How long do I need put up with laziness?

[Anonymous]

He was working as a computer programmer when we met making great money. Told he has a degree in math from UMCP and was a self-taught programmer (I found out that's a lie-- he never graduated-- but that's another issue).He was laid off fifteen years ago! He gave up looking for a new computing job many years ago and refuses to go back to school to better himself. He's been working as a waiter, courier, and delivering pizzas. I'm embarrassed and tell my kid and everyone I know he's a computer programmer. He's so smart but such an underachiever. I didn't sign up for this.

[Anonymous]

You married a person, not a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You married a person, not a job.

Yes, I married a person with certain qualities. He doesn't have those anymore.

[Anonymous]

Are "my kids", his kids? If so, they are as much his kids as yours.

[Anonymous]

why did he give up looking for a job? i thought computer jobs were aplenty?

[Anonymous]

You want to divorce him because you don't like his job? Why don't you find satisfaction in your own job?

[Anonymous]

Some women dont marry humans; They marry socioeconomic statuses. When that status changes downward, she wants out because it's not about the human to begin with. She feels like she's been cheated out the SES that he represented to her when they were younger.

That's fine. If he misrepresented himself, he probably understood your preference and he lied because he was insecure. Then his SES went down from there. I don't blame you for being disappointed and wanting out. Just be aware that there will be no pot of gold at the end of your philosophical rainbow.

[Anonymous]

Being a waiter is really hard work. So he's not lazy, he just doesn't have a job that you're proud of.

[Anonymous]

At least he is working instead of freeloading from the federal government in some way.

However, was he close to finishing school? Did he ever look into getting back in? Some people take breaks for a variety of reasons, but go back and finish what they started.

As someone else said, what kind of work do you do, and are the kids both of yours? Did he look into a temp agency at one time, because certain skill sets can gain employment without a degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a waiter is really hard work. So he's not lazy, he just doesn't have a job that you're proud of.

Right. None of those jobs sounded particularly relaxing. Just lower status and income.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have to put up with anything you don't want to put up with. Sounds like he will be better off without you anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some women dont marry humans; They marry socioeconomic statuses. When that status changes downward, she wants out because it's not about the human to begin with. She feels like she's been cheated out the SES that he represented to her when they were younger.

That's fine. If he misrepresented himself, he probably understood your preference and he lied because he was insecure. Then his SES went down from there. I don't blame you for being disappointed and wanting out. Just be aware that there will be no pot of gold at the end of your philosophical rainbow.

ALL women marry socioeconomic statuses. Any man planning to get married needs to make peace with that fact. Or not get married. Otherwise, he is asking for a world of pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was working as a computer programmer when we met making great money. Told he has a degree in math from UMCP and was a self-taught programmer (I found out that's a lie-- he never graduated-- but that's another issue).He was laid off fifteen years ago! He gave up looking for a new computing job many years ago and refuses to go back to school to better himself. He's been working as a waiter, courier, and delivering pizzas. I'm embarrassed and tell my kid and everyone I know he's a computer programmer. He's so smart but such an underachiever. I didn't sign up for this.

OP, I'm sorry. That sucks. Really bad.

Sometimes life gives you lemons. All you can do is figure out how to make lemonade. Again, I'm very sorry. Your DH is not ideal husband material.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you since he lied about his degree. My ex says every day that he is at "work" somewhere fixing somebody's toilet. He's never work somewhere where he'd have to be by certain time. He'd lose it.
There are restaurants where he could make nearly $100k a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women dont marry humans; They marry socioeconomic statuses. When that status changes downward, she wants out because it's not about the human to begin with. She feels like she's been cheated out the SES that he represented to her when they were younger.

That's fine. If he misrepresented himself, he probably understood your preference and he lied because he was insecure. Then his SES went down from there. I don't blame you for being disappointed and wanting out. Just be aware that there will be no pot of gold at the end of your philosophical rainbow.

ALL women marry socioeconomic statuses. Any man planning to get married needs to make peace with that fact. Or not get married. Otherwise, he is asking for a world of pain.

Someone died and made you the queen of ALL women? You're funny