How are you not overwhelmed with fear?

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'm with the car accident people. Driving is much more likely to kill. What you are really afraid of is your lack of control and influence.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in DC in the 1980s. After hearing my home town called "murder capitol of the world" and watching "City Under Siege" as a teen -- even as I had to work FT and go to school -- I simply got tired of being scared.

Believe me, times are better now, here anyway.

I also censor the news for myself and my kids. I learned in the 1980s that the news -- especially anything with the word "FOX" in it -- will use any type of scare tactic to get you watching. So I stopped watching.

I stopped being afraid because I want to enjoy life.

[Anonymous]

I was afraid during the sniper attacks a decade ago. I stopped waiting for the bus and got a ride to work and passed three of the sites on the way. It was stressful and then they were caught and there was relief. But then this stuff started happening (or getting press coverage) constantly. There's nothing I can do about it now. It's just random like everything else. I am more afraid of getting rear ended at a traffic light but that doesn't stop me from going places.

[Anonymous]

There are local and national mom's gun control groups. Maybe getting involved with something like that could make you feel like you're doing something. The sense of having no control is really scary. Peace to you, op.

[Anonymous]

Think rationally and play the odds. The HIGH likelihood is that your child will not die in a mass shooting. And generally you can't control that. But you can make sure your kids have appropriate car seats, know how to swim, and are well versed in how to fend off child molesters and protect themselves. Don't waste time worrying about what you can't control to the point that you don't control what you can. I worry too. I had to help come up with a "intruder" plan for my son's preschool...it's stressful! But thinking in terms of reality helps me.

[Anonymous]

What is it you think you do control, OP? Cancer, other drivers, mentally ill people?

If you have anxiety that affects your life or your kids, seek help. If you want to devote energy toward a social or political cause, pick one for good and thought-out reasons. Don't conflate your anxiety with your choice.

[Anonymous]

Every mass shooting involving schools or children is widely publicized and covered exhaustively by the media. That is giving you a skewed perspective of risk. If every car accident, or household accident, or drowning, received the same level of intense media coverage, you would not be worried about shootings - you would be freaking out about cars, pools, and heavy furniture. Focusing on mass shootings while ignoring the more common risks is equivalent to buying lottery tickets rather than getting a job to earn money. If you are responsible, you will channel that anxiety into minimizing driving, swimming lessons, and taking care of safety issues in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ that number is inflated and counts suicides and legal intervention

I want gun control too but I'm not going to exaggerate.

it isn't inflated. That is the number of shootings in this country.

And so what if it includes suicides? Those are also gun deaths. Yes, some of them would have found another way to die, but the likelihood of getting the job done is way higher when a gun is involved.

These things just don't happen in other civilized countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP poster here. It's true I live in a red state, and so I'm pretty careful to ask all the right questions before sending my older girl for a playdate (it's not uncommon in our town to keep a gun, so I always ask, and don't allow my kids to play in anyone's home where there is a gun). But I'm not sure I'd feel *that* much safer back in MoCo. Conn and OR are both pretty liberal states and look what happened there...

of course you're from moco. CCMD or Bethesda???

[Anonymous]

I have a number of fears about mass shootings and the like. I don't know why people are ripping you up here, OP.

I moved from DC (my last year there: many muggings at the 24-hour market in my neighborhood, a killing behind my building, etc...charming) to Oregon recently. My child and I skipped an indoor public event today because I was afraid w/the UCC shooting happening so recently. There was a mass shooting here at a suburban mall a few years back; turns out that the shooter worked around the corner from our current home, which is about 10 miles from the mall.

You never know who it will be or where it will happen; it makes life hard, but -- just like living in DC or New York or Smalltown, USA or anywhere in the world -- you have to manage your fears in the ways that work for you. Skipping an event today was good in that I was not afraid, irritable, and jumpy all day. Will we stay away from public places indefinitely? Absolutely not. We were out and about town by this afternoon, fears forgotten. Will the fears resurface? Yep, absolutely. After 15 years in DC, I would have thought I was less susceptible to giving in to my fears ... but since having a child, I'm not.

My child is not yet in school of any kind. Once that happens...I don't know. It's hard to imagine how I'll go about managing fears at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was afraid during the sniper attacks a decade ago. I stopped waiting for the bus and got a ride to work and passed three of the sites on the way. It was stressful and then they were caught and there was relief. But then this stuff started happening (or getting press coverage) constantly. There's nothing I can do about it now. It's just random like everything else. I am more afraid of getting rear ended at a traffic light but that doesn't stop me from going places.

I remember that fear during the sniper attacks. coaching a 7 year old soccer team and we were scared to go play soccer on an athletic field by a school.

I remember the fear right after 9/11 and the fear of a nuclear terrorist attack in DC.

I remember the fear in 2008 with the stock market going from 12,000 to 6,000 and with 300,000 americans getting fired every month.

I know daily the fear from watching your parent die from alzheimer's and know you are looking in a mirror.

And on top of these I have to deal with the fear of getting killed by a semi-automatic glock because in the 1700s our country was scared of the british and wanted everyone to have a musket. I am embarrassed to be American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A car accident is a much more likely cause of death or harm. I understand that shootings are scary but if you want to be paralyzed by fear you're doing it wrong.

Yes. You will have teenagers one day, driving. if I stop and think about everything that could happen, I would be paralyzed with fear. I just put it out of my head.

[Anonymous]

OP, we do have zero control over this. Each of us, individually, has zero control. But you have to go on anyway.

If you find that your fear interferes with your daily functioning, I suggest therapy.

Meanwhile, what is the action/policy/thing that, in your opinion, would most reduce the number of school shootings? Find an organization that supports that action/policy/thing, and start working for it.

[Anonymous]

Activism in regard to things like gun control helps enormously. At least it did me. Knowing that I was doing something to change our horrible state of affairs regarding guns and mass shootings relieved a lot of my anxiety.

Take action, OP.

[Anonymous]

Quite timely. A gun shop just opened across the street from where I went to elementary school. How can you sell guns this close to where children play?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/dc-politics/gun-store-opens-next-to-school-in-va-town-worried-about-mass-shootings/2015/10/05/1f7d59d2-6b67-11e5-aa5b-f78a98956699_story.html