Hey visitors: Put your kids to bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not hosting, but I did just get done "co-guesting" at my parents with my sister's family. My kids were in bed and stayed in bed by 8. She let hers stay up until 11, when she went to he'd, every night. They woke up my dad every night. No adult time with my parents, brother...or sister and BIL. Sister and BIL just can't be bothered to parent on vacation. So this isn't just about hosts; it's about other guests, too!

Time differences + early bedtimes mean my kids conk out by 7:30pm when we're out visiting and staying with my parents. My brother's baby doesn't sleep before 11pm - doesn't nap either. And do I resent my niece for being awake? No, not for one moment did that thought occur to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my son was little we'd travel to see family on the west coast, so he was always up late because of the time difference, especially at the beginning of the trip. We'd let him watch the iPad more than usual so he was out of the way and quiet. Maybe I'm oblivious and he was bothering everyone, but I really think it depends on how the kids are behaving. If they're running wild, yes there is an issue. But if they are well behaved and not bothering anyone who cares? Especially if you have the kind of kid that will sleep later if they stay up later. I'd rather deal with a kid until 10 PM if I don't have to hear them at 7 AM on vacation.

Huh? The west coast time difference should have meant your son would go to bed super early (5 pm PT is 8 pm ET) and up early in the morning. Your story does not compute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visitors/family with kids, this is not a vacation from your parental duties just because aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins are around. Get off the iPad, peel away from the conversation, pause the DVR and go put your kids to bed properly.

Why are you letting your young kids stay up more than an hour past their normal bedtime, for several nights in a row? The rest if the adults in the house should be able to have some quiet, relaxing, kid-free time...we want to chat with the other adults. ESPECIALLY those of us who have kids and did the right thing and put them to bed properly.

This is one of the strangest posts I've ever seen. Do you hate everyone or just your extended family? What a weirdo.

Let's guess what kind of guest you are...

Happy? Fun? Not the prissy old bitty in the corner rolling my eyes at people, I can tell you that.

You seriously need to take a pill or something. So some other people's kids are awake later than normal... Who cares?! The adults can talk and laugh and drink and do whatever it is you do in your family, the kids can hang out with cousins they never see, watch movies, run around, shit kids do. It's boisterous and fun and the stuff that makes memories.

I'm sure you're a real good time though. All the responsible adult guests just on the edge of their seats for the moment the kids are in bed so they can chat you up. Merry Christmas!

NP here. I see your point, but I've also experienced the other side of things. We had close friends stay with us and they have a younger kid (not the quiet tween that will happily read or play computer games). I think my friend's kid was around 2.5 or 3 at the time. My similarly aged kids went down by 8pm each night but my friends were up with their f*cken kid until around 10pm each night. Being brutally honest, the kid wasn't cute, quiet, or fun to be around during the later evening hours. I can understand older kids hanging about while adults talk, drink, whatever... but when younger kids are up late it SUCKS for everyone. I don't think hosts can dictate when kids go to bed, but they can certainly decide to avoid inviting people over in the future if the experience is unpleasant.

who lets a 3 year old stay up until 10?

People who don't think of children in expletives, and who don't think it sucks to be around them.

[Anonymous]

Our crazy not even 2-year old can stay up til 2 am and be up again at 8 am.
Luckily grandpa and grandma and 8 uncles and aunts can keep up easily. Actually, the toddler has retired at 12 am while visiting relatives.
Keep the kids in the other side of the house and you grownups chat away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our crazy not even 2-year old can stay up til 2 am and be up again at 8 am.
Luckily grandpa and grandma and 8 uncles and aunts can keep up easily. Actually, the toddler has retired at 12 am while visiting relatives.
Keep the kids in the other side of the house and you grownups chat away.

Your children "can be up" that late because you're not putting her to bed.

And your relatives wish you would do so.

The toddler doesn't "retire" on his own. YOU decide the bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a grandma and I approve this message. I love being with my grandkids, but need to recharge my batteries. Especially as, frankly, I know my oldest daughter will not only be letting her kids stay up late, she'll be sending them out for me to watch in the morning while she sleeps!

And this is what it really boils down to: parents who abstain from parenting when on vacation. They want to chill out, surf on the iPad, etc, and don't want to parent. I understand the desire to do that (I'm a parent of little kids and would love to check out), but it's a crappy thing to do to other people.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP - do you provide a sleeping area where it's quiet, and the kids can't hear the adults talking, laughing, walking around? When we stay at my sibling's house we sleep in the basement. It's not sound proofed. We can hear people walking (even if it's light) above us, chatting, laughing, the tv, the furnace, *everything*. When we visit them, no one sleeps well from all that noise. I've tried putting our kids to bed at the usual time 7:30 and 9pm (6 and 10), but they have a hard time falling asleep and have complained that they can hear us talking and laughing. It's hard both ways.

But, I get up with my kids in the morning and don't expect others to parent my kids even if I let them stay up a little bit later because it's otherwise too loud to sleep. If the adults are expecting others to take care of their kids in the mornings, then yes, they are being irresponsible and are probably a bit lax in their parenting to begin with.

When we're on vacation there are lots of things I let my kids do that I otherwise wouldn't let them do: eat ice cream everyday, watch more tv than usual, and sleep a bit later. If we're at someone else's house, I expect my kids to be mindful of others in terms of noise and general mayhem, but if they are not being obnoxious, then I would let them stay up later than usual because they're on vacation, too.

So, if you want little kids to go to sleep earlier, then make sure you provide a quiet place where they can do so without hearing the adults having fun because that's going to be distracting for little kids, and they won't be able to sleep, and that means they will be hanging out with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visitors/family with kids, this is not a vacation from your parental duties just because aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins are around. Get off the iPad, peel away from the conversation, pause the DVR and go put your kids to bed properly.

Why are you letting your young kids stay up more than an hour past their normal bedtime, for several nights in a row? The rest if the adults in the house should be able to have some quiet, relaxing, kid-free time...we want to chat with the other adults. ESPECIALLY those of us who have kids and did the right thing and put them to bed properly.

This is one of the strangest posts I've ever seen. Do you hate everyone or just your extended family? What a weirdo.

Let's guess what kind of guest you are...

Happy? Fun? Not the prissy old bitty in the corner rolling my eyes at people, I can tell you that.

You seriously need to take a pill or something. So some other people's kids are awake later than normal... Who cares?! The adults can talk and laugh and drink and do whatever it is you do in your family, the kids can hang out with cousins they never see, watch movies, run around, shit kids do. It's boisterous and fun and the stuff that makes memories.

I'm sure you're a real good time though. All the responsible adult guests just on the edge of their seats for the moment the kids are in bed so they can chat you up. Merry Christmas!

NP here. I see your point, but I've also experienced the other side of things. We had close friends stay with us and they have a younger kid (not the quiet tween that will happily read or play computer games). I think my friend's kid was around 2.5 or 3 at the time. My similarly aged kids went down by 8pm each night but my friends were up with their f*cken kid until around 10pm each night. Being brutally honest, the kid wasn't cute, quiet, or fun to be around during the later evening hours. I can understand older kids hanging about while adults talk, drink, whatever... but when younger kids are up late it SUCKS for everyone. I don't think hosts can dictate when kids go to bed, but they can certainly decide to avoid inviting people over in the future if the experience is unpleasant.

who lets a 3 year old stay up until 10?

People who don't think of children in expletives, and who don't think it sucks to be around them.

ha. you're one of the people this post is all about, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visitors/family with kids, this is not a vacation from your parental duties just because aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins are around. Get off the iPad, peel away from the conversation, pause the DVR and go put your kids to bed properly.

Why are you letting your young kids stay up more than an hour past their normal bedtime, for several nights in a row? The rest if the adults in the house should be able to have some quiet, relaxing, kid-free time...we want to chat with the other adults. ESPECIALLY those of us who have kids and did the right thing and put them to bed properly.

This is one of the strangest posts I've ever seen. Do you hate everyone or just your extended family? What a weirdo.

Let's guess what kind of guest you are...

Happy? Fun? Not the prissy old bitty in the corner rolling my eyes at people, I can tell you that.

You seriously need to take a pill or something. So some other people's kids are awake later than normal... Who cares?! The adults can talk and laugh and drink and do whatever it is you do in your family, the kids can hang out with cousins they never see, watch movies, run around, shit kids do. It's boisterous and fun and the stuff that makes memories.

I'm sure you're a real good time though. All the responsible adult guests just on the edge of their seats for the moment the kids are in bed so they can chat you up. Merry Christmas!

NP here. I see your point, but I've also experienced the other side of things. We had close friends stay with us and they have a younger kid (not the quiet tween that will happily read or play computer games). I think my friend's kid was around 2.5 or 3 at the time. My similarly aged kids went down by 8pm each night but my friends were up with their f*cken kid until around 10pm each night. Being brutally honest, the kid wasn't cute, quiet, or fun to be around during the later evening hours. I can understand older kids hanging about while adults talk, drink, whatever... but when younger kids are up late it SUCKS for everyone. I don't think hosts can dictate when kids go to bed, but they can certainly decide to avoid inviting people over in the future if the experience is unpleasant.

who lets a 3 year old stay up until 10?

Well, we live in DC and my three-year-old went to bed at 10 tonight. He usually goes to bed at around 9pm. Some people put their kids to bed at 6 or 7. We never do that. I would be so annoyed if we traveled and my host said we needed to put our kids to bed at 8. My kids are never in bed by 8.

This is not about not parenting the kids. This is about the host and other adults wanting their adult time. It has nothing to do with what's "right" for the poor kids who will be so tired. This is about you wanting to drink without hearing kids in the background.

Exactly! It is about adults wanting adult time. What is so difficult to understand about this? Oh, and by the way, instead of making snarky comments about people who wish to preserve and enjoy adult time, you should re-evaluate your kid's sleep routine... because it's bonkers.

[Anonymous]

MY 3 and 5 year olds regular bedtime is 830/9 so I don't think staying up until 10 on vacation is a big deal. I am amazed that people regularly put their kids down at 6/7, but would never insist a guest keep their child up later just to conform with my kids schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not hosting, but I did just get done "co-guesting" at my parents with my sister's family. My kids were in bed and stayed in bed by 8. She let hers stay up until 11, when she went to he'd, every night. They woke up my dad every night. No adult time with my parents, brother...or sister and BIL. Sister and BIL just can't be bothered to parent on vacation. So this isn't just about hosts; it's about other guests, too!

Time differences + early bedtimes mean my kids conk out by 7:30pm when we're out visiting and staying with my parents. My brother's baby doesn't sleep before 11pm - doesn't nap either. And do I resent my niece for being awake? No, not for one moment did that thought occur to me.

If they were dealing with their own child, fine. I would be kicked back, with my own kids in bed, enjoying a glass of wine. Off duty.

In the early morning I would be back up with my own, taking them to the basement or some other area away from the sleeping household to have my morning coffee and watch some kiddie shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my son was little we'd travel to see family on the west coast, so he was always up late because of the time difference, especially at the beginning of the trip. We'd let him watch the iPad more than usual so he was out of the way and quiet. Maybe I'm oblivious and he was bothering everyone, but I really think it depends on how the kids are behaving. If they're running wild, yes there is an issue. But if they are well behaved and not bothering anyone who cares? Especially if you have the kind of kid that will sleep later if they stay up later. I'd rather deal with a kid until 10 PM if I don't have to hear them at 7 AM on vacation.

Huh? The west coast time difference should have meant your son would go to bed super early (5 pm PT is 8 pm ET) and up early in the morning. Your story does not compute.

Sorry, from the west coast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I hate it when parents think they can go into "whatever" mode on vacation when it affects others in the house!

So rude. We always stay in a really nice hotel with a spa. Aunt Mary has ruined many a holiday until I put my foot down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - do you provide a sleeping area where it's quiet, and the kids can't hear the adults talking, laughing, walking around? When we stay at my sibling's house we sleep in the basement. It's not sound proofed. We can hear people walking (even if it's light) above us, chatting, laughing, the tv, the furnace, *everything*. When we visit them, no one sleeps well from all that noise. I've tried putting our kids to bed at the usual time 7:30 and 9pm (6 and 10), but they have a hard time falling asleep and have complained that they can hear us talking and laughing. It's hard both ways.

But, I get up with my kids in the morning and don't expect others to parent my kids even if I let them stay up a little bit later because it's otherwise too loud to sleep. If the adults are expecting others to take care of their kids in the mornings, then yes, they are being irresponsible and are probably a bit lax in their parenting to begin with.

When we're on vacation there are lots of things I let my kids do that I otherwise wouldn't let them do: eat ice cream everyday, watch more tv than usual, and sleep a bit later. If we're at someone else's house, I expect my kids to be mindful of others in terms of noise and general mayhem, but if they are not being obnoxious, then I would let them stay up later than usual because they're on vacation, too.

So, if you want little kids to go to sleep earlier, then make sure you provide a quiet place where they can do so without hearing the adults having fun because that's going to be distracting for little kids, and they won't be able to sleep, and that means they will be hanging out with you.

OP here. Yes, each family is in a guest room; one of the guest rooms have bathrooms en suite, two share a bathroom across the hall. Every room is quiet and "contained." Noise is not an issue. I could see where that would be a factor in other homes/circumstances/but it is not in ours.

PP, have you tried bringing a white noise machine, or asking your hosts for a fan to help cover up the noise? That's what we do at my in-law's when we are in the basement and would otherwise hear every creak/footstep/shout of laughter.

It sounds like you've found a good balance between extra vacation fun/relaxation for your kids AND being a good parent who is respectful of others in the home. If only every parent was as thoughtful as you are!

[Anonymous]

You're only thinking of yourself and your kids. If there are other adults in the house, consider that they may have seen quite enough of Little Billy for the day.

My 6 year old's normal bedtime is 9:30 pm. I wish he went to bed earlier, but he doesn't. He's not going to go to bed earlier just because we are on travel. I play cards, board games, color with him, and play games with him on the ipad. If his presence offends you that greatly, keep away from us and go hang with family members without kids.