Travelling to a wedding when dating - who pays?

[Anonymous]

Op you need to break up. You are dating outside your class. There are high earning women who should be going out with him.

[Anonymous]

I think, assuming facts in evidence are accurate, the the guy probably SHOULD pick it up, but I disagree that he should be EXPECTED to pick it up, if you get my distinction.

A lot depends on how this came about. Was the OP already making plans to attend on her own regardless and then the boyfriend subsequently invited to accompany? Or was it a jointly conceived and planned trip from the beginning? If the latter I'd have more expectation that he'd probably cover more of the expenses. But if it's the former it would feel more like you were simply adding him on the expecting him to bankroll what you'd already planned.

And to the PP who suggested that wedding are fun...bah! I guarantee that an out of town wedding with your GF's family is no man's barrel of monkeys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to break up. You are dating outside your class. There are high earning women who should be going out with him.

This is a very ridiculous statement. Not earning a lot does not make her out of his class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to break up. You are dating outside your class. There are high earning women who should be going out with him.

We are in the same profession. I work in a public interest position helping low income people and he defends large corporations, hence the income difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have picked up the whole tab for my DH back when we were dating and he made a quarter of what I made (he was law student at the time, only made $ as a summer intern).

I don't get why people are in these weirdly unequal relationships and don't see fit to share their largesse if they are the higher-earning member of the couple, unless they aren't serious and they don't want to sink more money than they absolutely have to into doing things with someone they aren't into. That's my guess for what's happening here. It's not like the guy is making $100K and the woman is making $80K. It's hugely unequal and it's a shared event (despite it being for her relatives). I'd definitely pay. That he wouldn't just offer to smacks of him not really committing to this relationship.

It's not THEIR largesse. They aren't married. They aren't engaged.

It'd be swell if he offered to foot the whole bill but it's not reasonable to EXPECT him to pay for her out of town family wedding.

I agree it shouldn't be expected but all other things being equal (ie, they are both kind/good partners to one another) I would be peeved if my 500K bf let me pick up a 500 dollar hotel tab when he knew I was making peanuts.

It comes down to like, a statement on general character and generosity. OP shouldn't expect it and as others have said should pay for everything she would have paid for otherwise, but I would think twice about a BF who didn't offer to pick some of that up when they were coming from a place of such wealth.

I completely agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each pays own airfare, woman offers to pay hotel/car and man declines and pays it. Equally because of, to me, chivalry and the income disparity.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thirty something man and woman dating for 1.5 years, discussing marriage.

Woman has a family member getting married. Costs are airfare, hotel, and car rental.

Woman makes 50,000. Man makes 500,000. How should travelling costs be split? Should the woman pay for everything or maybe everything but the mans flight, since it is her family? Or should the man pay for more since he makes so much more?

You are a 30 something woman making $50k? Get a better job, loser.

You don't know anything about the OP's job or life yet you're content to call her a loser for what she makes. You're the loser here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say the relationship should be dissolved. Arguing about who is going to pay for a wedding after 1.5 years of dating, especially when one person is making so much more than the other, either screams a penny-pinching man or a gold-digger woman. Yuck, what gross people on both sides.

Agree.

You either both agree to go on the wedding trip together and split the costs down the middle or you don't both or either go. If she can't pay her way she shouldn't be going. You can offer , but really should be split down the middle unless you've already had this convo and are merging assets, incomes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to break up. You are dating outside your class. There are high earning women who should be going out with him.

We are in the same profession. I work in a public interest position helping low income people and he defends large corporations, hence the income difference.

Is this a joke or just a totally misinformed excessive liberal social worker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to break up. You are dating outside your class. There are high earning women who should be going out with him.

We are in the same profession. I work in a public interest position helping low income people and he defends large corporations, hence the income difference.

Is this a joke or just a totally misinformed excessive liberal social worker?

Probably attorneys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say the relationship should be dissolved. Arguing about who is going to pay for a wedding after 1.5 years of dating, especially when one person is making so much more than the other, either screams a penny-pinching man or a gold-digger woman. Yuck, what gross people on both sides.

Yeah, this is basically her trolling DCUM in hopes everyone will say he should pay for her trip since he makes 10x what she does.

Op is the female here. Go reread everything wih that knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thirty something man and woman dating for 1.5 years, discussing marriage.

Woman has a family member getting married. Costs are airfare, hotel, and car rental.

Woman makes 50,000. Man makes 500,000. How should travelling costs be split? Should the woman pay for everything or maybe everything but the mans flight, since it is her family? Or should the man pay for more since he makes so much more?

You are a 30 something woman making $50k? Get a better job, loser.

You don't know anything about the OP's job or life yet you're content to call her a loser for what she makes. You're the loser here.

The average income in this country is under $50k. Whoever posted that needs to get out of their pampered DC bubble and see the real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to break up. You are dating outside your class. There are high earning women who should be going out with him.

We are in the same profession. I work in a public interest position helping low income people and he defends large corporations, hence the income difference.

Is this a joke or just a totally misinformed excessive liberal social worker?

Probably attorneys.

Ah so OP downshifted or never went into Big Law, instead doing less hours, less pay, less stress (certainly a different stress, but less) in a public interest lawyer position. Pay is really bad, even DoJ pays better than $50k, maybe her on the mommy track is appealing to both?

[Anonymous]

He should pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thirty something man and woman dating for 1.5 years, discussing marriage.

Woman has a family member getting married. Costs are airfare, hotel, and car rental.

Woman makes 50,000. Man makes 500,000. How should travelling costs be split? Should the woman pay for everything or maybe everything but the mans flight, since it is her family? Or should the man pay for more since he makes so much more?

You are a 30 something woman making $50k? Get a better job, loser.

You don't know anything about the OP's job or life yet you're content to call her a loser for what she makes. You're the loser here.

The average income in this country is under $50k. Whoever posted that needs to get out of their pampered DC bubble and see the real world.

4 yrs of ugrad and 3 years of law school should be worth something, at least in your 20s when you want to work hard, learn and network.