Poor Communication from New School

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she can and so can anyone else. You are a client of the school. Not the other way around. We easily switched to another very highly sought after school when we didn't feel the original school (often mentioned on this board as outstanding) was the right fit. The original school did everything to try to keep us - requested meetings, had parent association reach out, etc. - as it should be.

We are paying full tuition for multiple children and don't feel the need to settle. Private school is a choice and if it doesn't meet our expectations, we have other options.

The PP's mindset is the view of many parents -- a new approach to your child's education. Many parents see themselves as making a "purchase." They are "buying" something rather than investing in a partnership with the school. They hire house painters and household help, and they view themselves as hiring teachers too. They take a purely transactional approach to education. And if the child is not getting A's or having social or emotional problems (whatever the problem, in fact), they complain to "customer service." The parents do not see themselves as sharing responsibility for raising a child, but rather farming this off. This does not end well for the child, who needs parents to partner with the school -- and not to view the teacher as yet another hired hand whom they can order around.

I put several kids through private schools, and yes, it was expensive. But I found excellent schools and viewed myself as investing in a long-term partnership. I saw myself as partnering with teachers -- together we'd work on the tough task of developing my kids' potential. I saw those teachers as professionals and equals. Not as hired hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she can and so can anyone else. You are a client of the school. Not the other way around. We easily switched to another very highly sought after school when we didn't feel the original school (often mentioned on this board as outstanding) was the right fit. The original school did everything to try to keep us - requested meetings, had parent association reach out, etc. - as it should be.

We are paying full tuition for multiple children and don't feel the need to settle. Private school is a choice and if it doesn't meet our expectations, we have other options.

+1.
Exact same story here. Private schools do everything they can to make you feel you are privileged to have been admitted - but you definitely are a client first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

18:06, you are right. Even the language the PP uses is ridiculous. "Client"? WTF? Is the school a frickin' consultancy firm?

It's true you have to be a pretty large donor for entitled behavior to be given a pass.

[Anonymous]

OP, your concern is completely legit. You're new, and of course the school should be making sure that you have both information and introduction. It's likely that either one ball was dropped, or the school just does this a bit on the later side, once the prior school year is fully completed. There's no harm whatsoever to making a call to the admissions office and asking if there's a new-parent contact and/or a class list available. Perfectly reasonable and engaged questions to ask. Worry not, just ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would help a lot if you would/could tell us the school and the grade.

Really? How could it help???

Um, not very bright, are we? Because if the school and grade were shared, we could tell you how the school handles welcoming new families.

Most wait until mid-summer. I confess I'm a buddy parent who hasn't reached out yet to my new family, because work has been incredibly hectic. I sincerely hope our buddy family is nothing like OP.

I imagine OP is equally hopeful that her buddy family isn't such a smug troll.

OP, your concern is entirely reasonable, but do have a little patience, some schools just roll out a little later than others. We have scheduled 2 playdates for our incoming already--our sister school has scheduled none yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she can and so can anyone else. You are a client of the school. Not the other way around. We easily switched to another very highly sought after school when we didn't feel the original school (often mentioned on this board as outstanding) was the right fit. The original school did everything to try to keep us - requested meetings, had parent association reach out, etc. - as it should be.

We are paying full tuition for multiple children and don't feel the need to settle. Private school is a choice and if it doesn't meet our expectations, we have other options.

The PP's mindset is the view of many parents -- a new approach to your child's education. Many parents see themselves as making a "purchase." They are "buying" something rather than investing in a partnership with the school. They hire house painters and household help, and they view themselves as hiring teachers too. They take a purely transactional approach to education. And if the child is not getting A's or having social or emotional problems (whatever the problem, in fact), they complain to "customer service." The parents do not see themselves as sharing responsibility for raising a child, but rather farming this off. This does not end well for the child, who needs parents to partner with the school -- and not to view the teacher as yet another hired hand whom they can order around.

I put several kids through private schools, and yes, it was expensive. But I found excellent schools and viewed myself as investing in a long-term partnership. I saw myself as partnering with teachers -- together we'd work on the tough task of developing my kids' potential. I saw those teachers as professionals and equals. Not as hired hands.

This is spot on (unfortunately).

-A teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she can and so can anyone else. You are a client of the school. Not the other way around. We easily switched to another very highly sought after school when we didn't feel the original school (often mentioned on this board as outstanding) was the right fit. The original school did everything to try to keep us - requested meetings, had parent association reach out, etc. - as it should be.

We are paying full tuition for multiple children and don't feel the need to settle. Private school is a choice and if it doesn't meet our expectations, we have other options.

The PP's mindset is the view of many parents -- a new approach to your child's education. Many parents see themselves as making a "purchase." They are "buying" something rather than investing in a partnership with the school. They hire house painters and household help, and they view themselves as hiring teachers too. They take a purely transactional approach to education. And if the child is not getting A's or having social or emotional problems (whatever the problem, in fact), they complain to "customer service." The parents do not see themselves as sharing responsibility for raising a child, but rather farming this off. This does not end well for the child, who needs parents to partner with the school -- and not to view the teacher as yet another hired hand whom they can order around.

I put several kids through private schools, and yes, it was expensive. But I found excellent schools and viewed myself as investing in a long-term partnership. I saw myself as partnering with teachers -- together we'd work on the tough task of developing my kids' potential. I saw those teachers as professionals and equals. Not as hired hands.

This is spot on (unfortunately).

-A teacher

As a parent who fully appreciates the demanding job teachers have, I am very sorry if this is indeed a prevalent attitude. Teachers rock!

The OP's entries throughout this thread reflect someone who is immature and narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would help a lot if you would/could tell us the school and the grade.

Really? How could it help???

Um, not very bright, are we? Because if the school and grade were shared, we could tell you how the school handles welcoming new families.

Most wait until mid-summer. I confess I'm a buddy parent who hasn't reached out yet to my new family, because work has been incredibly hectic. I sincerely hope our buddy family is nothing like OP.

I imagine OP is equally hopeful that her buddy family isn't such a smug troll.

OP, your concern is entirely reasonable, but do have a little patience, some schools just roll out a little later than others. We have scheduled 2 playdates for our incoming already--our sister school has scheduled none yet.

Here's the thing. OP is a new family. She needs to kiss up to buddy family, else buddy family can subtly let others in the school community know that she's not someone they want to socialize with. Does OP really want to deal with that before her daughter's even begun school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she can and so can anyone else. You are a client of the school. Not the other way around. We easily switched to another very highly sought after school when we didn't feel the original school (often mentioned on this board as outstanding) was the right fit. The original school did everything to try to keep us - requested meetings, had parent association reach out, etc. - as it should be.

We are paying full tuition for multiple children and don't feel the need to settle. Private school is a choice and if it doesn't meet our expectations, we have other options.

The PP's mindset is the view of many parents -- a new approach to your child's education. Many parents see themselves as making a "purchase." They are "buying" something rather than investing in a partnership with the school. They hire house painters and household help, and they view themselves as hiring teachers too. They take a purely transactional approach to education. And if the child is not getting A's or having social or emotional problems (whatever the problem, in fact), they complain to "customer service." The parents do not see themselves as sharing responsibility for raising a child, but rather farming this off. This does not end well for the child, who needs parents to partner with the school -- and not to view the teacher as yet another hired hand whom they can order around.

I put several kids through private schools, and yes, it was expensive. But I found excellent schools and viewed myself as investing in a long-term partnership. I saw myself as partnering with teachers -- together we'd work on the tough task of developing my kids' potential. I saw those teachers as professionals and equals. Not as hired hands.

This is spot on (unfortunately).

-A teacher

As a parent who fully appreciates the demanding job teachers have, I am very sorry if this is indeed a prevalent attitude. Teachers rock!

The OP's entries throughout this thread reflect someone who is immature and narcissistic.

Talk about knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing. There is a thread of crass, boorish behavior at independent schools that does not align with our family values. I'm guessing half are neauveau riche and for god knows what reason think they're supposed to behave like this? Or they just don't know/haven't been taught better. Thank god there are some decent salt of the earth souls with class, rich poor and middle class, to balance it because the kids will be exposed to what parents demonstrate.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of valid points here. OP's concern is valid. The high cost of private school (especially when not paid for by a third party) is valid and the desire to form a partnership is valid. What I wish, though, is that people could stop tearing others down. Calling someone something just makes people come across as judgemental and, frankly, no better off than the perceived offender.

[Anonymous]

OP---I am in the same boat. We are new to a school, information isn't released until August, our Mentor Family did not contact us. We are also concerned about our daughter and our family entering a new situation with little guidance from her new school. We were also told not to contact the school otherwise it would reflect negatively on our family. However, I don't believe that's true and we have complete faith that our daughter will find a few friends rather quickly. Parents are welcoming and warm at her school and the administration has been altogether lovely. I just recommend letting things run their course. This is what schools do. They acclimate new students to the culture and help to forge friendships. They are professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of valid points here. OP's concern is valid. The high cost of private school (especially when not paid for by a third party) is valid and the desire to form a partnership is valid. What I wish, though, is that people could stop tearing others down. Calling someone something just makes people come across as judgemental and, frankly, no better off than the perceived offender.

What a namby-pamby, kumbaya response. You commit the same sin you accuse others of in your post. What you call "judgmental," I call having standards.

The muddled English of your post reflects your muddled thinking. The high cost of private school is valid for what? Does paying high tuition justify an attitude of entitlement in which schools are meant to jump at your every whim?

As someone who pays $120,000 in private school tuition each year, I disagree, and will continue to judge the people who think that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of valid points here. OP's concern is valid. The high cost of private school (especially when not paid for by a third party) is valid and the desire to form a partnership is valid. What I wish, though, is that people could stop tearing others down. Calling someone something just makes people come across as judgemental and, frankly, no better off than the perceived offender.

What a namby-pamby, kumbaya response. You commit the same sin you accuse others of in your post. What you call "judgmental," I call having standards.

The muddled English of your post reflects your muddled thinking. The high cost of private school is valid for what? Does paying high tuition justify an attitude of entitlement in which schools are meant to jump at your every whim?

As someone who pays $120,000 in private school tuition each year, I disagree, and will continue to judge the people who think that way.

+1 bravo!

[Anonymous]

There are entitled people in both private and public schools (you teachers /school are my "public servant"). Both are crass and boorish. Both do not serve their children well because they are partners until they have a complaint, and then its arms length "you talkin to me?" Status. Pity the kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher. Pity the kids? We spend 99% of our time teaching your kids to say please and thank you, to be polite and not act as though the rules don't apply to them. Basically we deal with your sense of entitlement every day.