Would you date guy who grew up in foster care?

[Anonymous]

Anyone read about the hundreds of boys the sicko from ny fostered and abused for decades? I do think many of these kids have issues because sick people just foster for the govt money. When people are money focused it doesnt end well for the victim

[Anonymous]

You people are awful and are one of the reasons former foster youth are so stigmatized. I grew up in foster care and aged out at 18. I lived in dozens of homes from infancy until I aged out. I experienced severe abuse and trauma. I aged out into homelessness my senior year of high school, but I graduated with a 4.2 GPA and went on to college. I graduated at the top of my class. Today I have a career and run a program to better the lives of former foster youth. Do I have problems? Sure, but so do you! And if you don't, you're lying to yourself.

I could start listing off all kinds of people struggling in life and try to lump them as a class of people to stamp warning labels on. You know who are the most dangerous people statically? Straight, White, Heterosexual, MIDDLE CLASS men.

And I don't believe that telling someone you grew up in foster care is taboo or something you should be ashamed to bring up on a second date. It's like saying you can't tell someone you have a mom and a dad on a second date. Or telling gay people not to mention their partners because it's just too much information that they love someone. Foster care was my life experience and I'm not going to hide it to make YOU feel more comfortable. It might make you uncomfortable because it's not the same story you're used to hearing, but that's your problem, not mine. It took me a LONG time, but I finally stopped being ashamed of it. When people ask me about my family (because everyone asks about your family) I tell them I grew up in foster care. Screw you people with your severe judgement and/or pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I wouldn't if I could do better than that.

You are a disgusting excuse for a human being.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read through all of these posts but...why not? You are assuming a lot without knowing anything specific. It really depends on what his experience was and how he has dealt with it (counseling, etc). I have a friend from college who is a social worker and an excellent foster mom. Not all foster parents are terrible and abusive. So don’t judge before you know all the facts.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would.

[Anonymous]

I was adopted and grew up with severe abandonment issues. DH’s parents divorced and used the kids as pawns to screw each other over, making DH severely suspicious of any seemingly kind gestures from anyone. It is very, very rare to find someone from a “normal” household with zero lingering issues from childhood. OP, you undoubtedly have some childhood influenced issue yourself, whether you’ll admit it or not. You went on two dates. Go on another, then another after that. Until you see red flags, it shouldn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are awful and are one of the reasons former foster youth are so stigmatized. I grew up in foster care and aged out at 18. I lived in dozens of homes from infancy until I aged out. I experienced severe abuse and trauma. I aged out into homelessness my senior year of high school, but I graduated with a 4.2 GPA and went on to college. I graduated at the top of my class. Today I have a career and run a program to better the lives of former foster youth. Do I have problems? Sure, but so do you! And if you don't, you're lying to yourself.

I could start listing off all kinds of people struggling in life and try to lump them as a class of people to stamp warning labels on. You know who are the most dangerous people statically? Straight, White, Heterosexual, MIDDLE CLASS men.

And I don't believe that telling someone you grew up in foster care is taboo or something you should be ashamed to bring up on a second date. It's like saying you can't tell someone you have a mom and a dad on a second date. Or telling gay people not to mention their partners because it's just too much information that they love someone. Foster care was my life experience and I'm not going to hide it to make YOU feel more comfortable. It might make you uncomfortable because it's not the same story you're used to hearing, but that's your problem, not mine. It took me a LONG time, but I finally stopped being ashamed of it. When people ask me about my family (because everyone asks about your family) I tell them I grew up in foster care. Screw you people with your severe judgement and/or pity.

WRONG AGAIN.. STOP ALL THE BASHING of white, heterosexual, Middle class men (btw straight=heterosexual)
" the Citizens' Council for Public Security and Criminal Justice — released a study ranking the world's most violent cities in 2011, and the results were astonishing.

The 20 most violent cities were all in Latin America.

The USA had some alarming scores too, led by New Orleans at 21.

Other dangerous cities were located in Africa. None of the top 50 were in Europe and only one was in Asia, despite great unrest in those regions.

The ranking is based on murder rate per capita in 2011.

So WHERE are you getting your "most dangerous people statistically"? Latin America, New Orleans, Africa were NOT full of white, heterosexual, Middle class men!

[Anonymous]

+1 so much for pp 4.2 GPA

[Anonymous]

Does it mean no in laws? Sign me up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I wouldn't if I could do better than that.

You are a disgusting excuse for a human being.

NP. Why is PP disgusting? Rather, why am I disgusting since I share her opinion?

OP, you should proceed carefully. I'd say if I were looking for casual dating, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Provided it didn't manifest in clearly undesirable behavior.

If I were looking to marry and start a family, I would most likely avoid. With sketchy family background, you don't know what you're walking into in terms of both nature and nurture. You don't know what the person inherited genetically, was exposed to during his mother's pregnancy and early years. You don't know how many homes the person lived in, what happened to him there, and what impact it had on his present self. It can literally go any way, and it's up to you to decide if the risk is worth taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are awful and are one of the reasons former foster youth are so stigmatized. I grew up in foster care and aged out at 18. I lived in dozens of homes from infancy until I aged out. I experienced severe abuse and trauma. I aged out into homelessness my senior year of high school, but I graduated with a 4.2 GPA and went on to college. I graduated at the top of my class. Today I have a career and run a program to better the lives of former foster youth. Do I have problems? Sure, but so do you! And if you don't, you're lying to yourself.

I could start listing off all kinds of people struggling in life and try to lump them as a class of people to stamp warning labels on. You know who are the most dangerous people statically? Straight, White, Heterosexual, MIDDLE CLASS men.

And I don't believe that telling someone you grew up in foster care is taboo or something you should be ashamed to bring up on a second date. It's like saying you can't tell someone you have a mom and a dad on a second date. Or telling gay people not to mention their partners because it's just too much information that they love someone. Foster care was my life experience and I'm not going to hide it to make YOU feel more comfortable. It might make you uncomfortable because it's not the same story you're used to hearing, but that's your problem, not mine. It took me a LONG time, but I finally stopped being ashamed of it. When people ask me about my family (because everyone asks about your family) I tell them I grew up in foster care. Screw you people with your severe judgement and/or pity.

Beautiful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are awful and are one of the reasons former foster youth are so stigmatized. I grew up in foster care and aged out at 18. I lived in dozens of homes from infancy until I aged out. I experienced severe abuse and trauma. I aged out into homelessness my senior year of high school, but I graduated with a 4.2 GPA and went on to college. I graduated at the top of my class. Today I have a career and run a program to better the lives of former foster youth. Do I have problems? Sure, but so do you! And if you don't, you're lying to yourself.

I could start listing off all kinds of people struggling in life and try to lump them as a class of people to stamp warning labels on. You know who are the most dangerous people statically? Straight, White, Heterosexual, MIDDLE CLASS men.

And I don't believe that telling someone you grew up in foster care is taboo or something you should be ashamed to bring up on a second date. It's like saying you can't tell someone you have a mom and a dad on a second date. Or telling gay people not to mention their partners because it's just too much information that they love someone. Foster care was my life experience and I'm not going to hide it to make YOU feel more comfortable. It might make you uncomfortable because it's not the same story you're used to hearing, but that's your problem, not mine. It took me a LONG time, but I finally stopped being ashamed of it. When people ask me about my family (because everyone asks about your family) I tell them I grew up in foster care. Screw you people with your severe judgement and/or pity.

Why the hell did you bump an 18 month old thread to write this?
That means you deliberately had to look for threads on foster care that you perceived to be negative so you could go on your rant . Not the actions of a healthy person. Seek help.

- another person who grew up in foster care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are awful and are one of the reasons former foster youth are so stigmatized. I grew up in foster care and aged out at 18. I lived in dozens of homes from infancy until I aged out. I experienced severe abuse and trauma. I aged out into homelessness my senior year of high school, but I graduated with a 4.2 GPA and went on to college. I graduated at the top of my class. Today I have a career and run a program to better the lives of former foster youth. Do I have problems? Sure, but so do you! And if you don't, you're lying to yourself.

I could start listing off all kinds of people struggling in life and try to lump them as a class of people to stamp warning labels on. You know who are the most dangerous people statically? Straight, White, Heterosexual, MIDDLE CLASS men.

And I don't believe that telling someone you grew up in foster care is taboo or something you should be ashamed to bring up on a second date. It's like saying you can't tell someone you have a mom and a dad on a second date. Or telling gay people not to mention their partners because it's just too much information that they love someone. Foster care was my life experience and I'm not going to hide it to make YOU feel more comfortable. It might make you uncomfortable because it's not the same story you're used to hearing, but that's your problem, not mine. It took me a LONG time, but I finally stopped being ashamed of it. When people ask me about my family (because everyone asks about your family) I tell them I grew up in foster care. Screw you people with your severe judgement and/or pity.

Beautiful? More like a nonsensical knee-jerk reaction.

We, the people, may be awful in your eyes. Guess what, we are not going to hide our opinions to make you more comfortable. Perhaps, you're only used praise for overcoming your odds. But to quote you, "That's your problem."

Nobody in the thread said they didn't have any problems. I'm not sure where you're going with that.

I'm sorry you grew up to be a racist filled with hate for heterosexual men. It's ironic that you fall into the trap of lumping a large group of people together while condemning it.

Obviously, your life is not something to be ashamed of, and you're free to discuss it on any date. Just keep in mind, that the other people may or may not like you. Is it severe judgement? Pity? Perhaps. I'll respond in your own words, "That's your problem."

I'm sorry to hear you were abused and experienced hardships in your younger years. I truly am. It was unfair and should not have happened. But it did. And it shaped you. And other people may like who you became. Or not. That's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
This kind of blew up since last night!

I'll try to answer everyone.

He didn't start our 2nd date by saying he needed to tell me something, and I didn't push him for information.
I asked a very casual question and that led to talking about families and such and he mentioned growing up in foster care.
Beyond knowing he went in at 6 and was never adopted I don't know any details.
I also don't think the details are my business at this point.

On the surface, from what you can know of someone you met online and after 2 dates, he's a very sweet guy and seems to have his life together. To me he seems more mature than 26 , not that maturity is a bad thing in a guy.
I guess is my worry I have a habit of picking guys with baggage that ends in nothing but relationship drama.
So, when he told me that my mind went immediately to "oh no not again!"
I want to give it a chance, but I don't want to get caught up with someone who is not healthy again.

Trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you “have a habit of picking guys with baggage and drama” then the common denominator is you and you should look inward.