Reassure me - 4 year old has ZERO interest in learning to read / write

[Anonymous]

I've found that ' nasty' posts on DCUM are the things that people won't say to your face. It does not make them true/wrong, but they are often valid perspectives. Just devoid of sugar coating. And maybe they are dead wrong- when mixed with your values and experience. But things are said on this board, although often inflammatory are coming from a legit place. Trust me- I've had my ass handed to me a few times on DCUM, and although I don't always agree- it's valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found that ' nasty' posts on DCUM are the things that people won't say to your face. It does not make them true/wrong, but they are often valid perspectives. Just devoid of sugar coating. And maybe they are dead wrong- when mixed with your values and experience. But things are said on this board, although often inflammatory are coming from a legit place. Trust me- I've had my ass handed to me a few times on DCUM, and although I don't always agree- it's valid.

I don't know why - this made me laugh. Pretty healthy attitude about DCUM actually.

[Anonymous]

If you don't encourage it beyond the absolute basics, then she may not get interested. Get the Kumon Dry Erase letters/shapes/numbers and basic tracing/line and then letters. They have some very basic ones that are lots of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

The bolded is where I think you and so many parents fail. Either be pushy, or be laid-back, but own it. Your lack of confidence in a position ends up weakening your parenting one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

PPs are completely right - we've all had our respective derrieres handed to us on DCUM, and performed the same service to others.

OP, it's understandable to "mourn" the fact that your precious little one, product of such high achieving parents, is not the most advanced in her class. She has plenty of time to get there, don't worry.

Here's a little story: I hardly ever read to my kids when they were little. I was too busy reading for my selfish pleasure. I'm the type who burns dinner because my nose is stuck inside a book, just like the narrator's little sis in Lorna Doone. Both of my children are bookworms. They wanted to do what gave their mother so much happiness.
Be warned that your every action is being analyzed by your kid. If you don't read for yourself in front of them, they won't understand it's fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

I say this with zero snark: I don't think that the bolded is true. My advice is for you to realize that. It should actually make you feel better -- what you are describing about your DD is of so little concern that it is NOT the kind of thing that the vast majority of typical parents would worry about.

Absolute and complete BS. Plenty of parents are concerned when they're children aren't "achieving" at the same rate as other kids. Give me a break. Every third post on DCUM is along these lines. Do you have children? I mean that with zero snark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs are completely right - we've all had our respective derrieres handed to us on DCUM, and performed the same service to others.

OP, it's understandable to "mourn" the fact that your precious little one, product of such high achieving parents, is not the most advanced in her class. She has plenty of time to get there, don't worry.

Here's a little story: I hardly ever read to my kids when they were little. I was too busy reading for my selfish pleasure. I'm the type who burns dinner because my nose is stuck inside a book, just like the narrator's little sis in Lorna Doone. Both of my children are bookworms. They wanted to do what gave their mother so much happiness.
Be warned that your every action is being analyzed by your kid. If you don't read for yourself in front of them, they won't understand it's fun.

This is something to be proud of? That you've been abused by posters and then turn around and abuse other posters for asking sincere questions. How sad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs are completely right - we've all had our respective derrieres handed to us on DCUM, and performed the same service to others.

OP, it's understandable to "mourn" the fact that your precious little one, product of such high achieving parents, is not the most advanced in her class. She has plenty of time to get there, don't worry.

Here's a little story: I hardly ever read to my kids when they were little. I was too busy reading for my selfish pleasure. I'm the type who burns dinner because my nose is stuck inside a book, just like the narrator's little sis in Lorna Doone. Both of my children are bookworms. They wanted to do what gave their mother so much happiness.
Be warned that your every action is being analyzed by your kid. If you don't read for yourself in front of them, they won't understand it's fun.

This is something to be proud of? That you've been abused by posters and then turn around and abuse other posters for asking sincere questions. How sad for you.

X10000. Lots of sad and angry people on this forum who simply click on threads to start fights and "kick the dog", so to speak. They're miserable and coming on to this forum to be mean and hurtful is an outlet for them. It's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

No- its not to be mean. When people are sharing their truth- without worrying about your pride, it can come off as harsh. No one really wastes their time to be bitter. If we click on a thread about delays its because we want to share our truth. Either that our kid was delayed and now is XYZ or that we have seen parents lose their dammed minds over things that turn out just fine. Or more apporpriately- that losing your mind was no influence on your kids progress.

Seeing things as black and white (people either support me or are meanies) is maybe not the best way to view things. If everyone who disagrees with you is better/angry then it explains why people do not voice adverse opinion, IRL.

I am most often surprised that folks are outraged at the varied responses. Who are you all hanging out with, that everyone just smiles and nods?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No- its not to be mean. When people are sharing their truth- without worrying about your pride, it can come off as harsh. No one really wastes their time to be bitter. If we click on a thread about delays its because we want to share our truth. Either that our kid was delayed and now is XYZ or that we have seen parents lose their dammed minds over things that turn out just fine. Or more apporpriately- that losing your mind was no influence on your kids progress.

Seeing things as black and white (people either support me or are meanies) is maybe not the best way to view things. If everyone who disagrees with you is better/angry then it explains why people do not voice adverse opinion, IRL.

I am most often surprised that folks are outraged at the varied responses. Who are you all hanging out with, that everyone just smiles and nods?

Oh stop with the righteousness, please. No one is talking about "varied responses". It's the name calling, the callous and dismissive comments, the snark, and often ridiculous but hurtful assertions about the OP as a means to degrade and shame them for - presumably - asking a "dumb question", even if that question is sincere. You worry about X, you ask about X and you get a barrage of nastiness. Very dynamic. Who are you hanging out with where people can't provide "varied responses" on a civil way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

I say this with zero snark: I don't think that the bolded is true. My advice is for you to realize that. It should actually make you feel better -- what you are describing about your DD is of so little concern that it is NOT the kind of thing that the vast majority of typical parents would worry about.

Absolute and complete BS. Plenty of parents are concerned when they're children aren't "achieving" at the same rate as other kids. Give me a break. Every third post on DCUM is along these lines. Do you have children? I mean that with zero snark.

I don't think that the vast majority of parents are worrying that their four-year-old is not interested when they try to push sight words and writing. At least, I hope they're not. Maybe in DCUM Fun House Mirror World, but otherwise not.

[Anonymous]

OP, just chill. She is completely fine. If she still shows no interest in 1st or 2nd then maybe worry, but give her some time.

And don't post here without thick skin. DCUM love is tough love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- its not to be mean. When people are sharing their truth- without worrying about your pride, it can come off as harsh. No one really wastes their time to be bitter. If we click on a thread about delays its because we want to share our truth. Either that our kid was delayed and now is XYZ or that we have seen parents lose their dammed minds over things that turn out just fine. Or more apporpriately- that losing your mind was no influence on your kids progress.

Seeing things as black and white (people either support me or are meanies) is maybe not the best way to view things. If everyone who disagrees with you is better/angry then it explains why people do not voice adverse opinion, IRL.

I am most often surprised that folks are outraged at the varied responses. Who are you all hanging out with, that everyone just smiles and nods?

Oh stop with the righteousness, please. No one is talking about "varied responses". It's the name calling, the callous and dismissive comments, the snark, and often ridiculous but hurtful assertions about the OP as a means to degrade and shame them for - presumably - asking a "dumb question", even if that question is sincere. You worry about X, you ask about X and you get a barrage of nastiness. Very dynamic. Who are you hanging out with where people can't provide "varied responses" on a civil way?

The only person who name called was OP! She called people jackasses and told someone that they lacked basic reading comp skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No- its not to be mean. When people are sharing their truth- without worrying about your pride, it can come off as harsh. No one really wastes their time to be bitter. If we click on a thread about delays its because we want to share our truth. Either that our kid was delayed and now is XYZ or that we have seen parents lose their dammed minds over things that turn out just fine. Or more apporpriately- that losing your mind was no influence on your kids progress.

Seeing things as black and white (people either support me or are meanies) is maybe not the best way to view things. If everyone who disagrees with you is better/angry then it explains why people do not voice adverse opinion, IRL.

I am most often surprised that folks are outraged at the varied responses. Who are you all hanging out with, that everyone just smiles and nods?

Oh stop with the righteousness, please. No one is talking about "varied responses". It's the name calling, the callous and dismissive comments, the snark, and often ridiculous but hurtful assertions about the OP as a means to degrade and shame them for - presumably - asking a "dumb question", even if that question is sincere. You worry about X, you ask about X and you get a barrage of nastiness. Very dynamic. Who are you hanging out with where people can't provide "varied responses" on a civil way?

Also- thanks for condemning snark, with snark.
God- I really hope that you are just trying to be annoying and are not really that unaware.

[Anonymous]

This is a painful thread. Why is everyone in such a bad mood?