Any questions for someone who went through 12 years at a DC private school?

[Anonymous]

NP here. I'm glad this OP posted because DH and I went to public school ourselves, but now we send our kids to private. It's great to hear from an adult grad who's out in the world.

There was a thread a few months ago on this forum about how private school grads tend to send their kids to public schools, and vice versa. I wonder if it's because we all think our high school experience was not perhaps just right, and want something different for our kids? As a public school grad, I really liked my high school experience, but figured a private school one would be better. But then when I talk to my fellow mom friends who went to private secondary school, they seem to choose public for their own kids.

To the OP -- do you feel grateful to your parents for making the financial commitment to send you to private secondary? (This is something I hope my kids will do someday. So far, they are aware that, to pay full tuition for 2 kids, we are paying $7000/month, which leaves room for only a small house (albeit in a good neighborhood), old cars, and modest vacations, etc. We could definitely have a nicer house etc, if we were not paying this tuition. But our kids are not academic super stars, and so private seems worth it to us to bring out the best in them. (My kids obviously don't attend a top-3 school, but the less prestigious schools cost just as much as the top-3!)

[Anonymous]

I'm a lifer in the independent school world and now work in it. I now find the true value in independent elementary schools. The foundation, attention, and communication between school and parents really sets the stage for the remainder of one's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession.

The teachers didn't care about your future and refused to write a letter of recommendation? Please. Some of my public school teacher colleagues who barely know their students' names. That's great to make your school choices before you even have children, but when you walk down to the local elementary school and see 30 kids in a Kindergarten class in a trailer, you may change your tune.

Agree. The grass is always greener and OP sounds young and idealistic. I went to a very well regarded public school all the way through, my kids started at a very well regarded public school and we left before the end of elementary. Scripted curriculum, cuts in extracurriculars, no child left behind requirements, aging facilities, overcrowding, teaching to the every increasing testing load, public education isn't what it was two decades ago either.

There is just as much a bubble in the wealthy public schools as the privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lifer in the independent school world and now work in it. I now find the true value in independent elementary schools. The foundation, attention, and communication between school and parents really sets the stage for the remainder of one's life.

+1 very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession.

The teachers didn't care about your future and refused to write a letter of recommendation? Please. Some of my public school teacher colleagues who barely know their students' names. That's great to make your school choices before you even have children, but when you walk down to the local elementary school and see 30 kids in a Kindergarten class in a trailer, you may change your tune.

What crappy area do you live in? I have a kid in public and private. No trailers, no 30 kids. 19 has been the max in a newly built school. Maybe you need to move.

[Anonymous]

Not PP, but we live in a great area in Close- enough VA and schools have trailers, 28-30 kids, no continuation of knowledge of each student as they are moved to other grades, D- staffed. The only schools I know of ( from teacher friends) with 18-20 kids are the Title I schools but it sounds like you got lucky. Can you tell us your area?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting, OP. I just want to chime in that we never considered private until MS and that was only after DC was in tears with the huge school and a hosts of related issues. We decided to explore the private world and found a great fit. Not everyone there is trying to be elitist or think public can't be good. It's just not for everyone all of the time. You have to be open and flexible for each child and each age group.

I feel grateful every night we have the options and respurces to get what our DC needs. I would try and not make a blanket decision until you see what type of child you have. It is so hard and you will find you will do almost anything for them - one of which may be private!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession.

The teachers didn't care about your future and refused to write a letter of recommendation? Please. Some of my public school teacher colleagues who barely know their students' names. That's great to make your school choices before you even have children, but when you walk down to the local elementary school and see 30 kids in a Kindergarten class in a trailer, you may change your tune.

What crappy area do you live in? I have a kid in public and private. No trailers, no 30 kids. 19 has been the max in a newly built school. Maybe you need to move.

Ditto for us. You need to find a better school, doesn't have to be private. Our public doesn't have trailers and, while big, class
Sizes are
Reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not PP, but we live in a great area in Close- enough VA and schools have trailers, 28-30 kids, no continuation of knowledge of each student as they are moved to other grades, D- staffed. The only schools I know of ( from teacher friends) with 18-20 kids are the Title I schools but it sounds like you got lucky. Can you tell us your area?

We're not at a title I school. We're in VA and my kids are in LLIV AAP classes and none of their classes have been in trailers and their classes this year did not exceed 19. Last year, DD class did have 21. When my oldest was in general ed her largest class was 23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lifer in the independent school world and now work in it. I now find the true value in independent elementary schools. The foundation, attention, and communication between school and parents really sets the stage for the remainder of one's life.

+1 very true.

+1000

[Anonymous]

This is a great thread. I'm convinced some people troll the boards looking for threads just to post something negative. I'm so sick of White privilege folx thinking you have the right to comment on the choices URMs feel we must make for our children. Screw you! Yes she is in K and yes I am already worried about the shitty ass people she is going to encounter along they way like you two idiots who posted about it.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in DC and my parents worked their tails off to send me to independent schools. I so appreciate what they did for me and we have done the same for my quieter and gentler children. I truly value the fabulous specialized education I was blessed with and how incredibly prepared I was when I arrived at college. The greatest gift was learning how to write well. Don't underestimate the gift of a private school education, no matter what you hear.

[Anonymous]

The snobbery of public school parents lives in N. Arlington.
Jamestown elementary holds their school auction at a country club! This would never fly at our private. Not inclusive enough.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with those who have experienced extreme snobbery in the Bethesda/North Arlington public schools. It is intense and in a way- even more brutal on the kids than what is experienced in the independent schools. (I am a product of the DC independent school culture and am raising my children in N Arlington- attending public schools. (Jamestown, Yorktown) My best friend from HS is sending her kids the Bethesda public school route and we agree. Brutal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did very well in college, and it was much easier for me than it appeared to be for probably 1/2 the people on my dorm floor freshman year.

I wouldn't have gotten into an Ivy League, but honestly, after 12 years at my school I needed a change and pretty much only applied to big state schools. I felt like most people at my school were pretty much the same and I just needed something different. I'm very glad I went to a big state school.

Academically, I feel like the education was very good. However, particularly by the time you get to high school, it seems like the school had essentially already determined who would go to a Ivy League school, and those were the kids worth helping. A few teachers were the exception, but I remember after getting As in 2 English classes with the same teacher, he said he couldn't write me a letter of recommendation because he already had too many to write. I then found out he was writing one for my friend (who got an A- in the one class she took with him) who ended up attending Harvard. I learned he only wrote letters of rec for kids going to Ivys/Stanford/a private "elite" school because they were more worthwhile.

I don't have kids yet, but my husband and I have already decided that we will likely send our kids to public school. My experience at private school factored into this decision, but was not the main factor.

NP with two kids in private DC schools and honestly, I hate it when people talk about this as a Plus for sending kids to independent schools. Why would I want to set my kids up for an "easy" experience, when they are away from home for the first time??!! I want them to continue to feel challenged throughout college and frankly, I hear too many people say that they find college easy after slogging through the years of a DC private education.