Help me convince DH that this is the fairest way to settle Christmas issues...
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Anonymous
| Also, the stipulation is dumb. No one has any clue what next year will look like and whether travel will be feasible for OP and her family, so there shouldn't be any promises made this year that the in-laws might unreasonably try to hold them to next year. |
Anonymous
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How do you handle Thanksgiving? Could you go visit them for Thanksgiving next year, while you're getting back in the swing of alternating years? They'll see you, on their turf, but you'll still get Christmas with your family on "their" traditional year?
If our experience is anything to go by, traveling for holidays just becomes more complicated. The easy every-other-year and you-always-travel goes out the window. Grandparents who can travel might be called upon to do so. That's where we are. Our kids have obligations and friends and while they want to spend time with their grandparents, they're happy to do it over the summer. Grandparents come to us for the holidays now. |
Anonymous
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I don't think you have to decide right now.
You say your parents are local...any reason you can't invite everybody next year? I do agree that if you have a pattern going where all of your siblings manage to get together on alternate years, that should be a priority. You can't get out of sync with that. Frankly, it was generous of you to offer to host your ILs. Not your fault they are choosing not to come. I think the larger point is that you and DH need to figure out the whole staying at your home for Christmas vs traveling part. DH may want to see extended family near his parents and just feel that there is an imbalance since they are further away. Of course, you could have Christmas at your house and head their way the 26th some years as an option. |
Anonymous
| Oh, and I missed this: Your ILs don't get to "stipulate" anything! For heaven's sakes! Don't agree to anything now and tell them you love them but you are not committing to anything right now. Sheesh. |
Anonymous
| Time for a new tradition. Kids and Santa is too confusing. Worry about next year next December. Personally, I would insist on Christmas morning in my own home and travel to in laws and your parents on the 26th. Good luck. |
Anonymous
+1 to this Christmas is a whole frigging season, not just a day. |
Anonymous
| We stopped traveling for Christmas once we had kids. Too much drama. |
Anonymous
| No way would I be packing up 3 kids under 6 and traveling for Christmas. I think your IL's and your dh are insane. |
Anonymous
+100 we stopped traveling for Xmas day when we had kids. We go to my ILs for New Years (they are 3 hrs away) and my parents come to see us every other year ( they are in CA) and are with my sister in alternate years. Sucks that I don't see my sister at Xmas but she can't travel then. I see her in the summer. We cope because everyone is reasonable adults. |
Anonymous
Same here. Time to make your own holiday traditions. And, no to the stipulations. |
Anonymous
Us too. Everyone is welcome to join us at our home, but Christmas Eve and morning are spent at our home. We are happy to travel before or after. |
Anonymous
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I think you are being fair.
Life happens and being in a third trimester and having kids means traditions can change and adapt. IL need to change and adapt. |
Anonymous
| Just because your husband grew up traveling all time doesnt mean you want to schlep your 3 kids all over every year. There was nothing better than watching my little ones run down the steps to see what Santa left them. My folks came to my house before dawn if they wanted to see them. You have to make your own memories. |
Anonymous
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This year stay home. No stipulations about future years.
You're going to have three young kiddos. Next year, besides the fact that your siblings in town, I could see not wanting to pack up all those kids for a 6.5 hour (!!) drive. Everything doesn't always have to be fair. Just stay home this year and say you'll figure out future years as they come. |
Anonymous
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The making memories thing is fine but all your kids are young and are not going to remember this Xmas or next. If you want to stay home every year to make the memories then that is a discussion with your husband.
If you want to do Xmas with your parents next year because your siblings sync up then I agree with you. If not, then go see his parents next year. I always think it is so weird when adults with families have to go home for Xmas. I mean I know it is fun to be with family but when you need to start hiding presents for three kids in the car, it is a little ridiculous. |