How are you not overwhelmed with fear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear your fear and share your concerns about our gun culture in America. But I think your paralyzing anxiety is something you should talk to a professional about. Gun violence, kidnappings, molestations, etc do happen, but statistically they are rare-- or rather, the chances your child will be harmed are relatively rare if you take reasonable precautions, like asking if there are guns in the house before accepting a playdate, etc. There is some percentage where we cant do anything as these things are random, but we should use our concern to drive changes like sensible gun laws. Look up Every Town for Gun Safety and add your voice to the growing chorus. I will say, I agree that red states have a troubling gun (and redneck) culture, but I live in DC, and heard my daughter who was then in preschool discuss guns with a friend. That friend claimed there was a gun under the kitchen sink at her house because an older brother's friend had brought it. The mom at least cleared the house and called the police. That houshold has a single mom and several children by several dads. Poor parenting abounds--it is not just limited to red states.

Owning a gun is poor parenting?

Not that poster but yes owning a gun is poor parenting because it triples the risk of exposure to suicide or murder. Believe Fox News? Look what they say:

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/01/21/gun-ownership-tied-to-three-fold-increase-in-suicide-risk/

Wait, because I don't think guns are evil, I must watch Fox News? Um, ok.

No one thinks guns are evil, PP. If even Fox news agrees with the statistics on the risks of owning guns, then you should pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear your fear and share your concerns about our gun culture in America. But I think your paralyzing anxiety is something you should talk to a professional about. Gun violence, kidnappings, molestations, etc do happen, but statistically they are rare-- or rather, the chances your child will be harmed are relatively rare if you take reasonable precautions, like asking if there are guns in the house before accepting a playdate, etc. There is some percentage where we cant do anything as these things are random, but we should use our concern to drive changes like sensible gun laws. Look up Every Town for Gun Safety and add your voice to the growing chorus. I will say, I agree that red states have a troubling gun (and redneck) culture, but I live in DC, and heard my daughter who was then in preschool discuss guns with a friend. That friend claimed there was a gun under the kitchen sink at her house because an older brother's friend had brought it. The mom at least cleared the house and called the police. That houshold has a single mom and several children by several dads. Poor parenting abounds--it is not just limited to red states.

Owning a gun is poor parenting?

Not that poster but yes owning a gun is poor parenting because it triples the risk of exposure to suicide or murder. Believe Fox News? Look what they say:

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/01/21/gun-ownership-tied-to-three-fold-increase-in-suicide-risk/

Wait, because I don't think guns are evil, I must watch Fox News? Um, ok.

No one thinks guns are evil, PP. If even Fox news agrees with the statistics on the risks of owning guns, then you should pay attention.

I don't own a gun. I'm just pointing out that PP was intentionally being offensive by accusing me of watching Fox News.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

That so many think I'm in need of therapy/medication, I'm not surprised. This is DCUM. Slam first, then empathy.

For those who think I don't have a grasp on basic statistics....I have a graduate degree in what i'll call here 'applied sciences', and I do statistical analyses daily. I'm well aware of probabilities, thank you. Point is, you can intellectually understand your own probability of experiencing some event but still have fears/anxiety about it. That is what makes it anxiety.

No, I'm not from Bethesda/CC. I'm also not white, and grew up 'working class'. Our high school had many gangs. Please don't assume that only liberal, wealthy people have these fears or worries. Any thinking parent worries about the safety of their children.

My title to this thread is hyperbolic, in retrospect. I'm not paralyzed. I go to work, take care of my kids, exercise, cook, have an active social life (we know our neighbors WAY better than we ever did in DC, which is a very good thing), etc. We don't hide out in our home. But I frequently worry when I drop them off at school now.

And for the responsible gun owner who wondered why I would worry about a playdate at a gunowner's house - I don't know why my position is so extreme. I like to mitigate risk. That's why I put a helmet on my kid's head when she gets on her bike, don't drive without a seatbelt on, taught the kids how to swim when they were 3, don't allow playdates with people I don't know extremely well, bought a nanny cam, avoid driving when we can walk (during the day), get annual physical exams, make sure my spouse and I exercise 5x/week, and buy organic produce (despite some weak evidence as to purported health benefits). The only people who drive my kids around are my parents, husband, and me. We don't drink around the kids - we have a glass of wine after they are asleep. Point is, we are people who are careful and mitigate risk where we can.

So if you have a gun in your home, no matter how many precautions you have in place, the risk of gun violence is still higher than in my own home, where we have no gun. So my kids just don't belong in your home, plain and simple. This is something I can do, and fully in my control, while countless other things are not in this world.

As for how I am going to send them to college with such anxiety - I'll worry then too. My own mother made me take a self defense course and carry pepper spray before I went to college, and I'm very glad she did. I'll do the same, and if things are similar (re:school shootings) in 15 years, well you better believe I'll encourage them to do higher education in another country.

For those who understand where I'm coming from on this, thank you. I appreciate your suggestions and I did actually join a group yesterday in our area. I also prayed this morning at drop off and that helped too - thanks to whomever suggested that.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. I often have a lot of worries about shootings. Didn't help that I was near one in DC and put on lock down. Now I get jittery very easily. I think we have to just breathe deeply and try to focus on the positive, in addition to supporting gun control legislation.

[Anonymous]

By having a realistic view of what I can and cannot control and a realistic view of the chances of something of that scale happening in my personal life.

[Anonymous]

I felt this way for a few days after that home invasion in DC where the family was tortured and killed, and I couldn't get it off my mind. Then I used my brain and analyzed the extremely low probability of anything like that happening to my family. The same goes for school shootings. Yes, it is shocking and horrible when they happen. But the chance of it happening to my child is extremely low. I focus instead on things that will actually make a difference in their safety -- teaching them to look both ways when they cross the street, how to deal with strangers, how to swim, etc. But mostly I don't live my life in fear. What's the point of that?

[Anonymous]

Our neighborhood is close to both a police station with a helicopter and a hospital that people get flown to, so we heave helicopters above us frequently. Anyway, one day a couple years ago, I was working at my kitchen table and heard a helicopter circling overhead and then started heRing sirens. I took off running towards the school right down the street, as I was positive there had been an incident, and dammit, I was going to find my kid and get her out of harm's way!

The incident turned out to be a teacher had been hit in the parking lot, but I apparently will run towards danger for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with suggesting therapy, OP, especially because you claimed to be paralyzed by this fear. Dont go posting on DCUM seeking advice and support and then trifle with people who are trying to help you and empathize. Hopefully you're going to support Brady camapign and Every Town, but praying is not going to help this epidemic (though it may calm your fears, irrationally).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am more worried about molesters than a mass shooting. But paralyzed with fear? You are going to have a hard road to college with that approach.

Me too. I could have written a similar post as OP but with molestation as the subject instead of school shootings.

Yes me as well. I just made the mistake of watching an episode of SVU where little boys were molested by their piano teacher. It made me so sick to my stomach thinking about that happening to my child, or any other.
I would think the odds of your kids being in the company of pedophiles is a lot more likely that being involved in a mass shooting. Sorry if this makes you worry even more.

[dancingsunflowers06]

I haven't read through all the posts, but I just wanted to say that it is perfectly relevant to have these worries. It helps me to pray for my kids when they are at school and know that I can't control everything. I also equip them to be aware of strangers and their intentions. Hope you are able to find a way to let some of your worries go...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

That so many think I'm in need of therapy/medication, I'm not surprised. This is DCUM. Slam first, then empathy.

For those who think I don't have a grasp on basic statistics....I have a graduate degree in what i'll call here 'applied sciences', and I do statistical analyses daily. I'm well aware of probabilities, thank you. Point is, you can intellectually understand your own probability of experiencing some event but still have fears/anxiety about it. That is what makes it anxiety.
....

Any thinking parent worries about the safety of their children.

My title to this thread is hyperbolic, in retrospect. I'm not paralyzed. I go to work, take care of my kids, exercise, cook, have an active social life (we know our neighbors WAY better than we ever did in DC, which is a very good thing), etc. We don't hide out in our home. But I frequently worry when I drop them off at school now.

And for the responsible gun owner who wondered why I would worry about a playdate at a gunowner's house - I don't know why my position is so extreme. I like to mitigate risk. That's why I put a helmet on my kid's head when she gets on her bike, don't drive without a seatbelt on, taught the kids how to swim when they were 3, don't allow playdates with people I don't know extremely well, bought a nanny cam, avoid driving when we can walk (during the day), get annual physical exams, make sure my spouse and I exercise 5x/week, and buy organic produce (despite some weak evidence as to purported health benefits). The only people who drive my kids around are my parents, husband, and me. We don't drink around the kids - we have a glass of wine after they are asleep. Point is, we are people who are careful and mitigate risk where we can.

So if you have a gun in your home, no matter how many precautions you have in place, the risk of gun violence is still higher than in my own home, where we have no gun. So my kids just don't belong in your home, plain and simple. This is something I can do, and fully in my control, while countless other things are not in this world.

As for how I am going to send them to college with such anxiety - I'll worry then too. My own mother made me take a self defense course and carry pepper spray before I went to college, and I'm very glad she did. I'll do the same, and if things are similar (re:school shootings) in 15 years, well you better believe I'll encourage them to do higher education in another country.

For those who understand where I'm coming from on this, thank you. I appreciate your suggestions and I did actually join a group yesterday in our area. I also prayed this morning at drop off and that helped too - thanks to whomever suggested that.

There's a difference between being cautious, risk-averse people -- doing things like you mention initially such as driving with a seatbelt, teaching kids to swim early, etc. -- and having an anxiety problem and/or just being a little ridiculous -- like not having a glass of wine in front of your children? recommending going to school in another country? being scared every single day you drop them off? I do think that needs help. You are going to strangle your children's enjoyment from life if not your own as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are being assholes. Cut OP some slack.
OP, I'm probably more angry than scared at this point. Angry that our government is completely ineffective at solving this problem.

Assholes? No, more like realists.

And stop expecting the government to solve your problems for you. That would be a huge step in your anger.

It's the government's job to solve problems like gun violence. What would you suggest? That she individually solve "her" problem of mass shootings by single handedly decreeing and enforcing gun control?

[Anonymous]

Listen, you never know what is going to happen. You can be super risk averse and then get plowed over by a car at a bus stop. (it happens). YOU NEVER KNOW

We just heard of someone whose 3 yr old daughter fell at school and hit her head on concrete and is in a coma. YOU NEVER KNOW!

What about the mom whose house was slammed into by an AIRPLANE last year in gaithersburg and she and her two sons perished? YOU NEVER KNOW

Or the couple that ran out the house from Columbia to run an errand and were both killed in a car crash while their kids were at home with grandma. YOU NEVER KNOW.

Or the case in the news today about the kindergartner abducted by her teacher in Philly and molested overnight - YOU NEVER KNOW

BUT you can't live in fear, and I think OP if you are constantly anxious you may want to consider speaking with someone about it. There are generalized anxiety disorders (not saying that is what you have) but it sounds like instead of talking to DCUM about it, perhaps a professional might be your best course of action.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I get that 'you never know' - that ultimately things are out of our control. That is part of life.

These are real fears that I have about my children - and suggesting therapy, while perhaps good-intentioned, minimizes what's at the core of these fears. That there is an element of life in this society by which I can do little to keep them safer. I've been to therapy, I think it's a great thing, and it helped me, but it's not going to change facts here.

Yes, I can get involved, I can exercise, I can reduce my consumption of media, distract myself with the positive, yes yes all good things.
But are those things going to change things in a meaningful way in this society anytime soon? I have very little hope.

I just read this article and it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/10/05/as-a-mother-and-a-professor-i-never-expected-to-worry-like-this/

And another thing - yes, the statistics are in my favor that neither my child nor I will ever be a victim a gun violence - but what about someone else's kid? Should I have no concern or anxiety about that kid? my neighbor's kid or my friends' kids?

[Anonymous]

OP: Forget about those guns, it's the global warming that will do your kids in. Let's all run around in a huge panic.