Where to find girls who would be housewives

[Anonymous]

Check out yesterday's article in the WP about Heidi Cruz. That's what you're looking for. A beautiful, driven Harvard MBA ex-Goldman Sachs who can put up with someone who is generally intolerable.

[Anonymous]

Become Amish. Become a hassidic jew. Move to Saudi Arabia. Move to Egypt.

I hope you want lots of kids, because housewives usually want lots of kids.

[Anonymous]

you should have known better than to pose that question here. these bitches don't know anything about being a good wife. read the hate. read how thet don't love their husbands. read how they wish their husbands dead. read how they bully their men.

be the best you can be as a potential husband and look for the same qualities in a woman. don't settle. if you do she may post about you here.

good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

Your mother did exactly what my mother did and my wife does, both of whom had full-time careers.

I also do every one of those things (maintenance of family relationships - talk about a stretch - LOL) and I work.

"maintenance of family relationships" -- gosh, why such a sneer? maybe maintaining your family relationships requires only making regular telephone calls. maybe for others, maintaining family relationships means taking care of an elderly parent with dementia or moving a parent into a retirement home from across the country, dealing with lengthy medical issues or planning a funeral.

We do ALL of us -- WOHM and SAHMs -- when we minimize the unpaid work of reproduction and family. If you aren't personally doing it, then you're either outsourcing it or you're lucky enough not to have to deal with a particular issues (disabled child or parent, death, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, here? There are tons on DCUM. Don't know why all of you are so high and mighty considering your constant insistence that SAH is the best thing ever.

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of bitter harpies that want to tell everyone else how they should live.

[Anonymous]

Are you rich? I'm not kidding. What are you going to bring to the table if she stays home with the kids? How much of an allowance are you going to give her? Can she play tennis, lunch and shop?

Yea, I doubt many women find that exciting after a couple years. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

This post is ridiculous on a number of levels I'm sure the poster doesn't even recognize.

It might be ridiculous to you but it resonates with me.

My Mom also worked and I was in aftercare and summer day care almost my whole childhood. I was a latchkey kid too early, in retrospect, and the trouble that I got into both big and small wouldn't have happened if I had a parent at home (or parents who weren't compelled to save a a buck and ditch the aftercare too early). My MIL was around after school, and I think the situation was a better one for many reasons. I plan to emulate it and should be able to because I work part time for myself.

I also see the wisdom in going back before high school, because it's not just a trite saying that they really need you in the high school years. I want to be around at that time. I'd argue that many kids really need an adult presence at that time -- to drive them to activities so they can do more activities, to keep them out of trouble, just to have someone there.

If PP wants to and can financially swing a "little" job like working at a dog day care (and let's presume she brings this up because she likes dogs and would enjoy that) I think that's wonderful. She could make $10-$20K for that year and it would allow for a good vacation if they otherwise don't need to put it to bills. And OP can socialize and get out and do something different a few hours a week.

It might not work with your life, but why is that ridiculous?

That's not the ridiculous part. The ridiculous part is the implication that women who work don't prioritize family. And don't even get me started on the idea of working at a doggy daycare to save for vacation. I'm sure her high-flying husband really respects that! LOL.

a) Women who work have a harder time prioritizing family. Not saying it can't be pulled off. Also, some stay at home mom's are STILL not prioritizing family and are self-occupied. However, fact remains, more time at work means less time with family.

b) Men respect passionate, self-directed, happy women. They don't give a crap what kind of job they do. They just want them to be happy and engaged.
Your last comment in particular was very ignorant regarding men.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have to think about what other qualities you want in your future DW and the kind of relationship you expect to have with her before you just go around seeking women who are interested in this. I agree with everyone else that it's a woman's choice to be a SAHM, but that only comes with the comfort of knowing that financially you can handle the household expenses and the kids and wife's needs. Above all, make sure the DW you pick will be someone who is self motivated otherwise SAHM means nothing.

I have my Masters degree and I would love to be a SAHM when the time comes. I didn't know that was something I would have ever wanted before I met my fiance. Now, it is the only thing that I know I want when I am a mother. His work consists of long hours but he enjoys what he does so me being able to SAH with our infant is going to help a lot in child care costs. One major decision making point for us was when we both realized my income even at the height of my career won't compare to what he is making and thus it makes sense for me to leave the work force for a few years, do the SAH gig, and return to my career once the kids are in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

I call B.S. I've got friends with high paying jobs and they hire help. Their nanny runs them about 60K per year. She does all the kids stuff. drop off, pick up, wash, etc. My friends have a much more relaxed lifestyle than my husband and I. I SAH and he works. We don't have a nanny so we have to do all of the stuff my friends nanny does + work. A woman who has a high salary and wants to stay home uses her husbands work schedule as an excuse for why she doesn't want to work but the bottom line is that she doesn't want to work so she isn't. If she wanted to she would work and find a way to get it done.

PP here. Pretty sure I know my own friends better than you do. Thanks for disrespecting these women you've never met and not believing that they made a sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

Your mother did exactly what my mother did and my wife does, both of whom had full-time careers.

Dang, really? Your father and you didn't/don't lift a finger on the home front, and everyone is ok with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

Your mother did exactly what my mother did and my wife does, both of whom had full-time careers.

I also do every one of those things (maintenance of family relationships - talk about a stretch - LOL) and I work.

"maintenance of family relationships" -- gosh, why such a sneer? maybe maintaining your family relationships requires only making regular telephone calls. maybe for others, maintaining family relationships means taking care of an elderly parent with dementia or moving a parent into a retirement home from across the country, dealing with lengthy medical issues or planning a funeral.

We do ALL of us -- WOHM and SAHMs -- when we minimize the unpaid work of reproduction and family. If you aren't personally doing it, then you're either outsourcing it or you're lucky enough not to have to deal with a particular issues (disabled child or parent, death, etc.)

actually, my parents both died young. how despicable to imply otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

This post is ridiculous on a number of levels I'm sure the poster doesn't even recognize.

It might be ridiculous to you but it resonates with me.

My Mom also worked and I was in aftercare and summer day care almost my whole childhood. I was a latchkey kid too early, in retrospect, and the trouble that I got into both big and small wouldn't have happened if I had a parent at home (or parents who weren't compelled to save a a buck and ditch the aftercare too early). My MIL was around after school, and I think the situation was a better one for many reasons. I plan to emulate it and should be able to because I work part time for myself.

I also see the wisdom in going back before high school, because it's not just a trite saying that they really need you in the high school years. I want to be around at that time. I'd argue that many kids really need an adult presence at that time -- to drive them to activities so they can do more activities, to keep them out of trouble, just to have someone there.

If PP wants to and can financially swing a "little" job like working at a dog day care (and let's presume she brings this up because she likes dogs and would enjoy that) I think that's wonderful. She could make $10-$20K for that year and it would allow for a good vacation if they otherwise don't need to put it to bills. And OP can socialize and get out and do something different a few hours a week.

It might not work with your life, but why is that ridiculous?

That's not the ridiculous part. The ridiculous part is the implication that women who work don't prioritize family. And don't even get me started on the idea of working at a doggy daycare to save for vacation. I'm sure her high-flying husband really respects that! LOL.

a) Women who work have a harder time prioritizing family. Not saying it can't be pulled off. Also, some stay at home mom's are STILL not prioritizing family and are self-occupied. However, fact remains, more time at work means less time with family.

b) Men respect passionate, self-directed, happy women. They don't give a crap what kind of job they do. They just want them to be happy and engaged.
Your last comment in particular was very ignorant regarding men.

Yes, I'm sure at the Board meeting he'll get into a detailed discussion of the doggie daycare. These marriages just don't exist on a level playing field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you rich? I'm not kidding. What are you going to bring to the table if she stays home with the kids? How much of an allowance are you going to give her? Can she play tennis, lunch and shop?

Yea, I doubt many women find that exciting after a couple years. Good luck.

Exactly. SAHM here who "has it all." Gym membership, fantastic house and car, coffee with friends, etc. I'm bored and unfulfilled. To the horror of many, going back to work I soon. Probably something I am overqualified for but don't really give a damn...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of women want this but are afraid to say it. Look for someone nurturing and orderly who is self motivated to finish tasks.

SAH is what I wanted - DH was supportive either way. It was easy for me to be up front with my husband because in Muslim families this is more accepted. I have friends that come from a typical american christian background and they were sooo afraid to say anything. It's important you're on the SAME page before marriage. I've seen lots of secret resentment because moms wish their DH would support them to SAH. I worked as a nanny for a few years in undergrad and met so many moms like this . I don't know if I would have been so upfront about the SAHM thing unless I experienced all the resentment issues from when I nannied in my early 20s.

I actually work part time from home now and it's perfect. I don't want to SAH full time, but it's really nice I can work part-time. I'd also like to add that DH is wonderful in terms of support and I am very lucky. When we first met I told him how I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue working in my field or change and his response was, "That's fine, you can be a really good housewife." hahahah this is definitely not what an american guy would say.