Isn't it a bit insensitive for parents to constantly post the little pre parties and post parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it insensitive for parents to keep posting pictures of their daughter with the same small group of friends at the pre and post parties for whatever events are going on - especially in
elementary school? I can only think this must make other parents feel left out and if this behavior continues once the girls get older, it does not set a good tone of being inclusive for the girls in the grade. Please
consider your actions.

Oh my god. Get out of your bubble. Do you (and your children) really to have your feelings validated so much?

Get a life.

[Anonymous]

We did cotillion for quite a few years. I wouldn't have pegged it as a Facebook crowd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I'm not on Facebook. That, and privacy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did cotillion for quite a few years. I wouldn't have pegged it as a Facebook crowd

Surely you jest. I'd say they are prime FB users.

[Anonymous]

Do you show these posts to your kids? I'm not on Facebook, so I have no real idea how it works. I'm just thinking why would the kids even know about who was at event based on Facebook posts.
So glad this isn't something I have to contend with!

[Anonymous]

It is completely rude and insensitive when parents behave like mean 13 year olds, which is how they behave by hijacking school wide events (which should be the great levelers for inclusion for all students) by creating groups within the groups pre and post. These cliques should have their gatherings on dates other than big events many kids are excited about. Once the pre party pics are posted the outsiders feel excluded and the insiders turn even more inward. It's bad enough when it happens in high school but really obnoxious for parents of young kids to set the example early on. And for those readers who don't use FB that is always positive-- but the kids will all get the info and it is hurtful. Grow up parents and be a model of inclusion-- have your gatherings another time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no rule that says that you can't post pictures of an event that excludes others but most decent and kind people i know do avoid posting.

If my kid has a birthday party that excludes some of his friends (based on size limitations) by all means, I DON'T post pictures of it on Facebook! Why do something that risks making other feel bad? Why not just err on the side of being kind?

+1, nice people, considerate people, and people with grace and manners do not do this. They rarely post at all or are not even on FB posting duck faces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no rule that says that you can't post pictures of an event that excludes others but most decent and kind people i know do avoid posting.

If my kid has a birthday party that excludes some of his friends (based on size limitations) by all means, I DON'T post pictures of it on Facebook! Why do something that risks making other feel bad? Why not just err on the side of being kind?

Because on some level, even a conscious level, they want others to know and feel left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's simple. FB is entertainment, not an educational tool or a place to get some high culture. It is entertainment and an outlet for many people who enjoy what it offers, as mind numbing as that may be to some people. It is not mandatory that you belong or participate. If you don't enjoy it or it causes you anxiety or stress then stop staring at it. Unfollow people, unfriend people, or get off it all together. Many people have done so and it does not mean their life is over.

There are two issues in play on this thread, really. One (introduced by OP) is whether circulating pictures of a party others weren't invited to, among the people who weren't invited, is rude. The other (introduced by some respondents) is whether people who are annoyed by what is on FB can simply avoid it.

The answer to the second question is yes, and I don't think anyone here has contested that. It doesn't bear on the first question, though (to which the answer is also yes). So as a response it's a bit of a non sequitur.

Once in a while it's good to have lawyers around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is posting pictures on FB rude?? If you don't want to see them, stay off FB, unfollow, or unfriend. You can choose what you look at. It's not like pictures are showing up in your mail to taunt you. People are crazy.

FB is kind of like a big billboard and your FB "friends" are the people you know come by to look at it from time to time. Most people would understand it would be rude to post pictures on an actual billboard of a party to which frequent visitors to the billboard were uninvited.

Sure, if their feelings were hurt, one could always retort after the fact, "It's your own fault for looking." Which is not only clueless and insensitive, but not even really true because they only have that option after they've been made to feel crappy. Before the fact they probably expect, reasonably, that their friends will treat them as such.

One could write a whole book about what it is about social media to cause people to forget basic manners, but this is a classic case. If we weren't talking about FB here it would be pretty obvious that this is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it insensitive for parents to keep posting pictures of their daughter with the same small group of friends at the pre and post parties for whatever events are going on - especially in
elementary school? I can only think this must make other parents feel left out and if this behavior continues once the girls get older, it does not set a good tone of being inclusive for the girls in the grade. Please
consider your actions.

As a parent, you should be more emotionally mature than your elementary-aged child, and therefore able to understand that some people form closer friendships and thus spend more time on those people. Then you can help your child navigate the issue in an emotionally healthy way.

Wow some really mean people on these forums. 0P here and I never said that my child or I am personally upset by this. In fact, my child is not even in the same grade as this person. It just struck me as insensitive when I went on Facebook and yet again there is the same mother posting all of these pictures of all these gatherings which invite "some" of the group of friends but leave out others. I don't know what kind of school you go to, but the school where we are really tries encourage inclusivity and I guess this parent didn't get the memo. It's fine to have a little gathering party but why do you have to go on Facebook and let everybody know that you had all these gatherings. We are usually more discreet instead of throwing it in everyone's face. That's all.

PP wasn't being mean. PP gave you an honest opinion. You responded by being hypersensitive, once again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew a mom at a top private who was a complete wackadoodle. She was a climber and constantly trying to get friends through her children's social interactions (playdates, activities, etc). She was always talking about who she knew (although very superficially), which neighborhood she lived in (although worst house in said neighborhood), how rude, mean, or ill-mannered other people where (blind to her own behavior), and always wanted to know what everyone else was doing after school or on weekends. Once people got to know her they realized she was crazy, insecure, hypocritical, and socially intolerable. This realization would result in them stepping back from the relationship and putting a wall up. Not wanting to be rude or cause an inappropriate confrontation, many people never actually told her she was crazy and had issues, they just quietly backed off or remained very superficial with her. She did not take this backing off very well and became even more crazy, insecure, and socially intolerable. She even blamed other people (paranoia) for her lack of friends and inability to climb higher up the social ladder. She completely lacked the insight that it was she who was the problem and no one else. Unfortunately, people like this will never change. Their psychological issues run deep and they will always live in a state of angst. Very sad and pathetic situation, especially for the children who will likely learn from her bad habits and continue the cycle or be damaged emotionally themselves.

That being said, get over your issues with social media posts. Whether bad or good, they are part of our life and children's future. Do not pass your insecurity and jealousy issues with it onto your children, instead teach them to be confident and imposer them to have their own party and make new friends.

Just seeing this thread. What - did you have a meeting about how to about ignoring this mother who sounds like she just wanted her kids and herself to have some social activities with their community? With the depth and detail of your post, it appears more cruel than the mother - who may be just desperate to fit in socially. I would take her any day over a bunch of mean moms. What school is this? We will be sure not to apply there.

[Anonymous]

I'm noticing Facebook backlash among many at our private school. It's just the ridiculous, loud, innapropriate moms who post themselves at the parties and their kids now. All of these Facebook posts show you're vain and have a lot of time on your hands.

The cool way to be on Facebook is to rarely post status updates except for the occasional pic of your kids or you and a spouse. Wish everyone on your list a happy birthday and they will do the same for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:06 Apologize if post sounded in sensitive, just trying to show example in a quick post so being short and not drawing it out for too long. Comment about house was not stating their house was terrible, just stating that it was nothing to brag about as person was. Also, this person was shown lots of kindness, tolerance, and patience but it did not help situation. Person kept going with behavior and people kept eventually moving out of the way.

What neighborhoods would prompt someone to brag? There are so many nice neighborhoods in the DC, VA, MD area. I can't think of one neighborhood that anyone would mention in an attempt to name drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is completely rude and insensitive when parents behave like mean 13 year olds, which is how they behave by hijacking school wide events (which should be the great levelers for inclusion for all students) by creating groups within the groups pre and post. These cliques should have their gatherings on dates other than big events many kids are excited about. Once the pre party pics are posted the outsiders feel excluded and the insiders turn even more inward. It's bad enough when it happens in high school but really obnoxious for parents of young kids to set the example early on. And for those readers who don't use FB that is always positive-- but the kids will all get the info and it is hurtful. Grow up parents and be a model of inclusion-- have your gatherings another time.

This just happened at our school. Whole grade social, but the cliquey moms had an after-party for their kids and then posted pics on FB. We had fun having a special dinner with our child after, and then got them to bed because they had sports in the morning. The cool kids don't seem to play heavy sports as it conflicts with their ability to go on frequent vacations, where they can post additional FB pictures.