Help me convince DH that this is the fairest way to settle Christmas issues...

[Anonymous]

Once again the real issue is that the OP has a very weak husband who simply can't stand up to his parents' unreasonable expectations.

OP, you have a bunch of little kids.

The default should be you and your family, including the kids, stay at your home, for christmas, EVERY year. You can invite whoever you want, or not.

No stipulations.

No trade offs.

Your husband isn't a little child who needs to see mommy and daddy on christmas.

If they want to visit you, and you want them to visit you, fine--on a year by year ad hoc basis.

As long as they behave themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once again the real issue is that the OP has a very weak husband who simply can't stand up to his parents' unreasonable expectations.

OP, you have a bunch of little kids.

The default should be you and your family, including the kids, stay at your home, for christmas, EVERY year. You can invite whoever you want, or not.

No stipulations.

No trade offs.

Your husband isn't a little child who needs to see mommy and daddy on christmas.

If they want to visit you, and you want them to visit you, fine--on a year by year ad hoc basis.

As long as they behave themselves.

This. What the hell is with so-called adults who want their own childhood Christmas 2.0?

If you have fond memories of Christmas morning at home that is because your parents started their own Christmas traditions when they had you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This. What the hell is with so-called adults who want their own childhood Christmas 2.0?

If you have fond memories of Christmas morning at home that is because your parents started their own Christmas traditions when they had you.

I have fond Christmas memories because there are lots of ways to have a good Christmas.

There are also lots of ways to have a good marriage, none of which involve refusing to compromise on something that's important to both of you.

I understand why OP wants what she wants. If her DH wanted the same thing, I'd think that was great. But when she says it has to be her way AND that her husband needs to see it as "the fairest," there's a problem, and it's not the DH.

[Anonymous]

OP The wonderful babyish years with the children belong to you. All that travelling with the very young kids makes for much too much stress. Enjoy your DCs while they are young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The problem is that DH doesn't necessarily want to stay at home for Christmases. This year, yes, due to the pregnancy, but his feeling is that if his parents refuse to come up for Christmas, we should travel to them. I feel very strongly about staying put for a few years to make memories in our house. His parents (and brother, who is traveling down there for Christmas this year rather than staying up here) just don't want to change up their tradition either.

He is not the one who is pregnant! Once he experiences the joy of Christmas at home he will feel differently. Your families are quilting you to make you plan so far in advance and march to the every other year into infinity ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not miss holiday drama at all.

No one will be happy. It ruins everything.

How did you eliminate it? Inquiring minds to know.

This is how: We used to travel to my parents every Thanksgiving -- about 5 hours. One Thanksgiving, when the DCs were about 2, and 3 years old, we got caught in a monster traffic jam outside of Fredericksburg. The children were screaming/ crying with exhaustion. We pulled off at a rest stop and the children would.not.stop.screaming. A thoughtful motorist called the police thinking that they were being abused. We left the rest area and checked into a local hotel and spent the night, returning in the morning. That was it for us. (Of course the children are not being abused) In college now.

[Anonymous]

^^ Its been peace ever since

[Anonymous]

Op- we have no family who lives here. This is what we do. We do not travel for Xmas period. People are welcome to visit us if they want but we do Xmas at our house. We travel every year for thanksgiving. It's not ideal but we do both my family as dh family (so there's flying and driving involved) but then we're done for the year. We are all happy in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again the real issue is that the OP has a very weak husband who simply can't stand up to his parents' unreasonable expectations.

OP, you have a bunch of little kids.

The default should be you and your family, including the kids, stay at your home, for christmas, EVERY year. You can invite whoever you want, or not.

No stipulations.

No trade offs.

Your husband isn't a little child who needs to see mommy and daddy on christmas.

If they want to visit you, and you want them to visit you, fine--on a year by year ad hoc basis.

As long as they behave themselves.

This. What the hell is with so-called adults who want their own childhood Christmas 2.0?

If you have fond memories of Christmas morning at home that is because your parents started their own Christmas traditions when they had you.

This is so true. I'm amazed at the contorted travel plans on Christmas day that I hear about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The problem is that DH doesn't necessarily want to stay at home for Christmases. This year, yes, due to the pregnancy, but his feeling is that if his parents refuse to come up for Christmas, we should travel to them. I feel very strongly about staying put for a few years to make memories in our house. His parents (and brother, who is traveling down there for Christmas this year rather than staying up here) just don't want to change up their tradition either.

He is not the one who is pregnant! Once he experiences the joy of Christmas at home he will feel differently. Your families are quilting you to make you plan so far in advance and march to the every other year into infinity ...

Op's husband is the baby here. He needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Stop keeping score - it's petty.
Worry about this Christmas and sort next years out next year. A lot can happen or change in a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He is not the one who is pregnant! Once he experiences the joy of Christmas at home he will feel differently. Your families are quilting you to make you plan so far in advance and march to the every other year into infinity ...

And if he doesn't?

[Anonymous]

I agree with your DH. If you spend this year with your parents, not a problem. Next year you travel or his parents agree to do Christmas in your house.

[Anonymous]

Traveling on the holidays--Christmas or Thanksgiving--absolutely SUCKS.

There is absolutely no "obligation" upon the OP (or her husband), pregnant, with little kids, to travel to visit the in-laws for the holidays.

This tit for tat crap so that the in laws feel "even" with OP's parents (who live nearby) is utter juvenile nonsense. I realize the exactly same dynamic plays out in many families, but it's still absolute nonsense.

In laws can hop a plane and stay at a local motel if they want to see the kiddies so badly.

This is all a power trip and the evidence is when they tried to impose conditions on the OP.

OP, stick to your guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your DH. If you spend this year with your parents, not a problem. Next year you travel or his parents agree to do Christmas in your house.

It's not that OP wants to spend it with her parents, it's simply that she doesn't have to travel 8 hours to share it with them, because they live much closer.

What is this "next year you travel" nonsense?

Why should she travel ANY year on the holidays when she has small children?

Who exactly made up these "rules"? They're nonsensical. It's selfish granparents that is the problem.

His parents can do whatever they want, but they have no right to "order" OP at their beck and call. They can get on a plane and visit, staying at a motel, if they want to visit on the holidays. If they don't, they don't have to.