Did any of you women marry beta men? Are you happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of off topic, but I found chasing success to be more like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, at a high cost of quality of life. People aren't ever on their death bed saying they wished they tried harder for a promotion.

Does it make people happy to live like that?

How much of your time do you spend budgeting, planning for retirement, wishing you could afford something? My lower income friend are preoccupied from time to time with what they should spend money on. Waste of time.

I don't stress about any of the above. I sometimes wish I had more money so I could take more vacations and weekends away, but I do that frequently already. I used to own my own business. I sold it. I have never looked back or regretted it. The stress from that was too much. I'm much happier now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of off topic, but I found chasing success to be more like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, at a high cost of quality of life. People aren't ever on their death bed saying they wished they tried harder for a promotion.

Does it make people happy to live like that?

How much of your time do you spend budgeting, planning for retirement, wishing you could afford something? My lower income friend are preoccupied from time to time with what they should spend money on. Waste of time.

I don't stress about any of the above. I sometimes wish I had more money so I could take more vacations and weekends away, but I do that frequently already. I used to own my own business. I sold it. I have never looked back or regretted it. The stress from that was too much. I'm much happier now.

You must be young and childfree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Not happy.

He schlepped thru his career, switched careers and sort of hit restart when we got married - like started back at THE BOTTOM. We were mid-30s.

So now, 5 years later, he's working 70+ hours a week trying to get ahead with his career. Now, mid-life, he's doing what he should've been doing 15+ years ago. And it's killing our marriage. He's never home. Never helps with anything or does anything. I take the responsibility for all childcare, like drop offs, pick ups, dinners, lunches, hanging out, extracurriculars, etc.

I also pay the bills, clean the house, do all the shopping, all the yard work, car maintenance stuff. Really everything. Plus I work fulltime. Ok, sometimes he puts DD in the bath. And he drops her off at school once a week (not the pick up though). But that is IT. and I hate our marriage for it. I wish we never had kids at least. Then at least I could have some semblance of a life other than caretaking for DH and DD.

Same boat here. Sucks doesn't it?

Some people need to think long and hard before having kids. Nothing worse than being stuck with someone who hates dealing with typical parent stuff and resents you for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of off topic, but I found chasing success to be more like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, at a high cost of quality of life. People aren't ever on their death bed saying they wished they tried harder for a promotion.

Does it make people happy to live like that?

How much of your time do you spend budgeting, planning for retirement, wishing you could afford something? My lower income friend are preoccupied from time to time with what they should spend money on. Waste of time.

I don't stress about any of the above. I sometimes wish I had more money so I could take more vacations and weekends away, but I do that frequently already. I used to own my own business. I sold it. I have never looked back or regretted it. The stress from that was too much. I'm much happier now.

You must be young and childfree.

No and no. I sold the business 19 years ago.

[Anonymous]

2 alphas can not exist in a marriage. One becomes the beta.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 alphas can not exist in a marriage. One becomes the beta.

Interesting, interesting. I think both my husband and I think we're the alpha. I wonder who really is.

[Anonymous]

My husband is probably the type of guy many of the might consider to be a "beta". I am extremely happy and would not change much, and certainly would not trade him in for an "alpha". Ick.

He makes an average salary for this area, but it is enough. We both value time together and with our children, so I would not want him to kill himself working more than the 40 or so hours he typically puts in.

He's smart as hell, devoted, works hard, is great in bed (I did have to guide/teach him there, but he was very receptive). I consider myself to be pretty lucky.

[Anonymous]

There's very little correlation between alpha/beta status and financial success. Also, it has nothing to do with being Type A. Most lawyers that I know are definitely beta.

[Anonymous]

i didn't read all the responses, but i think my husband would probably be considered a 'beta.' he is good-looking but not gorgeous. average height, good shape from running often but not a bodybuilder, etc.

the thing that i think makes him 'beta' is his shyness. he doesn't have many friends and is a homebody. he prefers being in to being out. i'm more extroverted and am torn about this aspect of him - he rarely wants to do anything social, leaves it up to me to make all plans, people sometimes think he's rude, etc.

i used to date alphas - what my college friends and i called "men of the people." they made me insecure, and they cheated. my husband is a true partner - a great dad to our kids and more than pulls his weight at home. he does fine at work - not stellar or a superstar, but a good job in a competitive industry. he's good in bed and hilarious, especially to me and to his family.

is he perfect? no, but his loyalty, kindness, and devotion to our family make him preferable to my former "alphas" any day.

[Anonymous]

I think the attractiveness to alphas is mostly DUE to the fact that they tend to be less faithful, conferring a reproductive advantage to their genetic line (spreading their DNA far and wide).

It's the old Dads vs Cads dichotomy.

In modern times of birth control and morr hands-on rearing of fewer children, the cad advantage has diminished, but the attractiveness is still there.

[Anonymous]

The Men's Rights Activists like the phrase "alpha fucks, beta bucks." According to that adage, women like having sex with the "alphas" then enjoy the stability and resources of the "betas."

If a guy wants a long term relationship and doesn't much care about the sex, then beta is definitely a winning strategy. Those are the qualities that probably also make women happiest overall over the long term.

But to guys who worry about these things, a woman's general happiness and long term relationship stability without sex aren't the goals. Her sexual desire is the primary focus. "If I can get sex and her long term happiness, that's great. But, if I have to trade one or the other, I'm going to keep sex."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of off topic, but I found chasing success to be more like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, at a high cost of quality of life. People aren't ever on their death bed saying they wished they tried harder for a promotion.

Does it make people happy to live like that?

How much of your time do you spend budgeting, planning for retirement, wishing you could afford something? My lower income friend are preoccupied from time to time with what they should spend money on. Waste of time.

I don't stress about any of the above. I sometimes wish I had more money so I could take more vacations and weekends away, but I do that frequently already. I used to own my own business. I sold it. I have never looked back or regretted it. The stress from that was too much. I'm much happier now.

My wealthier friends and family members worry about money just as much as my poor friends do.

It seems the more money people make, the more money they have to spend. Or put another way, they spend what they make. You buy the bigger house with the bigger mortgage, you buy the boats, pay for ponies, pay for expensive private school etc.

And yes, in my experience, it's the alpha males that are more likely to overstretch themselves.. Maybe it's optimism in their ability to make money or pay off debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Men's Rights Activists like the phrase "alpha fucks, beta bucks." According to that adage, women like having sex with the "alphas" then enjoy the stability and resources of the "betas."

If a guy wants a long term relationship and doesn't much care about the sex, then beta is definitely a winning strategy. Those are the qualities that probably also make women happiest overall over the long term.

But to guys who worry about these things, a woman's general happiness and long term relationship stability without sex aren't the goals. Her sexual desire is the primary focus. "If I can get sex and her long term happiness, that's great. But, if I have to trade one or the other, I'm going to keep sex."

This is a thread about marriage. Where does that fit in to the alpha/beta dogma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Men's Rights Activists like the phrase "alpha fucks, beta bucks." According to that adage, women like having sex with the "alphas" then enjoy the stability and resources of the "betas."

If a guy wants a long term relationship and doesn't much care about the sex, then beta is definitely a winning strategy. Those are the qualities that probably also make women happiest overall over the long term.

But to guys who worry about these things, a woman's general happiness and long term relationship stability without sex aren't the goals. Her sexual desire is the primary focus. "If I can get sex and her long term happiness, that's great. But, if I have to trade one or the other, I'm going to keep sex."

This is a thread about marriage. Where does that fit in to the alpha/beta nonsense?

FIFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a human being who thinks of me like another human being and his equal. We're very happy!

Oh, nobody cares about all that! How is the sex? Is it good? Or are you a 50 Shades gal who, despite having a mind that likes the notion of equality, has a body that gets turned on by dominance?

Sex is great! And this might blow your mind but we both get turned on by dominance and submission. Turns out changing it up from time to time is the spice of life. If he threw me up against the wall every time we did it that would get pretty boring. So sometimes I push him onto the bed and climb on. Like almost all aspects of our life, sometimes he takes the lead and sometimes I do.