Should I wait until my husband finishes his phd in a year to get divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I haven't read everyone's advice, but if you're still reading:

First, ignore people who definitively say you're "not being abused."

Second, pay attention to the people who tell you to seek a therapist specializing in PPD, but also in general life areas.

Third, ask your DH to attend therapy with you, at least one session (consult your therapist on this one). This will give your therapist a comprehensive look at what your home life is like.

Fourth, go to therapy as often as is recommended. If, in a couple months, the abuse escalates, or you can definitively say that you in fact ARE being abused, then do these things in this order:

1) Tell people you trust with your life (preferably who don't know or don't like your husband) that you want to get a divorce. You will need the support.
2) Consult a lawyer. They can be expensive, so you may need to ask for money from your above support network.
3) Make arrangements for you and the baby to go to a safe place (preferably a friend or relative's house [b]in the same state you live in at the time*[\b]).
4) On the day you want to either confront H or tell him you want a divorce, make sure you are either a) At your safe place or b) able to go there immediately. You can either email your husband, or talk to him in person or phone, but DO NOT DO IT ALONE. Have someone with you, whether in person or on the phone. If he is verbally abusive, chances are high that he could escalate into physical abuse, and you don't want to be there if he feels that urge.
5) Proceed with divorce
6) Do not underestimate him. Expect evil and be prepared.

*In many states, taking your child across state lines without the other parent's knowledge or consent can be considered parental kidnapping. You do not want to be accused of this.

This is wonderful and should be a pinned post. Thank you PP. You are awesome (I am not the OP btw, but saw my mom go thru a horrific divorce with an abusive husband- this is excellent advice and you should seriously repost it when needed. Thank you)