Travelling to a wedding when dating - who pays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The average income in this country is under $50k. Whoever posted that needs to get out of their pampered DC bubble and see the real world.

No kidding. 50K might not be summer cottages and private planes, but it's hardly "loser" money. Especially if the person likes what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have picked up the whole tab for my DH back when we were dating and he made a quarter of what I made (he was law student at the time, only made $ as a summer intern).

I don't get why people are in these weirdly unequal relationships and don't see fit to share their largesse if they are the higher-earning member of the couple, unless they aren't serious and they don't want to sink more money than they absolutely have to into doing things with someone they aren't into. That's my guess for what's happening here. It's not like the guy is making $100K and the woman is making $80K. It's hugely unequal and it's a shared event (despite it being for her relatives). I'd definitely pay. That he wouldn't just offer to smacks of him not really committing to this relationship.

It's not THEIR largesse. They aren't married. They aren't engaged.

It'd be swell if he offered to foot the whole bill but it's not reasonable to EXPECT him to pay for her out of town family wedding.

You're right that it's not officially their largesse, but if he's still committed to keeping his, he's not ready to share his life with a wife. It's not about expecting someone to foot the bill for abstract reasons, it's about the fact that OP's boyfriend is content to watch her scrimp to pay these bills when he'd probably barely notice them. That's not someone who's all-in on the relationship.

NP here. Holy melodrama, 50K isn't exactly poverty level and it's not like OP is trying to decide between food and electricity or hitting the street corner. We also don't know if said boyfriend is very generous already and pays for nice vacations, always pays for dinners etc so to make this a test of his generosity and fate of the relationship seems unfair. By PP definition the boyfriend should be buying everything including the OP's feminine products because he makes more and won't miss it. It's like shades of the DCUM post of the woman that is unhappy because her husband won't get a better job to support her in the lifestyle she wants to lead.

Anyway, I think the distinction is that this is presumably solely for OP and it wasn't a joint plan AND this is a luxury item that OP can afford on her own. If this was a vacation they planned together I would have had a different answer. I don't think OP hurts her cause by going in on the assumption she pays.

[Anonymous]

Discuss. Be honest. Allow the other person to decline without resentment.

You set your own rules by being open, honest, and mature about it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't travel to a wedding - especially a family wedding - with someone to whom I was not already engaged.

Once DH and I were engaged we treated everything as "our" money.

[Anonymous]

I say it all depends on how badly the man wants to attend.

However a woman may feel insulted any time her S/O does not have a desire to accompany her to a wedding.

I say split the co$ts evenly. However if paying the costs will put her in the red for a while, just man up and pay as much as you can.

You know the adage... -----> Ah..The things we do for love...

[Anonymous]

You should expect to pay for anything you would pay for were you attending alone. If you were able to treat him to the whole weekend, since you were the one inviting him, that would be nice, but if you've been dating that long, and are both aware of the discrepancy in your incomes, he should cover the cost of any expenses you wouldn't have incurred had he not attended (e.g. his own airfare, 1/2 the hotel room if you would have shared with a cousin, or the whole cost of the hotel if you would have stayed with family had you attended alone)

Honestly, though - this far into dating, when you're taking someone to a family wedding - I think these things should sort of work themselves out. Given the income discrepancy, and the length of time you've been dating - has he not made your life more affordable/saved you some money by paying for things you would have otherwise bought yourself? Such as meals out, vacations, etc? If so, he's more than 'paid his way' on this particular trip, and I wouldn't nickel-and-dime about it.