.

There are also a million options when it comes to getting married. You guys don't have to invite a soul or have a big ceremony if that would make her feel better. It can be a special commitment only between you two. If you're open to that kind of way to make it official, maybe she will consider it eventually. Good luck.

Thank you. I was starting to think something was wrong with me for wanting marriage and kids.