Sister won't leave island home for funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, others are right that you can't force your sister to come. But I will also say, I think it sucks she won't come because she doesn't like the weather. Clearly your family is grieving a young relative. That's awful. I'd want my sister move and heaven and earth to be with me. Death is a stark reminder that we don't get do-overs. Showing up MATTERS. Always go to a funeral.

It's sad she won't chose to come. But no amount of guilt or pressure will change the fact that it's still her choice.

I'm sorry about your cousin OP. I wish you peace.

This.

It's not about me trying to force her or being the boss of her. It's just that it seems a little selfish to not show up. There are numerous funerals I wouldn't have wanted to attend but I go because funerals are about supporting the others around you.

It isn't about money with her, she says she just can't stand the politics and weather in this area which I think is a really non issue for not going to a funeral.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, you're being a jackass. I have been your sister. In my case, I had a newborn and I was absolutely gutted that I couldn't make it to my beloved grandfather's funeral.

This is your sister's decision. Stay out of it. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, others are right that you can't force your sister to come. But I will also say, I think it sucks she won't come because she doesn't like the weather. Clearly your family is grieving a young relative. That's awful. I'd want my sister move and heaven and earth to be with me. Death is a stark reminder that we don't get do-overs. Showing up MATTERS. Always go to a funeral.

It's sad she won't chose to come. But no amount of guilt or pressure will change the fact that it's still her choice.

I'm sorry about your cousin OP. I wish you peace.

This.

It's not about me trying to force her or being the boss of her. It's just that it seems a little selfish to not show up. There are numerous funerals I wouldn't have wanted to attend but I go because funerals are about supporting the others around you.

It isn't about money with her, she says she just can't stand the politics and weather in this area which I think is a really non issue for not going to a funeral.

OP, it sounds like you're actually kind of envious of your sister. The fact that you mention that you went to funerals you went to (but did not want to), suggests maybe you're jealous of your sister's ability to say "no" to expectations.

I gotta say, while you *think* you're taking the moral high road by saying you "support the others around you," it also shows a bit of your true colors. You admit you did not actually want to go. I also don't think your attitude is as "supportive" as you think it is.

So maybe you should focus less on your sister, and more on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being a jackass. I have been your sister. In my case, I had a newborn and I was absolutely gutted that I couldn't make it to my beloved grandfather's funeral.

This is your sister's decision. Stay out of it. Leave her alone.

That's clearly not what's up in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, others are right that you can't force your sister to come. But I will also say, I think it sucks she won't come because she doesn't like the weather. Clearly your family is grieving a young relative. That's awful. I'd want my sister move and heaven and earth to be with me. Death is a stark reminder that we don't get do-overs. Showing up MATTERS. Always go to a funeral.

It's sad she won't chose to come. But no amount of guilt or pressure will change the fact that it's still her choice.

I'm sorry about your cousin OP. I wish you peace.

This.

It's not about me trying to force her or being the boss of her. It's just that it seems a little selfish to not show up. There are numerous funerals I wouldn't have wanted to attend but I go because funerals are about supporting the others around you.

It isn't about money with her, she says she just can't stand the politics and weather in this area which I think is a really non issue for not going to a funeral.

OP, it sounds like you're actually kind of envious of your sister. The fact that you mention that you went to funerals you went to (but did not want to), suggests maybe you're jealous of your sister's ability to say "no" to expectations.

I gotta say, while you *think* you're taking the moral high road by saying you "support the others around you," it also shows a bit of your true colors. You admit you did not actually want to go. I also don't think your attitude is as "supportive" as you think it is.

So maybe you should focus less on your sister, and more on you?

Disagree. It's called being an adult and doing things that need to be done and not being a baby about your preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, others are right that you can't force your sister to come. But I will also say, I think it sucks she won't come because she doesn't like the weather. Clearly your family is grieving a young relative. That's awful. I'd want my sister move and heaven and earth to be with me. Death is a stark reminder that we don't get do-overs. Showing up MATTERS. Always go to a funeral.

It's sad she won't chose to come. But no amount of guilt or pressure will change the fact that it's still her choice.

I'm sorry about your cousin OP. I wish you peace.

This.

It's not about me trying to force her or being the boss of her. It's just that it seems a little selfish to not show up. There are numerous funerals I wouldn't have wanted to attend but I go because funerals are about supporting the others around you.

It isn't about money with her, she says she just can't stand the politics and weather in this area which I think is a really non issue for not going to a funeral.

OP, it sounds like you're actually kind of envious of your sister. The fact that you mention that you went to funerals you went to (but did not want to), suggests maybe you're jealous of your sister's ability to say "no" to expectations.

I gotta say, while you *think* you're taking the moral high road by saying you "support the others around you," it also shows a bit of your true colors. You admit you did not actually want to go. I also don't think your attitude is as "supportive" as you think it is.

So maybe you should focus less on your sister, and more on you?

Disagree. It's called being an adult and doing things that need to be done and not being a baby about your preferences.

Actually, I think that being an adult means you get to decide what needs to be done and what takes priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, others are right that you can't force your sister to come. But I will also say, I think it sucks she won't come because she doesn't like the weather. Clearly your family is grieving a young relative. That's awful. I'd want my sister move and heaven and earth to be with me. Death is a stark reminder that we don't get do-overs. Showing up MATTERS. Always go to a funeral.

It's sad she won't chose to come. But no amount of guilt or pressure will change the fact that it's still her choice.

I'm sorry about your cousin OP. I wish you peace.

This.

It's not about me trying to force her or being the boss of her. It's just that it seems a little selfish to not show up. There are numerous funerals I wouldn't have wanted to attend but I go because funerals are about supporting the others around you.

It isn't about money with her, she says she just can't stand the politics and weather in this area which I think is a really non issue for not going to a funeral.

OP, it sounds like you're actually kind of envious of your sister. The fact that you mention that you went to funerals you went to (but did not want to), suggests maybe you're jealous of your sister's ability to say "no" to expectations.

I gotta say, while you *think* you're taking the moral high road by saying you "support the others around you," it also shows a bit of your true colors. You admit you did not actually want to go. I also don't think your attitude is as "supportive" as you think it is.

So maybe you should focus less on your sister, and more on you?

Disagree. It's called being an adult and doing things that need to be done and not being a baby about your preferences.

What exactly "needs" to be done? The cousin passed away. Sister going to the funeral isn't going to make the cousin alive again. What exactly will your sister going critically accomplish?

It really sounds like you're investing a lot into assumed "should do" obligations based only on what you think is some made up "need." It does come off as petty kind of jealousy in a way.

Are you older, and is is your sister younger? Being an adult means not trying to control other grownups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Translation: the family was making her depressed, her therapist told her to go somewhere and make a new life and not engage with these toxic people (who probably judge her and try to run her life)

Leave her alone.

Jeez. NP here but all these posters sound like they are reaching or putting their own family stuff on OP. She might be selfish or might not be, but there is nothing you can really do about it OP.

[Anonymous]

I would leave her alone and let her live her own life.

You can tell her about the funeral and other life events she is welcome to attend and invite her to special events; she may not be able to come or might not want to come. It's up to her. Might be selfish, might not be selfish, who knows. I would only consider it selfish if it was a death (like that of a shared parent) that would require work on her part to help you out.

[Anonymous]

alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

I would stay in the island too! Who wants to spend expensive airfare to spend time with people she doesn't enjoy being with...if she did, she wouldn't have moved so far!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has an outstanding warrant? Happens.