Did any of you women marry beta men? Are you happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Not happy.

He schlepped thru his career, switched careers and sort of hit restart when we got married - like started back at THE BOTTOM. We were mid-30s.

So now, 5 years later, he's working 70+ hours a week trying to get ahead with his career. Now, mid-life, he's doing what he should've been doing 15+ years ago. And it's killing our marriage. He's never home. Never helps with anything or does anything. I take the responsibility for all childcare, like drop offs, pick ups, dinners, lunches, hanging out, extracurriculars, etc.

I also pay the bills, clean the house, do all the shopping, all the yard work, car maintenance stuff. Really everything. Plus I work fulltime. Ok, sometimes he puts DD in the bath. And he drops her off at school once a week (not the pick up though). But that is IT. and I hate our marriage for it. I wish we never had kids at least. Then at least I could have some semblance of a life other than caretaking for DH and DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you not marry the alpha super driven provider type man? Is your husband a happy and low drive beta? Are you happy in your marriage?

I did. I'm very dominant and have a pretty fiery personality, so he complements me well. Been married 8 years, sex is still really fucking hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't but I think it does work for some couples. The wife has to be a beta as well though to tolerate a beta male song both are relatively unambitious, laid back, and easygoing, it works and I've seen it. It's when one has so much more drive, ambition, nerve, work ethic, etc. that the shortcomings of the other become problematic.

Most alpha men want an alpha female too.

lol no they do not. Did you read what the men said in the other thread about how to land an ambitious guy? They said they prefer supportive, complimentary wife.

[Anonymous]

For those women who say they are happiest in a long term relationship with guys who have the beta traits -- keep in mind that these concepts are usually directed a guys who want to have sex.

They don't really want to know what makes you happiest overall. They want to know what makes you want to have sex with them. With a lot of guys - if they have to choose between what makes you happy with them versus what makes you horny for them, they're going to pick horny every time.

A lot of this comes from the perception that women have sex with the asshole, then come to the nice guy for comfort. The nice guys want the sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't but I think it does work for some couples. The wife has to be a beta as well though to tolerate a beta male song both are relatively unambitious, laid back, and easygoing, it works and I've seen it. It's when one has so much more drive, ambition, nerve, work ethic, etc. that the shortcomings of the other become problematic.

Most alpha men want an alpha female too.

lol no they do not. Did you read what the men said in the other thread about how to land an ambitious guy? They said they prefer supportive, complimentary wife.

And as we've said in this thread, ambition doesn't always = alpha. An alpha man could handle an alpha woman. IF he were a real alpha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't but I think it does work for some couples. The wife has to be a beta as well though to tolerate a beta male song both are relatively unambitious, laid back, and easygoing, it works and I've seen it. It's when one has so much more drive, ambition, nerve, work ethic, etc. that the shortcomings of the other become problematic.

Most alpha men want an alpha female too.

lol no they do not. Did you read what the men said in the other thread about how to land an ambitious guy? They said they prefer supportive, complimentary wife.

And as we've said in this thread, ambition doesn't always = alpha. An alpha man could handle an alpha woman. IF he were a real alpha.

Handling it and wanting it are not the same thing. They WANT young, adoring, and compliant, and they also want variety and quantity. It's best not to be delusional about our strange world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those women who say they are happiest in a long term relationship with guys who have the beta traits -- keep in mind that these concepts are usually directed a guys who want to have sex.

They don't really want to know what makes you happiest overall. They want to know what makes you want to have sex with them. With a lot of guys - if they have to choose between what makes you happy with them versus what makes you horny for them, they're going to pick horny every time.

A lot of this comes from the perception that women have sex with the asshole, then come to the nice guy for comfort. The nice guys want the sex.

So the alpha/beta discussion doesn't apply to husbands? Philandering husbands?

[Anonymous]

Most alpha men seem to intensely dislike alpha women.

There's a lot of shades of gray here. A "beta" might be a wuss, or he might just be easy going and empathic, and therefore doesn't need to "dominate" people.

If you find that you constantly have to dominate others, you're probably doing life wrong.

[Anonymous]

I married a beta, and my happiness is mixed. Very happy that he can be counted on to leave work early or otherwise take time off for kid stuff. Along with being beta, however, comes not being a strong romantic or sexual partner. Day to day, it's pretty good. Makes me vulnerable to attention from alpha men, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you not marry the alpha super driven provider type man? Is your husband a happy and low drive beta? Are you happy in your marriage?

I married a laid back, nice, family man who strives to make my life easier anyway he can. He's shy and doesn't have many friends but once he comes out of his shell people find him relatable. He does dishes, laundry and vacuums and wakes up every morning and weekend with the kids. He would never use the word "babysitting" in regard to caring for his own children. He's not an alpha, however, he is a super-driven provider with a brilliant mind and he's killing it in his career. He just doesn't stomp on others to accomplish his own success. I'm classic alpha and have dated many alphas throughout my life. I always thought I'd marry a selfish pos "powerful" alpha who treated me like crap but then I found my husband and I knew he was it. I never thought I'd be this happy in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of off topic, but I found chasing success to be more like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, at a high cost of quality of life. People aren't ever on their death bed saying they wished they tried harder for a promotion.

Does it make people happy to live like that?

How much of your time do you spend budgeting, planning for retirement, wishing you could afford something? My lower income friend are preoccupied from time to time with what they should spend money on. Waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a beta, and my happiness is mixed. Very happy that he can be counted on to leave work early or otherwise take time off for kid stuff. Along with being beta, however, comes not being a strong romantic or sexual partner. Day to day, it's pretty good. Makes me vulnerable to attention from alpha men, though.

Don't feel too badly about it - if you had married an alpha one, you'd feel ignored, and you'd be vulnerable to attention from beta men.

Whoever said life was a fairy tale lied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Not happy.

He schlepped thru his career, switched careers and sort of hit restart when we got married - like started back at THE BOTTOM. We were mid-30s.

So now, 5 years later, he's working 70+ hours a week trying to get ahead with his career. Now, mid-life, he's doing what he should've been doing 15+ years ago. And it's killing our marriage. He's never home. Never helps with anything or does anything. I take the responsibility for all childcare, like drop offs, pick ups, dinners, lunches, hanging out, extracurriculars, etc.

I also pay the bills, clean the house, do all the shopping, all the yard work, car maintenance stuff. Really everything. Plus I work fulltime. Ok, sometimes he puts DD in the bath. And he drops her off at school once a week (not the pick up though). But that is IT. and I hate our marriage for it. I wish we never had kids at least. Then at least I could have some semblance of a life other than caretaking for DH and DD.

Same boat here. Sucks doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you not marry the alpha super driven provider type man? Is your husband a happy and low drive beta? Are you happy in your marriage?

I married a laid back, nice, family man who strives to make my life easier anyway he can. He's shy and doesn't have many friends but once he comes out of his shell people find him relatable. He does dishes, laundry and vacuums and wakes up every morning and weekend with the kids. He would never use the word "babysitting" in regard to caring for his own children. He's not an alpha, however, he is a super-driven provider with a brilliant mind and he's killing it in his career. He just doesn't stomp on others to accomplish his own success. I'm classic alpha and have dated many alphas throughout my life. I always thought I'd marry a selfish pos "powerful" alpha who treated me like crap but then I found my husband and I knew he was it. I never thought I'd be this happy in life.

How is your sexual attraction toward him? As strong as it was toward the less-caring guys you dated?

[Anonymous]

Many women lose their attraction to their husbands in long term relationships regardless of whether they married alphas or betas. Biggest difference is the alpha men have many more options for extra-marital sex when their wives no longer prioritize sex. Which is why I think women are better off with betas if they value fidelity.