Is it okay to veto "Mom-mom" for a grandmother name?

[Anonymous]

We have a Mom Mom and Pop Pop in our family. Must be a Mid-Atlantic thing.

[Anonymous]

We had a kid at approx the same time as BIL. When this conversation came up, we suggested Bubbie and asked her what she thought. She liked it (but preferred the spelling "Bubbe"). Then I guess for some reason BIL didn't like that, so now DD calls MIL Bubbe and BIL's kid will call her Grandma. I don't really care about that, though I wish everyone could have agreed on something.

I guess my point is, everyone's opinion sort of factors into this to some extent. But if she likes it, it'd be nice of you to just accept it. You don't have to force feed it to your kid, though... sometimes the kids come up with their own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a kid at approx the same time as BIL. When this conversation came up, we suggested Bubbie and asked her what she thought. She liked it (but preferred the spelling "Bubbe"). Then I guess for some reason BIL didn't like that, so now DD calls MIL Bubbe and BIL's kid will call her Grandma. I don't really care about that, though I wish everyone could have agreed on something.

I guess my point is, everyone's opinion sort of factors into this to some extent. But if she likes it, it'd be nice of you to just accept it. You don't have to force feed it to your kid, though... sometimes the kids come up with their own thing.

this. one grandfather in our family goes by PiPa with SIL's (now older) kids because when younger the oldest of her 3 could not pronounce grandpa. Not being a fan of PiPa i reference him as grandpa X when talking to DS. however MIL refers to him as PiPa, so now when DS is saying bedtime prayers he asks for blessing for PiPa and Grandpa X, not understanding that they are the same people. Of course in our family DS has 4 grandmas and 3 grandpas, so it probably gets confusing no matter what!

[Anonymous]

As others have said, just let this one go. No need for a veto. If you refer to MIL as grandma or another preferred name, your child will use that name. I had a really similar experience with my MIL, but my kid chose to call her a cute mispronunciation of her first name. Don't bother with the veto-even though you have a good relationship, she's obviously put some thought into it and it's not worth the trouble of saying no.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely veto it, and I disagree that you should just let it go and it will sort itself out. When "Mom-Mom" refers to herself as this repeatedly around the kid, whatever you are calling her is going to be different and confusing, and it's going to be obvious that you're not using the same name as her. You'd be surprised how often you refer to the grandparents by their names to the kid and help them learn those names.

I think it's an interesting name and she probably doesn't mean any harm by it, but I absolutely agree with you that "Mom-Mom" sets up some weird expectations because it makes her seem like another mom and because it sounds a lot like "Mom." I guess in the early days if your kid is calling you "Mommy" and her "Mom-Mom," it wouldn't be too odd or confusing, but I still wouldn't particularly like it.

I would just pick out two other names you like better and have a nice, informal chat with her about how you and DH like those better. I also had two grandmas, but my MIL created her own name because she wanted to be called something else. Fine. It actually has been kind of convenient to differentiate them. I would think about things like "Nana," "Gammy," or "Gigi."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, just let this one go. No need for a veto. If you refer to MIL as grandma or another preferred name, your child will use that name. I had a really similar experience with my MIL, but my kid chose to call her a cute mispronunciation of her first name. Don't bother with the veto-even though you have a good relationship, she's obviously put some thought into it and it's not worth the trouble of saying no.

Not if MIL lives nearby. Maybe this works if your kid only Skypes with them and sees them once in a great while, but my MIL lives in town, and this would NOT work.

[Anonymous]

I had a mom mom and was never confused about who was my mother vs. grandmother. If your child gets confused by this you will have bigger problems to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, just let this one go. No need for a veto. If you refer to MIL as grandma or another preferred name, your child will use that name. I had a really similar experience with my MIL, but my kid chose to call her a cute mispronunciation of her first name. Don't bother with the veto-even though you have a good relationship, she's obviously put some thought into it and it's not worth the trouble of saying no.

Not if MIL lives nearby. Maybe this works if your kid only Skypes with them and sees them once in a great while, but my MIL lives in town, and this would NOT work.

MIL lives in town and provided child care until child was 2.5. MIL wanted to be called something similar to what OP is describing, but child refused. Veto was unnecessary because child vetoed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a mom mom and was never confused about who was my mother vs. grandmother. If your child gets confused by this you will have bigger problems to deal with.

This is so true! Making issue of it seems insecure, but the child will know very well who MOM is, no matter what those other women in his/her life are called!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think it's an interesting name and she probably doesn't mean any harm by it, but I absolutely agree with you that "Mom-Mom" sets up some weird expectations because it makes her seem like another mom and because it sounds a lot like "Mom." I guess in the early days if your kid is calling you "Mommy" and her "Mom-Mom," it wouldn't be too odd or confusing, but I still wouldn't particularly like it.

But she is another mom to your child.

[Anonymous]

Chill. The kid will probably make up their own name for her anyway. Both of ours did.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine making an issue of this. But, my nephew's wife did this with her MIL. My great nephew is now four and whenever someone asks him why he calls his grandmother a different name than all the other grandkids use, he says "my mother told me to." Fine, but I can tell you, my nephew's wife is definitely an outsider in the family because she makes herself that way, this being one example. And, she complains that she is not included in things when she does things that make her disdain for our family so clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a mom mom and was never confused about who was my mother vs. grandmother. If your child gets confused by this you will have bigger problems to deal with.

Yeah, this. OP reeks of insecurity. Maybe try working on that (and not passing it on to your kids).

[Anonymous]

I called my grandmother Mom-mom and my son now calls my mother Mom-mom. No problems with it here. Let her choose what she wants to be called. You can't and shouldn't control everything.

[Anonymous]

Op back. A lot of projecting going on in this thread. I'm sorry some of you have strained relationships with your family members. We spoke to MIL last night and she's going with Grammy. No hard feelings.

I'm not insecure. Just want to be the only Mom. DH will be the only Dad. Don't think that's much to ask for.