How to decline being a bridesmaid in stepsister's wedding?

[Anonymous]

OP this is one of those things.

It is a family member. Saying no will impact the relationship. I wouldn't call it tacky but it will impact the relationship. If you're ok with that great and if not great.

But the reality is if one plane ticket is going to prevent you from going to the wedding AT ALL then that already says something about how you're prioritizing this. And if you ended up showing up after declining then it would feel like you just didn't want to stand up there with her. I don't think you or SS is selfish, you just have to honestly accept what declining would mean.

The only way I think you come out at a relatively equal place to where you are now is if you say you can't be a bridesmaid because you can't afford the extras (which you are super sad about it) but that you and DD will DEFINITELY be there to support her. Anything else is going to send a message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It sounds like your step sister wants to acknowledge your family relationship, but you don't. Which is fine, but you should admit that.

I nursed until my kids were close to 3, but I still left each for an occasional long weekend when they were toddlers (including 15 months). Extended breastfeeding is awesome, but toddler can survive without it. She's not an infant.

You are looking for excuses not to go -- again, fine, but you should admit that.


+1. There's no reason you can't go by yourself for two nights. You could be away from your 15-month-old for 48 hours if you wanted to. You don't have to attend a shower or bachelorette or pay to have your hair and makeup done. If you wanted to be there to support her, you would. You don't, which is okay, but own it.


It's NOT a two-day trip.

Isn't it supporting her by going to the wedding? I don't have to be a bridesmaid to support her.

I don't know why you posted. You don't want to do it. You don't intend to do it. You won't or can't make any of the changes or accommodations necessary to do it. All of that is fine, but you don't seem to have a question or want advice. Just tell her no.

If you read her post, she is asking how to decline, not how to make it work. Your suggestions are great for someone who really wants to go and be a bridesmaid at this wedding and is trying to make it work. You are right that OP wants to be a guest at this wedding only and wants to know how to convey that.

She's asking how to decline without damaging the relationship. Most PPs have said that they think that that is kind of impossible and OP doesn't want to hear it. I agree with PP.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that the ss only asked out of obligation. They're not close, they don't live near each other, the ss basically even gave op an out by saying she und understands if she can't do it. All told, I bet ss doesn't even care get her op says yes or no, maybe even hopes she can't make it.

Just decline politely op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that the ss only asked out of obligation. They're not close, they don't live near each other, the ss basically even gave op an out by saying she und understands if she can't do it. All told, I bet ss doesn't even care get her op says yes or no, maybe even hopes she can't make it.

Just decline politely op.

I totally agree with this. Do people not understand that every family is not up each other asses? Why would her feelings be hurt - they don't live close and they are not emotionally close.

I turned down my childhood bff bridesmaid invitation. I told her I couldn't swing it financially and I had a lot on my plate (grad school, first job, etc). To this day, I believe she asked out of obligation (our moms are BFF). I have lost zero sleep over it. I went to the wedding with my family and nothing was awkward.

[Anonymous]

Most people offering advice here are old and haven't gone further afield than Florida. I back you completely- I would never leave my baby for what clearly would be a 4 day trip (again people on here don't know what it is like to travel to the west coast). Just decline politely whole explaining the financial and time constraints you have. I am sure she would understand. Just leave a door open in case tickets are too expensive. It's ONE DAY. Anyone who takes their wedding too seriously isn't worth knowing anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP-Talk to your common parent and see what they have to say. They should be able to give you some insight regarding the issue.

[Anonymous]

Dear lord, OP, just tell her the truth, that you cannot afford to be a bridesmaid. How difficult is this?

[Anonymous]

Op, I may be an outlier here, but to me it honestly sounds like she would rather you weren't a bridesmaid. She gave you an out right away. Like maybe your shared parent suggested/sort of told her to ask you. So she said, would you be a bridesmaid, but I totally get if you can't.
To m me that sounds like someone is polite asking. Then the fact that lots of folks were surprised, another hint that it's probably not expected that you be a bridesmaid.

With all that, I think all the suggestions you got about how to decline but also say that you'd love to attend are perfect.

You shouldn't worry about the relationship. It sounds like you both want the same thing.