Sibling expects me to pay for nursing home.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll post.
The more OP responds the more I become convinced.

[Anonymous]

IMO, whoever pays for the care gets to decide where it occurs. Your sister can't force you to pay unless you agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post.
The more OP responds the more I become convinced.

Whenever math gets funny I start thinking so too, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Filial duty laws are sort of a new problem. Laws have always been on the books in some states but no one used to enforce them. There is a new trend to start trying so it should be on your radar. Not all states have them so its not an issue for everyone, but if you research the topic you will see some test cases that should give you some concern.

Generally, they are looking to make sure the parent did not dump their assets into a child's account to get out of paying the bill. If this is not the case, you would typically be ok. Other things they might look at would be whether you lived with them, received monthly stipends, etc.

We are concerned about this issue with my father-in-law. He is healthy now, but he is depleting his savings, raiding his 401ks, and has not worked a day in the last 10 years. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to stop him- we have tried. But we are starting to research what we should do to at least protect our own assets from any potential future liability. This isn't to say that we would not help him when the time comes, but if it happens tomorrow.. we certainly do not have enough liquid assets to provide full coverage.

You are being overly dramatic and inappropriate. For those who have been through this, that is the last thing I was worried about. At the nursing home, they asked us to sign a form saying we would be financially responsible. We said no. Problem solved. They send bills in both our names, we ignore them. Simple. We told them it was inappropriate and they don't care. You cannot be forced to be financially responsible for a parent. BTW, being retired means yo don't work.

Actually, as pointed out by others, there is a case in PA where a child was held financially responsible- legally. So it is possible. Not probable.. but possible. I don't think its dramatic or inappropriate to consider possible financial burdens you may have to deal with. It is smart. I would rather have concern now and find a way to manage that concern that be footed with a massive bill I didn't see coming.

Finally, being retired is very different from being laid off at 50 and deciding not to work for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Other poster (re: GA nursing home) here. This is what my sibling is trying to do. Any way possible she can get us to pay! It would not surprise me one second if she gives everyone our address and personal info., so they can come after us. We have children to take care of, she does not. Our situation is none of her business, frankly. She only comes to us when she wants money. It is getting kind of old.

[Anonymous]

OP I have not read all this, but having BTDT I would not allow my sister to put the burden onto me. You are not responsible for her life choices. You are not fully responsible for your dads care while she says she has had enough. You need to get a power of attorney and use it TO PAY HIS BILLS. Not hers. If he has no assets, use Medicaid/meidicare. or other social services. But do not let your sister guilt you into paying for her, or hiring he as a caretaker for your dad. You will get into deep water before you know it.

[Anonymous]

OP If you are not a troll, yes you do have a sister problem. If she has "no money" and you have an extra $7K a month, then you have a problem right there. And she wants Dad to stay near her only. Why? Sorry but after working in elder care, people do strange things when dad's money is involved. Keep it professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you gross $170k a year with your spouse? and you want to pay $84k/year for a nursing home from your after-tax income and your sibling will contribute no money?

Good luck.

I would go back to the drawing board here and try to find an affordable option - church, temple, etc. affiliated that takes over the payments once Gpa is bankrupt.

OP has to be full of shit. Really your spouse is cool with working full time so almost all post tax income goes to a nursing home, maybe for decades? I call BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't have money. He has dementia and is not of sound mind/body. I suggested that he could live with her (they are both in the same city and he lives with her now anyway) and I would pay her a stipend of sorts (2k/month) for her role in caring for him. He doesn't need a nurse to care for him because my sister is at home all day anyway.

OP you are clueless. You clearly have NO idea the hell it is to take care of someone with dementia. If you don't want him to go to a home then YOU need to move him to where you are so he can live with you. Can't be that hard right? Selfish. Now as to paying for it, that should come out of your dad's assets. If no assets are left then try and contribute what you can. Medicaid if all else fails.

[Anonymous]

Here are two role reversal questions, OP:
What would you want your married, adult children to do here?
What would your sister want her married, adult children to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Filial duty laws are sort of a new problem. Laws have always been on the books in some states but no one used to enforce them. There is a new trend to start trying so it should be on your radar. Not all states have them so its not an issue for everyone, but if you research the topic you will see some test cases that should give you some concern.

Generally, they are looking to make sure the parent did not dump their assets into a child's account to get out of paying the bill. If this is not the case, you would typically be ok. Other things they might look at would be whether you lived with them, received monthly stipends, etc.

We are concerned about this issue with my father-in-law. He is healthy now, but he is depleting his savings, raiding his 401ks, and has not worked a day in the last 10 years. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to stop him- we have tried. But we are starting to research what we should do to at least protect our own assets from any potential future liability. This isn't to say that we would not help him when the time comes, but if it happens tomorrow.. we certainly do not have enough liquid assets to provide full coverage.

You are being overly dramatic and inappropriate. For those who have been through this, that is the last thing I was worried about. At the nursing home, they asked us to sign a form saying we would be financially responsible. We said no. Problem solved. They send bills in both our names, we ignore them. Simple. We told them it was inappropriate and they don't care. You cannot be forced to be financially responsible for a parent. BTW, being retired means yo don't work.

But can't they refuse to take the person if you don't provide financial information?