Any questions for someone who went through 12 years at a DC private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me that you *do* realize that distancing yourself from "new money" is a classic attribute of "snobby, elitist culture."

OP here - I just want to say that my reasoning for likely not putting my future kids in private school has NOTHING to do with the new money/old money thing. I don't care when people got money. When I was in school, many kids were probably from "old money" and some were probably "new money". That was never an issue for me. I only care about the attitudes of people.

[Anonymous]

OP i went to public school around here in a wealthy suburb and there's elitism there too. There may be less of a "bubble" than at the big 3, but there's still a bubble. Not sure you can escape it in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP i went to public school around here in a wealthy suburb and there's elitism there too. There may be less of a "bubble" than at the big 3, but there's still a bubble. Not sure you can escape it in this area.

This is a really good point! My husband and I are going to try to stay in DC proper, which would (hopefully) dilute that at least a little, but you're definitely right that the elitism and bubble extend to the public schools as well

[Anonymous]

This is all very interesting. My husband went to a big 3 here and I went to a boarding school in Virginia. I was also considered a middle class kid due to the things a PP discribed. I find my experience to be more and more bothersome as a I get older and also plan on following the public school DC path for my kids.

This is one thing I will say. And I'm not even proud of this by its real life. I have gotten an incredible edge socially, in the sense of when those privileged monied big wigs at work talk about their lives, I can chime right in a like a real poseur. I was part of that New England summers, cotillion, lacrosse, sailing sort of education and world and although I don't identify with it, I can't claim I'm not relieved when I have to play nice with those people.

[Anonymous]

OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all very interesting. My husband went to a big 3 here and I went to a boarding school in Virginia. I was also considered a middle class kid due to the things a PP discribed. I find my experience to be more and more bothersome as a I get older and also plan on following the public school DC path for my kids.

This is one thing I will say. And I'm not even proud of this by its real life. I have gotten an incredible edge socially, in the sense of when those privileged monied big wigs at work talk about their lives, I can chime right in a like a real poseur. I was part of that New England summers, cotillion, lacrosse, sailing sort of education and world and although I don't identify with it, I can't claim I'm not relieved when I have to play nice with those people.

What edge" does it get you socially? I'd probably walk out of a firm where the "big wigs" talked about these things. Ugh.

I'm an aristocrat but would never mention it in"real life," especially not in a work setting. Sounds very nouveau riche and insecure. The first rule of the elite is yo dn't talk about being elite. As soon as you do, you reveal that you're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me that you *do* realize that distancing yourself from "new money" is a classic attribute of "snobby, elitist culture."

At times, sure. But if you think this sentiment doesn't exist you're fooling yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all very interesting. My husband went to a big 3 here and I went to a boarding school in Virginia. I was also considered a middle class kid due to the things a PP discribed. I find my experience to be more and more bothersome as a I get older and also plan on following the public school DC path for my kids.

This is one thing I will say. And I'm not even proud of this by its real life. I have gotten an incredible edge socially, in the sense of when those privileged monied big wigs at work talk about their lives, I can chime right in a like a real poseur. I was part of that New England summers, cotillion, lacrosse, sailing sort of education and world and although I don't identify with it, I can't claim I'm not relieved when I have to play nice with those people.

What edge" does it get you socially? I'd probably walk out of a firm where the "big wigs" talked about these things. Ugh.

I'm an aristocrat but would never mention it in"real life," especially not in a work setting. Sounds very nouveau riche and insecure. The first rule of the elite is yo dn't talk about being elite. As soon as you do, you reveal that you're not.

Are you American? Big wigs love to talk about all their money, vacation homes and yachts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession.

[Anonymous]

I donot know. I saw more snobbery from acquaintances living in Bethesda and sending theits kids to the public schools than from 3 private schools parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all very interesting. My husband went to a big 3 here and I went to a boarding school in Virginia. I was also considered a middle class kid due to the things a PP discribed. I find my experience to be more and more bothersome as a I get older and also plan on following the public school DC path for my kids.

This is one thing I will say. And I'm not even proud of this by its real life. I have gotten an incredible edge socially, in the sense of when those privileged monied big wigs at work talk about their lives, I can chime right in a like a real poseur. I was part of that New England summers, cotillion, lacrosse, sailing sort of education and world and although I don't identify with it, I can't claim I'm not relieved when I have to play nice with those people.

What edge" does it get you socially? I'd probably walk out of a firm where the "big wigs" talked about these things. Ugh.

I'm an aristocrat but would never mention it in"real life," especially not in a work setting. Sounds very nouveau riche and insecure. The first rule of the elite is yo dn't talk about being elite. As soon as you do, you reveal that you're not.

Are you American? Big wigs love to talk about all their money, vacation homes and yachts!

Hi, OP here. I just wanted to say I didn't participate in any part of this convo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I donot know. I saw more snobbery from acquaintances living in Bethesda and sending theits kids to the public schools than from 3 private schools parents.

Hi, I'm the OP- that's very possible. I grew up in DC, not Bethesda, so I didn't know a ton of Bethesda public school kids. My husband and I hope to be able to live in an area of DC with good public schools, rather than a suburb. However, I suspect the snobbery sneaks into every school. Hopefully, though, not as much as the private schools

[Anonymous]

NP here. This is what I found when I met several Big-3 parents at a party recently. I imagined that they would be more like the families I was used to growing up (I went to a private school but not in DC) but they were definitely first-generation private parents, mainly from the tech industry. Which is fine, of course, but not at all what I expected.

Oh, Bunny! How icky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP here. This is what I found when I met several Big-3 parents at a party recently. I imagined that they would be more like the families I was used to growing up (I went to a private school but not in DC) but they were definitely first-generation private parents, mainly from the tech industry. Which is fine, of course, but not at all what I expected.

Oh, Bunny! How icky!

OP again - what do you mean not what you expected? How were they different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession.

Thanks for your very candid response! I'm struggling with balancing putting my DC is an environment where she doesn't feel like she fits with putting her in an environment I don't trust to prepare her to succeed in college. If I were to move into an area with better public schools I suspect she would still experience not fitting in, as those schools tend to be in the wealthier areas anyway. For minorities it's like a catch 22 all around. How sad.