Autonomy Within Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the link PP. OP, check out this list!!

Signs You’re In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

You often feel afraid of your partner.

You avoid certain topics for fear of angering your partner.

You feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner.

You believe you deserve to be mistreated.

You wonder if you’re crazy.

You feel emotionally numb or helpless.

Your partner yells at you or humiliates you.

Your partner criticizes you and puts you down.

Your partner treats you so badly that you’re embarrassed that your friends or family might see it.

Your partner ignores or mocks your opinions or accomplishments.

Your partner blames you for his or her own abusive behavior.

Your partner sees you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person.

Your partner is jealous and possessive.

Your partner controls where you go or what you do.

Your partner keeps you from seeing your friends or family.

Your partner limits your access to money, the phone, or the car.

Your partner constantly checks up on you.

- See more at: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/emotional-abuse-resources/#sthash.QyMJaAgs.dpuf

OP here - the bolded are true, although I would replace "angering" with "annoying" or "bothering."

OP, I came back to check in on you. I am not an expert but I really urge you to take what we are saying seriously. You should call the helpline and they can give you advice and resources. Please do take this step- it doesn't sound like you are in immediate physical danger but this is not right and should not be happening, and you need help from experts at this point.

Call a help line: Toll Free Phone: [phone] / 800-799-SAFE

[Anonymous]

Also- this is definitely impacting your children. Even if he's not abuse towards them they are learning that this type of abuse is healthy and normal.

[Anonymous]

I got out of a bad situation with a guy like OPs husband. I didn't even realize how bad it was until months and months after I left. I had started to feel like it was normal or justified. I was even proud when I learned to load the laundry "properly". Months later, I'll think of something he did and it will click and I'll be like "OMG THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP!".

OP, get out. Get away. You have no idea how big a relief it will be. You have no idea how messed up your situation sounds to others. I didn't either.

[Anonymous]

There is a guy at my work like this. He is very very capable, does excellent work. However, I had to work with him on a project and I quickly realized why his wife left him. He has to have his way on everything. He insists politely, calmly, and firmly. He is never rude. Never raises his voice. But I decided I would never work with him again and understood completely why his wife left. There are many things where there are many legitimate ways to do things, and a person should have some freedom to do it the way they like.

[Anonymous]

All this organizing the dishwasher, funny about laundry, watching packages come in, having the house just so, monitoring the hell out of everything reminds me of

Sleeping With the Enemy.

No way I'd live like that. I might even kill the bastard.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 16:24 ! I thought of that movie Sleeping With the Enemy too! Please OP, go for some counseling. Let us know what happens. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't feel like I have to consult my husband about anything if I don't want to because he trusts my judgement. I often do ask his opinion or even permission for things but that's usually out of respect, like "can I go to a movie with my sister?" because he will be responsible for our 4 children while I'm gone so I'll make sure he's ok with that but I can probably count on one hand how many times he has said no to me in 17 years. I absolutely couldn't stand having a controlling husband.