Would you date guy who grew up in foster care?

[Anonymous]

My friend's DH was in foster care as a teen. His bio parents had mental illness and substance abuse issues. He's more well adjusted than my XH who grew up in a two-parent home w/SAHM in Potomac.

[Anonymous]

No I wouldn't if I could do better than that.

[Anonymous]

I know several people who grew up in foster care. All have self-esteem and rejection issues. Tread carefully.

[Anonymous]

I would keep your radar up. Like if he might anger easily, or be offended easily. But I would not stop dating immediately without red flags.

[Anonymous]

If I were him I would dump you for your judgement. You've only been on two dates and you expect this guy to tell you his whole life story? You're just seeing if there is attraction and common interests at this point. That's nothing something you divulge until you're more serious about dating that person.

I feel like you're being too judgemental. Foster kids can grow up with issues, but look at all the " normal" home children that grow up to be violent, on drugs, strippers, rapists, etc. Everyone has a past. Don't judge him for things he had no control over. It's like one guy who said he wouldn't date a woman with divorced parents. How can you penalize that person for a situation they had no power over.

Either give this guy chance and see how things go, or stop seeing him. I think you should do him a favor and let him find a woman who isn't so judgemental. He deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a nice guy from the little I know about him.

We met online so we're just in the getting to know each other phase. I don't know much about his experiences other than that he was in foster care starting at the age of 6, and he was never adopted.
He wasn't exactly forthcoming with this information only cam up when I asked a question.
I guess I just wonder how this lays out if we were to become serious.

Do you tell someone about your entire childhood or life on the second date? It's very different in telling this information to someone you only had two dates with versus someone you are serious with. Maybe he is embarrassed or ashamed? Maybe he thinks it's none of your damn business unless he gets to know you further. You seem very snoopy. It's a huge turnoff.

[Anonymous]

My uncle had a cousin who was raised in an orphanage. It was not a kind place, and he was abused there. He was shown extraordinary kindness by an early employer, and that set him up to get a job in construction, where he eventually became very successful running his own business. He was incredibly devoted to his wife, and they had two sons who've done very well also.

I say give him a chance. Judge him on who he is, not what you think he might be.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't rule out a relationship based on that, but I would probably go slow.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in foster care. On my 18th birthday, mid way through my senior year in high school, I was thrown out by the foster parents. This was 35 years ago in Fairfax county. I was homeless from my Birthday for about three weeks, but after the school found out I was homeless, a teacher let me stay with her. The school found out, because I could not have a form signed by a guardian. I explained I am of age, and on my own. I definitely had issues -- abandonment, etc. At the time, I would not have been a good significant other.

FWIW, I had already applied to college, and went on a full scholarship. I ended up getting a graduate degree and now make good money. I am married with a kid. I want to take in foster kids, but wife says no. Basically, I want to help get kids through the transition to adulthood -- that was a very difficult time.

[Anonymous]

I see so much value in someone who overcame an adversity. Everybody has emotional baggage of some sort, and I'd much rather deal with problems related to foster care than your typical umc mommy or entitlement issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in foster care. On my 18th birthday, mid way through my senior year in high school, I was thrown out by the foster parents. This was 35 years ago in Fairfax county. I was homeless from my Birthday for about three weeks, but after the school found out I was homeless, a teacher let me stay with her. The school found out, because I could not have a form signed by a guardian. I explained I am of age, and on my own. I definitely had issues -- abandonment, etc. At the time, I would not have been a good significant other.

FWIW, I had already applied to college, and went on a full scholarship. I ended up getting a graduate degree and now make good money. I am married with a kid. I want to take in foster kids, but wife says no. Basically, I want to help get kids through the transition to adulthood -- that was a very difficult time.

There you go, OP.

The fact that he grew up in foster care is not his fault. What he makes of the experience is what counts.

[Anonymous]

Wssn't the affluenza kid raised in a stable, upper class home?

What about lacrosse kid? The one who killed his girlfriend?

Tread carefully OP but don't write this guy off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in foster care. On my 18th birthday, mid way through my senior year in high school, I was thrown out by the foster parents. This was 35 years ago in Fairfax county. I was homeless from my Birthday for about three weeks, but after the school found out I was homeless, a teacher let me stay with her. The school found out, because I could not have a form signed by a guardian. I explained I am of age, and on my own. I definitely had issues -- abandonment, etc. At the time, I would not have been a good significant other.

FWIW, I had already applied to college, and went on a full scholarship. I ended up getting a graduate degree and now make good money. I am married with a kid. I want to take in foster kids, but wife says no. Basically, I want to help get kids through the transition to adulthood -- that was a very difficult time.

I know this happened a long time ago, but aren't foster kids cared for until age 21 now?

[Anonymous]

Not if he told me on the second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not if he told me on the second date.

Not if he didn't tell me by the second date.