My SD just got engaged

[Anonymous]

OP - Your SD is an adult. The only thing you can do is offer your love and support. It's not the end of the world. Our oldest two graduated from college and got jobs before they even considered getting married. The oldest (27) is now married. The second is not. Our third joined the military and eloped at 19. They have been married four years and are both out of the military and in college now.

My point is that we don't get to choose our children's paths. We offer advise when asked. We provide unconditional love and support. Then, we let them go affirming they will find their own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are concerned about all the wrong things OP. I was 32 when I got married and didn't know how to cook or sew or do any domestic duties really. I worked all day, got my clothes dry cleaned, and ate out every night and you know what? I did that for the first years of my marriage too until I had kids. The issues with your SD is she hasn't had a chance to live HER life. Thats the tragedy not that she didn't get enough home economics in school.

Agree. People change so much in their 20s. It's a big mistake for her to get married now because there is a much better chance she will end up divorced. Who cares if she can sew and cook? Maybe her fiance knows how to do that anyway. FWIW, my dh does all the cooking.

[Anonymous]

Statistically, they are at risk for divorce because they are engaged before age 19 (one of the main predictors).

BUT. Being an outlier is not a guarantee of failure. The DCUM crowd operates under an assumption of wealth and education as the foundation for a happy and successful life, but they're not. Planning life as "us" and having each other's backs (including an understanding of fairness in even difficult interactions) is the best start.

I'm in my 40s and went to high school with 5 people who left before graduation (some by choice, some because of surprise pregnancies) to pursue marriage and parenthood. Four of those couples are still happily married and have grandkids the same age as my kindergarten daughter. I know of several more couples my age who married immediately out of HS and are still happy and together. Some went to college, some didn't.

Knowing themselves and each other well and - yes - knowing how to take care of their home together, from finances to everyday maintenance will go a LONG way to making everyday life pleasant and manageable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her how to fight fair. Teach her how to compromise. Teach her how to balance a checkbook and build a budget.

Talk about how challenging marriage is - not because you have to cook, but because navigating life is hard, even with someone you love.

Cooking, cleaning and sewing are learned skills and are FAR FAR FAR less important than emotional intelligence and maturity.

I would prioritize things differently in terms of how you can help best prepare these kids for marriage.

People still write checks?