My girlfriend doesn't want to get married

[Anonymous]

OP, what is marriage to you? Why is it important to be married in order to bring a child into this world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is marriage to you? Why is it important to be married in order to bring a child into this world?

It's important to me because that's how I was raised and I want to raise my child to have the same values.

[Anonymous]

If this was the other way around, if OP was a woman, everyone would be harping on her to cut ties. Why is it any different that OP is the man? I agree the gf is making OP pay for the ex's mistake, which isn't fair. If she isn't willing to get married to OP, even knowing how important it is to him, they are not a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was the other way around, if OP was a woman, everyone would be harping on her to cut ties. Why is it any different that OP is the man? I agree the gf is making OP pay for the ex's mistake, which isn't fair. If she isn't willing to get married to OP, even knowing how important it is to him, they are not a good match.

Thanks. I really think we are a good match, but she believes getting married will ruin things. I don't know what else I can do to show her that I'm not her ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is marriage to you? Why is it important to be married in order to bring a child into this world?

It's important to me because that's how I was raised and I want to raise my child to have the same values.

Of course you do. And frankly, you are right and she is wrong. Marriage is better for a child. I'm sorry, OP. This sounds tough. She is broken by this and unless she wants to fix it, there is nothing that you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is marriage to you? Why is it important to be married in order to bring a child into this world?

It's important to me because that's how I was raised and I want to raise my child to have the same values.

Of course you do. And frankly, you are right and she is wrong. Marriage is better for a child. I'm sorry, OP. This sounds tough. She is broken by this and unless she wants to fix it, there is nothing that you can do.

I guess not. I don't want to give up on her.

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we have 2 kids. I have no desire to get married. I don't want the wedding or if we separate, to deal with a divorce.

He knows how I feel. And every once in a while, he asks me if I'll marry him. And the answer is yes. Not because I want to get married but because it's important to him and if it's important to him, then it's important to me.

For us, it's never gone beyond the question. But if he came home with the marriage license application, I would sign it. And I would show up where ever he told me to, on whatever day, at whatever time.

I don't want a "wedding" and I don't think he does either. But if that's what he wants, then I'm all in. Again, not because it matters to me--but because it's important to him.

At this point in our relationship, the actual wedding would just be a formality. One that I don't need. But if he does, then he does.

So...if you need to be married, then that's what you need. Your GF needs to respect that. If she can't or won't, then it's time to move on. But you need to decide what is more important to you--the life of being married or the actual legal document that says you are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we have 2 kids. I have no desire to get married. I don't want the wedding or if we separate, to deal with a divorce.

He knows how I feel. And every once in a while, he asks me if I'll marry him. And the answer is yes. Not because I want to get married but because it's important to him and if it's important to him, then it's important to me.

For us, it's never gone beyond the question. But if he came home with the marriage license application, I would sign it. And I would show up where ever he told me to, on whatever day, at whatever time.

I don't want a "wedding" and I don't think he does either. But if that's what he wants, then I'm all in. Again, not because it matters to me--but because it's important to him.

At this point in our relationship, the actual wedding would just be a formality. One that I don't need. But if he does, then he does.

So...if you need to be married, then that's what you need. Your GF needs to respect that. If she can't or won't, then it's time to move on. But you need to decide what is more important to you--the life of being married or the actual legal document that says you are married.

Op also needs to think about the potential child he wants to have. Marriage is definitely better for kids
It's not always about you, pp

[Anonymous]

Op think about what she's saying. If she believes that making a real commitment to you will "ruin" the relationship, how can she really be the best person for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this was the other way around, if OP was a woman, everyone would be harping on her to cut ties. Why is it any different that OP is the man? I agree the gf is making OP pay for the ex's mistake, which isn't fair. If she isn't willing to get married to OP, even knowing how important it is to him, they are not a good match.

Thanks. I really think we are a good match, but she believes getting married will ruin things. I don't know what else I can do to show her that I'm not her ex.

You can't. Because it's not on you to do that.

She has the make the choice to work on her issues, to move past what happened with her ex ans trust a new guy. She has to do that and no one else.

Also, you two aren't truly a good match. Yes you may have fun together, you may have good talks, and great sex, but your values and life view is very, very different.

You aren't compatible move on.

There are many women who want what you want in life. Many.

[Anonymous]

I know two longtime committed couples who aren't married but have kids and their relationships have lasted longer than those of friends who got married.

But you want to be married and she doesn't so that's really the end of it. Say goodbye and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we have 2 kids. I have no desire to get married. I don't want the wedding or if we separate, to deal with a divorce.

He knows how I feel. And every once in a while, he asks me if I'll marry him. And the answer is yes. Not because I want to get married but because it's important to him and if it's important to him, then it's important to me.

For us, it's never gone beyond the question. But if he came home with the marriage license application, I would sign it. And I would show up where ever he told me to, on whatever day, at whatever time.

I don't want a "wedding" and I don't think he does either. But if that's what he wants, then I'm all in. Again, not because it matters to me--but because it's important to him.

At this point in our relationship, the actual wedding would just be a formality. One that I don't need. But if he does, then he does.

So...if you need to be married, then that's what you need. Your GF needs to respect that. If she can't or won't, then it's time to move on. But you need to decide what is more important to you--the life of being married or the actual legal document that says you are married.

There is no life of being married. You are either married or you aren't.
Fine i you don't want to be but you can't say I don't want to be married , but I'm married.

[Anonymous]

I could be your GF...except for wanting more kids. We have 4 between the 2 of us and we're both done. I love him and plan to spend the rest of my life with him. I don't want a wedding. I don't want to lose my head of household filing status. Most importantly, there is a lot of comfort for me in that if our relationship goes south, the end is me telling him to leave. No muss, no fuss. I need to maintain that separateness. In time, I may not need that separation. But I do now.

If he pressed the question and it was truly important to get married, I would talk it through with him and maybe even go to counseling for my obvious issues. But he isn't pressing and I'm grateful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two longtime committed couples who aren't married but have kids and their relationships have lasted longer than those of friends who got married.

But you want to be married and she doesn't so that's really the end of it. Say goodbye and move on.

I know couples who have been married 50 + years.
I know longterm couples that split after 10 years and it's not any easier on the kids.

Besides, this isn't about if people can have kids and not be married.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP?

How old is your girlfriend?