How long do I need put up with laziness?

[Anonymous]

Tech is well known to be ageist.

I'm not sure about "over 30" being too old, but once you start looking middle aged, people constantly assume that you are out of touch. It really gets bad around the time you start pushing 50.

I'm not saying that it's impossible to find employment, but it is true that you will constantly be forced to prove that you are not out of touch or senile.

Don't get too comfortable in your current position. I've known countless people that had a nice gig for years, got let go and are unable to find a job because their skill set (which was OK for their now eliminated position) is obsolete and the 28 year old hiring managers prefer hiring recent grads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tech is well known to be ageist.

I'm not sure about "over 30" being too old, but once you start looking middle aged, people constantly assume that you are out of touch. It really gets bad around the time you start pushing 50.

I'm not saying that it's impossible to find employment, but it is true that you will constantly be forced to prove that you are not out of touch or senile.

Don't get too comfortable in your current position. I've known countless people that had a nice gig for years, got let go and are unable to find a job because their skill set (which was OK for their now eliminated position) is obsolete and the 28 year old hiring managers prefer hiring recent grads.

What about for the non-tech positions at a start up like CFO, CMO or HR VP? Is ageism also a problem at these places?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tech is well known to be ageist.

I'm not sure about "over 30" being too old, but once you start looking middle aged, people constantly assume that you are out of touch. It really gets bad around the time you start pushing 50.

I'm not saying that it's impossible to find employment, but it is true that you will constantly be forced to prove that you are not out of touch or senile.

Don't get too comfortable in your current position. I've known countless people that had a nice gig for years, got let go and are unable to find a job because their skill set (which was OK for their now eliminated position) is obsolete and the 28 year old hiring managers prefer hiring recent grads.

What about for the non-tech positions at a start up like CFO, CMO or HR VP? Is ageism also a problem at these places?

I'm honestly am not sure if you are joking or not. What makes you think that the OP's un/underemployed DH is going to get a job in the C-Suite at a "start up"?

[Anonymous]

Maybe I misunderstood the meaning of your question.

Are you simply asking if ageism is a problem with non-tech positions?

I don't think ageism is as rampant in "leadership" positions, but I know that the average age of a C-suite exec has dropped substantially over the last 20 years. It used to be the norm for the CEO to be around 60. Now 45-50 is more common.

[Anonymous]

I see a pattern where people get into management or project manager positions, where they gradually lose touch with the technical stuff.

This is OK for a while, but about 10-20 years of being out of the trenches, the "strong" leaders tend to have moved up to senior management. The remaining "average" managers eventually become too expensive and are let go.

They struggle to find another job because their skill set is out of date, they want too much money, and they were only average to begin with.

Most companies don't to pay top dollar for an average worker, with an out of date skill set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ Then what are you waiting for?

I have children, we have history, and I'm not big on "quitting" if there is a hope that he can turn it around.

Excuses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1 that there are the right questions to ask. My DH, who I met in college and was working when we married, has a JD and a Master's and is currently a SAHD that doesn't even keep up with the house or kids all that well but knows a LOT about video games and his hobbies. He is only a SAHD because he lost his job and didn't even try to find anything else.

I work 60-80 hours a week and have to nag him to do even the most basic thing. But for the kids, I would be out in a moment, not because he doesn't fulfill some SES need but because he is not truly a partner. Instead of the motivated person I married, he is horribly lazy and selfish. It just isn't clear from your post whether that is true of your DH or not...

So he checked off all your on paper boxes and now you feel deceived. I hope this serves as a valuable lessons to your fellow money grubbing broads.

I'm money grubbing for not wanting to give a man almost 40 a video game allowance and wanting to see my kids instead of working more than 12 hours a day? Um, no.

I am male. I work 10-12 hours a day. My wife is SAHM. She does nothing. The child is in middle school. I do the cooking and the cleaning. She buys things on one day, and returns them the next; oh, and she forwads me at least 50 memes daily. How is that different that your Hubby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1 that there are the right questions to ask. My DH, who I met in college and was working when we married, has a JD and a Master's and is currently a SAHD that doesn't even keep up with the house or kids all that well but knows a LOT about video games and his hobbies. He is only a SAHD because he lost his job and didn't even try to find anything else.

I work 60-80 hours a week and have to nag him to do even the most basic thing. But for the kids, I would be out in a moment, not because he doesn't fulfill some SES need but because he is not truly a partner. Instead of the motivated person I married, he is horribly lazy and selfish. It just isn't clear from your post whether that is true of your DH or not...

So he checked off all your on paper boxes and now you feel deceived. I hope this serves as a valuable lessons to your fellow money grubbing broads.

I'm money grubbing for not wanting to give a man almost 40 a video game allowance and wanting to see my kids instead of working more than 12 hours a day? Um, no.

I am male. I work 10-12 hours a day. My wife is SAHM. She does nothing. The child is in middle school. I do the cooking and the cleaning. She buys things on one day, and returns them the next; oh, and she forwads me at least 50 memes daily. How is that different that your Hubby?

PP here. It isn't, I didn't say it was, and I didn't call you money grubbing.

[Anonymous]

This woman needs to do tough love. No threats, just pack everything with the kids and leave. Her DH has no incentive to change if she is busting her ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women dont marry humans; They marry socioeconomic statuses. When that status changes downward, she wants out because it's not about the human to begin with. She feels like she's been cheated out the SES that he represented to her when they were younger.

That's fine. If he misrepresented himself, he probably understood your preference and he lied because he was insecure. Then his SES went down from there. I don't blame you for being disappointed and wanting out. Just be aware that there will be no pot of gold at the end of your philosophical rainbow.

ALL women marry socioeconomic statuses. Any man planning to get married needs to make peace with that fact. Or not get married. Otherwise, he is asking for a world of pain.

But so do men. And all women should be aware if that.

My XH testified in court that he only married me because I earned enough to support myself and the kids. He said that he never intended to be the sole breadwinner even in case of a major health crisis, although I had supported the family while he pursued a second and third advanced degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women dont marry humans; They marry socioeconomic statuses. When that status changes downward, she wants out because it's not about the human to begin with. She feels like she's been cheated out the SES that he represented to her when they were younger.

That's fine. If he misrepresented himself, he probably understood your preference and he lied because he was insecure. Then his SES went down from there. I don't blame you for being disappointed and wanting out. Just be aware that there will be no pot of gold at the end of your philosophical rainbow.

ALL women marry socioeconomic statuses. Any man planning to get married needs to make peace with that fact. Or not get married. Otherwise, he is asking for a world of pain.

But so do men. And all women should be aware if that.

My XH testified in court that he only married me because I earned enough to support myself and the kids. He said that he never intended to be the sole breadwinner even in case of a major health crisis, although I had supported the family while he pursued a second and third advanced degree.

Men don't do this nearly to the extent that women do it.

Most educated, professional women would never settle-down with an attractive young man who had no education beyond high school, no career prospects and little ambition beyond just wanting to stay at home and take care of the kids. But men do this all of the time.