Where to find girls who would be housewives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

I am a sahm and I don't "serve" my husband or children.

[Anonymous]

Uh, here? There are tons on DCUM. Don't know why all of you are so high and mighty considering your constant insistence that SAH is the best thing ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Umm no. Many women are highly educated and find work to be fulfilling.

And don't feel like turning into a slave. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

I am a BigLaw partner, my DW stays home, and I totally agree, she makes it possible for me to do what I do for the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

I am a BigLaw partner, my DW stays home, and I totally agree, she makes it possible for me to do what I do for the family

I don't disagree with this. I just don't think you function as equal partners in your household, which is not a relationship I'd want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

In our neighborhood, most women were SAHM early childhood. But I do notice the problem as the youngest hits full time school, a sense of being left behind. I do hope my SAHM wife can find something meaningful, I feel it already creeping in and the youngest is only 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+1 I'm a SAHM and a Harvard Law grad. I never intended to SAH--in fact, never imagined it--but my career involved too much travel to work with a family, and DH's big law career involved too many hours. I'm not sure looking for someone who wants to stay home is the right strategy--for instance, I couldn't imagine it when I was in school, or when my career was taking off. It had to do with the way our two careers intermeshed, and that we knew that if we added kids in the mix, something would have to give or they'd be primarily raised by hired help. We have worked it out very well, and the bonus is that we do deal with each other as equals because I've been there/done that re Big Law, so I get what he has to deal with, and he can talk about his job as if to a peer. We met as peers/equals in law school and that formed the basis of our relationship--there are no power differentials.

[Anonymous]

Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

This post is ridiculous on a number of levels I'm sure the poster doesn't even recognize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

This post is ridiculous on a number of levels I'm sure the poster doesn't even recognize.

It might be ridiculous to you but it resonates with me.

My Mom also worked and I was in aftercare and summer day care almost my whole childhood. I was a latchkey kid too early, in retrospect, and the trouble that I got into both big and small wouldn't have happened if I had a parent at home (or parents who weren't compelled to save a a buck and ditch the aftercare too early). My MIL was around after school, and I think the situation was a better one for many reasons. I plan to emulate it and should be able to because I work part time for myself.

I also see the wisdom in going back before high school, because it's not just a trite saying that they really need you in the high school years. I want to be around at that time. I'd argue that many kids really need an adult presence at that time -- to drive them to activities so they can do more activities, to keep them out of trouble, just to have someone there.

If PP wants to and can financially swing a "little" job like working at a dog day care (and let's presume she brings this up because she likes dogs and would enjoy that) I think that's wonderful. She could make $10-$20K for that year and it would allow for a good vacation if they otherwise don't need to put it to bills. And OP can socialize and get out and do something different a few hours a week.

It might not work with your life, but why is that ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

I call B.S. I've got friends with high paying jobs and they hire help. Their nanny runs them about 60K per year. She does all the kids stuff. drop off, pick up, wash, etc. My friends have a much more relaxed lifestyle than my husband and I. I SAH and he works. We don't have a nanny so we have to do all of the stuff my friends nanny does + work. A woman who has a high salary and wants to stay home uses her husbands work schedule as an excuse for why she doesn't want to work but the bottom line is that she doesn't want to work so she isn't. If she wanted to she would work and find a way to get it done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a young guy, and I want to date( and eventually marry) a girl who would be willing to be a homemaker. Where can I find girls like this? Are there any dating sites for this kind of thing?

Most universities. A lot of women go to get an MRS degree.

The whole concept of an MRS degree is sexist.

OP, find someone you love who share the same values you do. State at that outset that you want a family and you're looking for someone who would consider becoming SAHM. You'll risk rejection, but don't you want to skip the women who aren't really interested in your goals anyway? Be direct, let the ones who don't want the same things go, and focus on the right one for your future.

Signed,
a Happy SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with the above. Look for someone who having a family is a priority. As you are getting serious, you can have the conversation about staying at home/vs working. I was a daycare kid from 3 months on and my MIL stayed at home. I l love and respect my mother- she is my best friend- but there were so many times in my life that I wish she was home with us.

My kids are 6 and 9 and I'm now thinking about going back to work for a few years before high school sets in. I don't want to go back into my former high powered career so I'm thinking of something like working at a doggie daycare. I figure I'll just throw the money in a pot and we can take a fabulous vacation once a year.

This post is ridiculous on a number of levels I'm sure the poster doesn't even recognize.

It might be ridiculous to you but it resonates with me.

My Mom also worked and I was in aftercare and summer day care almost my whole childhood. I was a latchkey kid too early, in retrospect, and the trouble that I got into both big and small wouldn't have happened if I had a parent at home (or parents who weren't compelled to save a a buck and ditch the aftercare too early). My MIL was around after school, and I think the situation was a better one for many reasons. I plan to emulate it and should be able to because I work part time for myself.

I also see the wisdom in going back before high school, because it's not just a trite saying that they really need you in the high school years. I want to be around at that time. I'd argue that many kids really need an adult presence at that time -- to drive them to activities so they can do more activities, to keep them out of trouble, just to have someone there.

If PP wants to and can financially swing a "little" job like working at a dog day care (and let's presume she brings this up because she likes dogs and would enjoy that) I think that's wonderful. She could make $10-$20K for that year and it would allow for a good vacation if they otherwise don't need to put it to bills. And OP can socialize and get out and do something different a few hours a week.

It might not work with your life, but why is that ridiculous?

That's not the ridiculous part. The ridiculous part is the implication that women who work don't prioritize family. And don't even get me started on the idea of working at a doggy daycare to save for vacation. I'm sure her high-flying husband really respects that! LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

I graduated from law school in 1999, but when my youngest showed signs of ASD, I chose to stay at home to manage his therapies and after care myself while raising my other two kids.

It's not for everyone, and I know that I'm not the only lawyer who does this with every intention of reentering the profession.

I've posted this before, but it's worth posting again: "The Lawyers at Home Committee advances the interests of lawyers who have presently turned all, or a significant portion of their attention, from career to family. This committee holds monthly meetings and reaches out to lawyers at home and those with part-time or home-based practices."
from the Women's Bar Association of DC's website: http://www.wbadc.org/committees_forums#Lawyers_at_Home_Forum

The truth is that a law degree is so portable that there are established -- although not conventional partner track -- ways for women to reenter the profession after staying at home for a while.

[Anonymous]

^^
It has a Working Parents Committee too:
Co-Chairs: Mareesa Frederick, Candace Smyth
The Working Parents Committee provides working parents with informative programs that will further parents' ability to balance family and career obligations. Forum programs address issues such as flexible work schedules, time management, communication between genders, and networking, all from the perspective of the busy working parent. The programs also provide parents with opportunities to exchange information and ideas for successfully balancing their many responsibilities.