My SD just got engaged

[Anonymous]

I'm just shaking my head. She's 18 and I love her dearly. Her finance is 18 also and is a nice man. I'm happy that they have found each other and wish them a successful marriage and a life time of happiness. As far as I know, she is not pregnant. Now for my head shaking.....

She does not how to cook. She doesn't understand that you can throw biodegradable food away in the bedroom trashcan because it doesn't get emptied enough. She does know how to work the laundry machine but she doesn't know how to sew a button. She doesn't understand budgeting and finances and due dates for bills. Now, she can set up the blue ray player, you tube, and netflix much faster than I can.

It made me realize that our schools are doing a great job of preparing college bound kids and STEM kids but for they no longer offer the traditional home ec skills.

How is she going to manage of household? Yes, I know she will learn. We all do. She only recently moved in with us so I haven't had an opportunity to teach her all of the daily life management skills that she is going to need. It dawned on me this morning that I really have a lot of work ahead of me in the next few months.

[Anonymous]

Why is an 18 year old thinking of marriage?

Where is your husband in this?

[Anonymous]

Lady, your 18 year old stepchild just got engaged and what concerns you is that she can't sew a button?

You have some weird, weird priorities.

[Anonymous]

You are concerned about all the wrong things OP. I was 32 when I got married and didn't know how to cook or sew or do any domestic duties really. I worked all day, got my clothes dry cleaned, and ate out every night and you know what? I did that for the first years of my marriage too until I had kids. The issues with your SD is she hasn't had a chance to live HER life. Thats the tragedy not that she didn't get enough home economics in school.

[Anonymous]

"Traditional home ec skills?"

Do you think if she knows how to make a casserole, this marriage will be successful???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just shaking my head. She's 18 and I love her dearly. Her finance is 18 also and is a nice man. I'm happy that they have found each other and wish them a successful marriage and a life time of happiness. As far as I know, she is not pregnant. Now for my head shaking.....

She does not how to cook. She doesn't understand that you can throw biodegradable food away in the bedroom trashcan because it doesn't get emptied enough. She does know how to work the laundry machine but she doesn't know how to sew a button. She doesn't understand budgeting and finances and due dates for bills. Now, she can set up the blue ray player, you tube, and netflix much faster than I can.

It made me realize that our schools are doing a great job of preparing college bound kids and STEM kids but for they no longer offer the traditional home ec skills.

How is she going to manage of household? Yes, I know she will learn. We all do. She only recently moved in with us so I haven't had an opportunity to teach her all of the daily life management skills that she is going to need. It dawned on me this morning that I really have a lot of work ahead of me in the next few months.

OP, I'm sympathetic. I worked my way through school and then law school, then was a professional for a long time. It really hit me when I became a mom. The cooking is the hardest. You can figure out laundry, or one lesson will help. But the cooking…I'm 50 now with a couple of tween/teens and I still struggle with it. When I cook, I need to concentrate--it's like a teenager learning to drive, all frontal-lobe activity. And the buying in advance, and storing, and not having things go bad because you bought too much…concentrate on cooking, OP

And tell her about the lint catcher in the dryer. Some people never learn about that and just let it accumulate.

[Anonymous]

OP you are kind of strange.

Do you work? How long have you been married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is an 18 year old thinking of marriage?

Where is your husband in this?

I suppose for the same reason that any of us think of marriage. DH is on the head shaking plan with me but realizes that she is an adult and can legally make her own decisions.

Anonymous wrote:Lady, your 18 year old stepchild just got engaged and what concerns you is that she can't sew a button?

You have some weird, weird priorities.

I can appreciate your perspective. But she is 18. As the step mom of a legal adult, I have very little say in this matter. It's going to happen whether DH and I agree, support, or want this to occur. We can either embrace it and help them learn to manage life or it will happen and we can let them falter.

Anonymous wrote:You are concerned about all the wrong things OP. I was 32 when I got married and didn't know how to cook or sew or do any domestic duties really. I worked all day, got my clothes dry cleaned, and ate out every night and you know what? I did that for the first years of my marriage too until I had kids. The issues with your SD is she hasn't had a chance to live HER life. Thats the tragedy not that she didn't get enough home economics in school.

Yes you are correct. She hasn't had a chance to live her life. So how do you tell an 18 yr old that she needs to live her life before settling down into marriage? Or I suppose the better question is how do you convince an 18 yr old that she needs to live her life first?

[Anonymous]

This is a weird post. It's as if this 18 year old will be placed in a dream house with all sleek new appliances, but will lack the training to use them -- darn that school! She won't know how to use her beautiful Le Creuset cookware!

OP, these kids will be living in a dump and eating Ramen Noodles or Burger King.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are kind of strange.

Do you work? How long have you been married?

OP here....please elaborate on why you think I'm strange.

Yes, I work full time. I have been married to DH for 10 years.

[Anonymous]

I'm 27 and don't know how to sew - yikes! I must be a failure if 18 year olds should know how

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a weird post. It's as if this 18 year old will be placed in a dream house with all sleek new appliances, but will lack the training to use them -- darn that school! She won't know how to use her beautiful Le Creuset cookware!

OP, these kids will be living in a dump and eating Ramen Noodles or Burger King.

I assume that they will get an apartment. Probably a dump like you said. But the apartment will have a kitchen. Where they can store normal pots and pans that they will receive as wedding gifts. I don't think she knows about Le Creuset. I would assume some nights they would cook dinner. Or at least she will try to prepare a meal for the 2 of them.

[Anonymous]

You can't change her mind. Your job as SM is to support, support, support. You can see if they are wiling to postpone until after college. But if she doens't want to, then this is one of those areas that she just has to go through it and learn from her mistakes.

[Anonymous]

She will get a cookbook and learn like the rest of us who didn't get taught at school or by parents. I still can't see a button and have made it married for a dozen years so far.

[Anonymous]

Sew not see.