My SD just got engaged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is not the schools job. That is the job of her parents who failed her.

+1 was coming in here to say this. If she can't navigate what she'll face when she moves into her own home - married or no - that's your husband and her mother's fault. It's not the school's job to teach young people how to Adult. School is for preparing you to go to college or enter the workforce. Everything else is a parents job. The whole point of raising a child is giving them the tools to navigate life successfully. Maybe you should take this failure up with your husband. Or you could use it as a bonding activity:

"My mother always said a woman should be able to do X, Y, & Z when she was married. I'm so happy for you now that your marriage is approaching and if you're at all interested in learning them, I'd love to pass on some of these skills to you."

If she says yes, there you go. If she say's no thank you, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shouldn't you be more concerned about her not living her life, not going to college or starting a career rather than her cooking skills? (I assume she is not college bound if she wants to get married now.)

THIS!

She can learn needlework later from Youtube. She needs to get a degree to earn the $$ to buy a house NOW!

[Anonymous]

She should have been raised by the Duggars. They are adept at home economics.

Your SD is too young to get engaged or married. At this point, you cannot change her mind. All you have to do it emphasize to them that they cannot have children. And do not tell them that they are not responsible or mature enough for that, because that will backfire. Tell them that having babies will mess up their sex life completely - maybe something will sink in.

[Anonymous]

Does her fiancé know how to cook? Or budget? Or sew a button?

I haven't read this entire thread, but the OP was pretty sexist, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

March her to th GYN and get her an IUD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't, don't means won't.

Hopefully she and her soon to be husband will make enough money to outsource housework and child care like the ones posting here do. Or they can live in filth, wear wrinkled dirty clothes, eat out or buy microwaved dinners. It's not your job to teach her anything. Just don't visit them.

I've been through 4 dirty helpless DILs. Both sons hit the jackpot with their 3rd.

You have two sons that are thrice married and you're patting yourself on the back? You may want to take a look in the mirror

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just shaking my head. She's 18 and I love her dearly. Her finance is 18 also and is a nice man. I'm happy that they have found each other and wish them a successful marriage and a life time of happiness. As far as I know, she is not pregnant. Now for my head shaking.....

She does not how to cook. She doesn't understand that you can throw biodegradable food away in the bedroom trashcan because it doesn't get emptied enough. She does know how to work the laundry machine but she doesn't know how to sew a button. She doesn't understand budgeting and finances and due dates for bills. Now, she can set up the blue ray player, you tube, and netflix much faster than I can.

It made me realize that our schools are doing a great job of preparing college bound kids and STEM kids but for they no longer offer the traditional home ec skills.

How is she going to manage of household? Yes, I know she will learn. We all do. She only recently moved in with us so I haven't had an opportunity to teach her all of the daily life management skills that she is going to need. It dawned on me this morning that I really have a lot of work ahead of me in the next few months.

I'll bet she knows how to drink, spend money, and fuck. Do you actually think an 18 year old boy (not really a man) who is stupid enough to get married to her cares about anything else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are concerned about all the wrong things OP. I was 32 when I got married and didn't know how to cook or sew or do any domestic duties really. I worked all day, got my clothes dry cleaned, and ate out every night and you know what? I did that for the first years of my marriage too until I had kids. The issues with your SD is she hasn't had a chance to live HER life. Thats the tragedy not that she didn't get enough home economics in school.

How in the world did you get by without any basic skills until 32?

[Anonymous]

Kids with learning disabilities grow up to be adults with learning disabilities. For my young adult with LD, the organization of doing laundry, dishes, keeping track of bills and appointments, etc, has just proven overwhelming. I was shocked to find out that even with a college degree, my young adult cannot manage his own apartment.
And kids with LDs don't just "pick it up" from being around the family and helping with various tasks.
Good luck to her - I hope she is receptive to your help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are concerned about all the wrong things OP. I was 32 when I got married and didn't know how to cook or sew or do any domestic duties really. I worked all day, got my clothes dry cleaned, and ate out every night and you know what? I did that for the first years of my marriage too until I had kids. The issues with your SD is she hasn't had a chance to live HER life. Thats the tragedy not that she didn't get enough home economics in school.

How in the world did you get by without any basic skills until 32?

Daddy's AmEx.

[Anonymous]

As you know, she's way too young to get married, but there's really nothing you can or should do to stop it. At least it sounds like her future husband is responsible. It's not your job to teach your SD how to get through life, but if you are kind enough to do so then it has to be with love, not judgement. She'll learn. You know, I had forgotten all about home ec, and it sounds downright quaint now, but it really did teach basic skills that we all should have (including men).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know how to sew on a button, but even if I didn't, and even if I couldn't afford to hire someone to do it for me, I am pretty sure I could figure it out. It's not rocket science.

No it's not rocket science, but it does require fine motor skills and a lot of practice to do it well, that is, to look neat and seamless with the clothing. Then you can rely on muscle memory to do it well and efficiently. It is best to start teaching at seven or eight, which I really doubt anyone is doing these days given the crush of homework, sports activities, etc that kids have these days.

I am amazed at the number of people saying that it's not the school's job if only because home ec was a mainstay of American education for many decades. It has been displaced with things like sex ed and driver's ed. There was a time when people would have been horrified at thought that those things were the school's job, even when they thought teaching basic life skills in home ec and shop were.

[Anonymous]

All of the things you need to know to be a successful, independent adult, you can learn along side your spouse. The fact that she doesn't have experience paying rent yet doesn't mean she will fail at it just because her first time doing it will be a shared, jointed responsibility.

What she needs are relationship skills, which you haven't commented on. If she's 18, comes from a divorced family, and recently shifted households, then maybe she's looking for something to latch onto for stability. If that's her reason for getting married, that's not ideal. If, on the other hand, she sees what a mess her family is and is eager to start her own - then maybe it'll work out for her. My cousin rushed through HS in 3 years, rushed through college in 3, got married at 21 - all in an effort get herself established and away from her crazy, chaotic family. 12 years later, she's done well and has a relatively happy family. That's the exception and not the norm of course, but depending on motivates and skills, getting married young isn't always a disaster.

[Anonymous]

College college college. Who cares about buttons and cooking.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is marrying to get out of the house.

I would be worrying a lot more about how she will support herself then if she can sew a button. Seriously, button sewing?