In-laws left kids with sitter - ok or not?

[Anonymous]

So the other thing is that people so far from the child - rearing phase often misjudge what is reasonable and appropriate for young kids. They forget *how* young little kids are. My dad moved in with his girlfriend (now wife) who we did not know and her adult sn daughter. We agreed to let him have our then 5yo but we hadn't been to the house and didn't know her well...oh and, we didn't know he had moved in with her until they were practically diving off. So my one request to him was that he just not leave DS with anyone but him until we drove down to pick him up and met everyone, got a sense for how they operate, etc. Well, we chatted with DS and, without probing, he let us know that he and the adult sn daughter hung out in her room (upstairs) while the gf was downstairs and my dad ran to the store. The sn daughter is much more capable of taking care of herself than he is, but not a suitable person to care for a child and, now that I know her well, I can say is pretty likely to make a bad judgment call about kids, but not with any sort of malice intended at all. The point is, I asked my dad not to do one thing, and he did. And three years later, he still cannot take my DS to his house. I know that he won't respect my wishes, which I have bc I know my child the best. This was not the only time, but the time that stood out and was the final straw. We now invite them here and they are welcome anytime. I love my dad and even his wife, but they just have different ideas about safety, hygiene, diet and schedules when it comes to kids that I can't get past enough to let them (there is a younger one in the picture too) spend a week in another state with them.

[Anonymous]

If I trusted their judgement, no problem; but a heads up would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I'd be pissed. Wth is the sitter? This isn't the 80s. We qualify child care providers differently now. I'd prefer to do the background checking and interviewing. I wouldn't entrust that to others. I see I don't view child care the same as others here, though, but I'm on your dh's side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't understand what is the big deal.

Plus 1!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is with the ILs not communicating this, not that they left the kids with a sitter.

+1 You left the kids in their care and trusted that the kids would be under their direct supervision. It doesn't sound unreasonable of them to call in a sitter so that they could go out to dinner but I think that they should have called you to let you know.

[Anonymous]

If they needed a break after a few days, GPs should have agreed to watch the kids for a shorter amount of time. Or let you know they were going to dinner and planning to hire a sitter one night so that you could have the option of picking them up early instead of having them with a sitter you don't know. I would never, ever leave my kids with someone I never met, especially at that age. And judging from past behavior of your ILs, they don't sound like they are very careful about the care of your children so who knows how trustworthy the sitter is.

My parents and ILs watch my kids often and for several nights at a time in some cases. They would NEVER leave them with a babysitter (unless it was maybe my aunt/cousin who my kids know very well), nor would they let them near sparklers or put them in the front seat of a car. It's not a generational thing--my parents/ILs know better and they raised kids in the 70s. I would be pissed and would let them know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - they asked to take the kids for a few days (which we LOVE obviously) and they're about an hour away.

If they'd told me in advance is probably have been okay with it? I might have asked how long they knew the sitter and who it was - like is it a lifelong friend or some lady they heard about from a neighbor?

I'm sort of torn. I'm pretty careful about who I leave my kids with, but I get that they're a ton of work. As an aside, they have a history of doing things I'm not sure I'm comfortable with. Like bringing a 2 year old home with sparkler burns or putting my tiny 7 year old in the front seat of a pickup without a booster.

Not sure if everyone reading this thread saw this post.
Based on all this, I would vote--not okay.

1. They asked to take the kids, so weren't doing you a favor. If they want the kids, they should want to, um, be with the kids. If they want them for fewer days, then take them for fewer days.
2. As many others have posted, it's not that a sitter is automatically bad, but they absolutely should have given you and DH a heads up about it.
3. Sparkler burns on a 2 year old + 7 year old in the front seat without booster signals that these folks have a pretty cavalier attitude, so I would not be 100% confident in their ability to get a quality babysitter.

All in all, I'm think you need to reduce the amount of time your kids are with ILs without you or DH around. I consider myself a fairly laid back parent, but this is just too much.