Any questions for someone who went through 12 years at a DC private school?

[Anonymous]

DH went to Phillips Exeter Academy. I went to a run of the mill public school who's senior class had 630 kids. He went to Harvard undergrad and law. I went to UVA undergrad and then Yale. We are both are partners in a law firm. We're sending our kids to public school in Fairfax County. All 3 are in AAP or were in AAP (one is in HS now). The lawyers at our firms are a mix of people sending their kids to private and public. Everyone seems happy with their choices. We can easily afford private and we could easily afford Execter but we like the neighborhood school and like that our kids go to school with their neighbors. We also like the socioeconomic and racial diversity of it, although we are white high income earners. To me, whether you choose to pay for private or choose to go public, your child will be fine. How well a child does is most influenced (not the only influence of course) by the educational values of the family they belong to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did very well in college, and it was much easier for me than it appeared to be for probably 1/2 the people on my dorm floor freshman year.

I wouldn't have gotten into an Ivy League, but honestly, after 12 years at my school I needed a change and pretty much only applied to big state schools. I felt like most people at my school were pretty much the same and I just needed something different. I'm very glad I went to a big state school.

Academically, I feel like the education was very good. However, particularly by the time you get to high school, it seems like the school had essentially already determined who would go to a Ivy League school, and those were the kids worth helping. A few teachers were the exception, but I remember after getting As in 2 English classes with the same teacher, he said he couldn't write me a letter of recommendation because he already had too many to write. I then found out he was writing one for my friend (who got an A- in the one class she took with him) who ended up attending Harvard. I learned he only wrote letters of rec for kids going to Ivys/Stanford/a private "elite" school because they were more worthwhile.

I don't have kids yet, but my husband and I have already decided that we will likely send our kids to public school. My experience at private school factored into this decision, but was not the main factor.

NP with two kids in private DC schools and honestly, I hate it when people talk about this as a Plus for sending kids to independent schools. Why would I want to set my kids up for an "easy" experience, when they are away from home for the first time??!! I want them to continue to feel challenged throughout college and frankly, I hear too many people say that they find college easy after slogging through the years of a DC private education.

For many kids, the struggle of Freshman year may mean they give up and move back home and go to community college. AS a private school kid, Freshman year was easy academically but very difficult socially. Sororities, living in a new state & city. It's a lot to manage at 18 and an easy transition to the academics of college is a nice way to get things started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession.

The teachers didn't care about your future and refused to write a letter of recommendation? Please. Some of my public school teacher colleagues who barely know their students' names. That's great to make your school choices before you even have children, but when you walk down to the local elementary school and see 30 kids in a Kindergarten class in a trailer, you may change your tune.

What crappy area do you live in? I have a kid in public and private. No trailers, no 30 kids. 19 has been the max in a newly built school. Maybe you need to move.

McLean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did very well in college, and it was much easier for me than it appeared to be for probably 1/2 the people on my dorm floor freshman year.

I wouldn't have gotten into an Ivy League, but honestly, after 12 years at my school I needed a change and pretty much only applied to big state schools. I felt like most people at my school were pretty much the same and I just needed something different. I'm very glad I went to a big state school.

Academically, I feel like the education was very good. However, particularly by the time you get to high school, it seems like the school had essentially already determined who would go to a Ivy League school, and those were the kids worth helping. A few teachers were the exception, but I remember after getting As in 2 English classes with the same teacher, he said he couldn't write me a letter of recommendation because he already had too many to write. I then found out he was writing one for my friend (who got an A- in the one class she took with him) who ended up attending Harvard. I learned he only wrote letters of rec for kids going to Ivys/Stanford/a private "elite" school because they were more worthwhile.

I don't have kids yet, but my husband and I have already decided that we will likely send our kids to public school. My experience at private school factored into this decision, but was not the main factor.

NP with two kids in private DC schools and honestly, I hate it when people talk about this as a Plus for sending kids to independent schools. Why would I want to set my kids up for an "easy" experience, when they are away from home for the first time??!! I want them to continue to feel challenged throughout college and frankly, I hear too many people say that they find college easy after slogging through the years of a DC private education.

Who said anything about the goal being for it to be easy? The goal is for them to be prepared. As someone who struggled my freshman year because I was seriously under prepared after attending public school I can tell you nothing about that experience is wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession.

The teachers didn't care about your future and refused to write a letter of recommendation? Please. Some of my public school teacher colleagues who barely know their students' names. That's great to make your school choices before you even have children, but when you walk down to the local elementary school and see 30 kids in a Kindergarten class in a trailer, you may change your tune.

What crappy area do you live in? I have a kid in public and private. No trailers, no 30 kids. 19 has been the max in a newly built school. Maybe you need to move.

McLean.

Crappy part, clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The snobbery of public school parents lives in N. Arlington.
Jamestown elementary holds their school auction at a country club! This would never fly at our private. Not inclusive enough.

There is a cohort of Jamestown parents that are members at WGCC so why the surprise or problem? Parents sponsor the event and all are invited to a nice venue close to the school. Why is that not inclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The snobbery of public school parents lives in N. Arlington.
Jamestown elementary holds their school auction at a country club! This would never fly at our private. Not inclusive enough.

There is a cohort of Jamestown parents that are members at WGCC so why the surprise or problem? Parents sponsor the event and all are invited to a nice venue close to the school. Why is that not inclusive?

Plus WGCC has significant numbers of blacks and hispanics as well as poor people. Not getting why that wouldnt be inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Your argument is more about the demographics of the school and the relative homogeneity the school's catchment area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did very well in college, and it was much easier for me than it appeared to be for probably 1/2 the people on my dorm floor freshman year.

I wouldn't have gotten into an Ivy League, but honestly, after 12 years at my school I needed a change and pretty much only applied to big state schools. I felt like most people at my school were pretty much the same and I just needed something different. I'm very glad I went to a big state school.

Academically, I feel like the education was very good. However, particularly by the time you get to high school, it seems like the school had essentially already determined who would go to a Ivy League school, and those were the kids worth helping. A few teachers were the exception, but I remember after getting As in 2 English classes with the same teacher, he said he couldn't write me a letter of recommendation because he already had too many to write. I then found out he was writing one for my friend (who got an A- in the one class she took with him) who ended up attending Harvard. I learned he only wrote letters of rec for kids going to Ivys/Stanford/a private "elite" school because they were more worthwhile.

I don't have kids yet, but my husband and I have already decided that we will likely send our kids to public school. My experience at private school factored into this decision, but was not the main factor.

NP with two kids in private DC schools and honestly, I hate it when people talk about this as a Plus for sending kids to independent schools. Why would I want to set my kids up for an "easy" experience, when they are away from home for the first time??!! I want them to continue to feel challenged throughout college and frankly, I hear too many people say that they find college easy after slogging through the years of a DC private education.

For many kids, the struggle of Freshman year may mean they give up and move back home and go to community college. AS a private school kid, Freshman year was easy academically but very difficult socially. Sororities, living in a new state & city. It's a lot to manage at 18 and an easy transition to the academics of college is a nice way to get things started.

Actually, you are proving my point. If my DD ends up at a college focusing on a sorority after all of the $$$ I've spent on her private school education, I will not be pleased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I did not grow up here but find the families in our private school are much more "down to earth" than the families in our neighborhood that send their children to the public school. The public school families are driving the flashy cars, announce their memberships to the fancy country clubs and flaunt their high end bags. At my DC private, yes, most people could afford those things, but most don't talk about it and/or flaunt it, at least in our experience. So I do think the "elitism" cannot be avoided based on the area.

It can certainly be avoided. Just don't live in a wealthy neighborhood in the DC area. Plenty of those! Most of DC is not wealthy.