My FIL is a child abuser and a wife beater. I don't know how to process that.

[Anonymous]

Op, it sounds like you want to lock the thread because not everyone is agreeing with your reaction--particularly those individuals who have been in your husband's place. Please listen to what they are saying instead of just blocking out the voices who don't agree with you--for your husband's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, it sounds like you want to lock the thread because not everyone is agreeing with your reaction--particularly those individuals who have been in your husband's place. Please listen to what they are saying instead of just blocking out the voices who don't agree with you--for your husband's sake.

It's the nastiness and the attacking and accusing me and others of saying things or believing things that makes me want this thread closed. This poster or posters started in on me way back on the first 1 or 2 pages and I don't want to deal with it any more. I've tried to be reasonable.
I'm fine with people sharing different viewpoints, but there's a way to go about it and being nasty to someone isn't it.

I've already submitted a request to Jeff, He can do what he wants.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have the same feelings. My MIL is a lovely woman but I learned a few years ago that she was abusive to DH as a child. What bothers me most is that he grew up to be an angry adult (not abusive but short tempered). I feel like she screwed him up and I'm the one dealing with it. Ok, whining over... I've never shared this with anyone before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult survivors of childhood abuse have high incident of failed marriages.

http://www.asca.org.au/WHAT-WE-DO/For-Survivors/Resources-for-Survivors/How-can-abuse-affect-me

My H was abused as a child but he thought he had put that in the past, dealt with it and/or forgiven. He thought is was man enough to just let it go.

After our 2nd child was born his anxiety was so intense it completely destroyed our relationship. We went to counseling for "marriage counseling" but there was nothing wrong with the marriage. Things got a little better but my H was just suppressing all his feelings.

A few years later he started to self destruct. I finally told him I could not live this way anymore. It took 4 months of therapy before he finally admitted he was abused as a child. Now he is in intensive therapy. It sucks for him, me the kids.

I highly suggest your H get therapy now before it completely affects you and the future stability of your children (if you have any). If you don't have children do not have any until he gets therapy.

We've only been married 19 months it won't be 2 years until August I think we're doing ok relationship wise. Our first child is due in weeks so there's no putting that off until he goes to therapy.

OP, I am struggling to understand how nothing about his childhood has come up until now? While you were dating, engaged, etc you two never talked about how your childhood was or how his was? I can't imagine getting married to someone and not knowing any background or insight into their childhood. How long did you guys date before getting married? Or possibly you did talk about these things, but he never was open about the struggles. My fear as other pp have mentioned is that as time goes on, these things are going to start to come out in several different ways, many of which could potentially be negative. I would suggest that the two of you have further discussions on the subject and consider therapy.

I am the PP of this post, not OP.

My H and dated for 6 years and have been married 20 years. NOTHING about his childhood abuse was mentioned to me until I separated from him. I know his family and we spend tons of time with them.

He is in IC, I am in IC and we are in Family Therapy. All therapist suspected abuse. It took him 8 months of counseling to admit that he was abused and that this abuse is affecting him, he is 52. He thought it was in the past, he forgave, he was fine, he was strong enough, etc.

Reading about Adult survivors of abuse it is common for them to tell nobody and to believe that they have "dealt" with it on their own.

I knew he struggled with anxieties, mild self esteem issues and was "introverted" (not actually just can't trust enough to make friends). It is all clear now.

I wish OP would get the therapy now, before it affects the children but she does not seem open to it. It's not pretty addressing this separated with teen children.

[jsteele]

Locking per request of the OP.