Reassure me - 4 year old has ZERO interest in learning to read / write

[Anonymous]

Another in the it's normal/lay off the pressure camp.

DD barely knew the alphabet at 4, had no interest in reading herself although she loved to be read to. She was just really interested in other things, esp. exploring outside, building creative things. Reading didn't click with her until sometime in 1st grade and then she took off. By 4th grade she was ID'd as gifted for language arts and she continues to be very creative, both in writing and in art. I'm a children's librarian and educated about what is developmentally appropriate so I never worried about it (although I had to reassure DH a number of times)

DS read early (age 3-4) but as a 6th grader doesn't particularly like reading and hates writing.

Let your DD explore at her own pace and find a preschool that supports that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is unreal. Now you need reassurance because your 4 year old can't read 50 sight words???

Um, no. I would like reassurance that her total lack of interest isn't something to be concerned about. Reading comprehension is a beautiful thing.

Thanks for playing. You can check off your "posted useless and nasty response" box now.

NP here. I was going to post something reassuring but this response makes me think I'd rather not.

me too. geez, OP, lighten up or your daughter's childhood will not be any fun for either of you.

[Anonymous]

I think your child is fine, OP. I may be biased though... My son is 4.5 and doesn't know any sight words. He will ask me what things say and pretends to read and spell. He can't even spell his own name and isn't terribly interested in learning how, but he can pick it out of a bunch of words; that's fine by me. He'll learn when he's ready and I refuse to push him.

I am exhausted by all the bragging about how young kids can read! Truly, it is beyond exhausting. Even my faux hippie, "it's all good, man" neighbors brag about their 3 year old "reading".

The vast majority will learn when they are developmentally ready; the others may require special assistance -- and that's fine, too. Support your child where she is and all will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

[Anonymous]

You've heard from a lot of parents that this is within the range of normal, and that their kids or their kids' peers started kindergarten without reading or writing.

I'm not sure how much more reassurance we can give at this point. It's fine. It's normal. I've seen it with my own eyes in DC's kindergarten classroom.

You can choose to believe those of us who have kids who have been through kindy or not. But there it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school.

Lots of people have told you that this is normal. Does that not constitute a supportive exchange?

[Anonymous]

I also note that you talk about how your child isn't interested in these things.

ESPECIALLY if the issue is interest rather than skill, you should let your child follow her own path. You can't force interest, but you can absolutely engender resentment and a power struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school.

Lots of people have told you that this is normal. Does that not constitute a supportive exchange?

Plenty of nasty comments and name calling along the way, including the from the first PP (though I got flamed for responding to the sarcasm and nastiness - go figure). I had to dig through posts of insults and accusations that I'm a tiger mom (though as I stated in my OP, I'm far from it) to get some very thoughtful responses. And even those who've responded that this is normal have lobbed an insult my way. So no, not a terribly supportive exchange.

Bottom line: I don't need the abuse when seeking advice, particularly not when the issue I'm raising is something that I'd imagine plenty of parents can relate to or at least have a thoughtful point of view on and can share without being nasty, dismissive, and snarky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

You know OP, this is a lot of feeling sorry for yourself. I always wonder if posters like you read DCUM regularly. You posted on an anonymous forum. You got some good advice. You got some snark. This topic, in general, can generate some strong feelings, which is predictable. Some of the snarky posts were in response to you and some were in response to other posters who made some fairly outlandish suggestions. It's the nature of this forum. If you can't sift through the bad to get the good and not take it personally, then truly it isn't for you and don't post. Really, who cares if some anonymous strangers might have been a bit over-the-top and snarky with you. I don't understand posters who think that every response is going to be supportive. It's not. Ever.

Good luck with your daughter. Sounds to me like she's going to be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

You know OP, this is a lot of feeling sorry for yourself. I always wonder if posters like you read DCUM regularly. You posted on an anonymous forum. You got some good advice. You got some snark. This topic, in general, can generate some strong feelings, which is predictable. Some of the snarky posts were in response to you and some were in response to other posters who made some fairly outlandish suggestions. It's the nature of this forum. If you can't sift through the bad to get the good and not take it personally, then truly it isn't for you and don't post. Really, who cares if some anonymous strangers might have been a bit over-the-top and snarky with you. I don't understand posters who think that every response is going to be supportive. It's not. Ever.

Good luck with your daughter. Sounds to me like she's going to be just fine.

What is predictable about the strong feelings to this topic? Just curious. Because I read this and think it's a very ordinary, normal set of concerns and nothing particularly polarizing about wondering about your child's intellectual curiosity and/or if you should drive your kids harder to focus on academics - or not.

No need to be insulting and not sure why anyone, no matter how familiar with this forum, should have to endure rudeness just to get a handful of decent insights? I don't understand why posters think it's okay to be unnecessarily unkind on a forum titled "General Parenting", presumably a forum to ask the "dumb questions" and express things anonymously that are on your mind as a parent.

[Anonymous]

you're an ass...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

You know OP, this is a lot of feeling sorry for yourself. I always wonder if posters like you read DCUM regularly. You posted on an anonymous forum. You got some good advice. You got some snark. This topic, in general, can generate some strong feelings, which is predictable. Some of the snarky posts were in response to you and some were in response to other posters who made some fairly outlandish suggestions. It's the nature of this forum. If you can't sift through the bad to get the good and not take it personally, then truly it isn't for you and don't post. Really, who cares if some anonymous strangers might have been a bit over-the-top and snarky with you. I don't understand posters who think that every response is going to be supportive. It's not. Ever.

Good luck with your daughter. Sounds to me like she's going to be just fine.

What is predictable about the strong feelings to this topic? Just curious. Because I read this and think it's a very ordinary, normal set of concerns and nothing particularly polarizing about wondering about your child's intellectual curiosity and/or if you should drive your kids harder to focus on academics - or not.

No need to be insulting and not sure why anyone, no matter how familiar with this forum, should have to endure rudeness just to get a handful of decent insights? I don't understand why posters think it's okay to be unnecessarily unkind on a forum titled "General Parenting", presumably a forum to ask the "dumb questions" and express things anonymously that are on your mind as a parent.

There wouldn't be a phrase for the phenomena (tiger mom) if this wasn't a topic that generated strong feelings. Lots of people think driving your kids harder to focus on academics is bad. Lots don't. Controversy.

You don't have to endure rudeness. If you don't want to endure any rudeness, which I can promise you will occur on DCUM, then don't post here. Ask your mom circle face to face. Talk to a trusted family friend who is a teacher. Reach out to your child's preschool director. Lamenting that people shouldn't be rude here is like asking the sky to rain ice cream sundaes. It would be nice. It's not happening. Make decisions accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the helpful responses. And to those who didn't like my response to an unnecessarily nasty and sarcastic first PP (who also clearly didn't read my post or comprehend it), so be it.

As I noted in my first post I'm not fixated on the number of sight words or spelling, it's that DD is not interested or enthusiastic AT ALL about these things, even at school. To underscore what I wrote in my original post, DH and I don't push writing or sight words at home. We buy books, we read books, and on the single occasion that she expressed interest in it, bought her paper and pencil so she could "write." But that's it. We don't practice letters, we don't have flash cards or any of that.

But yes, I hear from teachers at DD's pre-k that DD isn't really interested in those things and her peers are and I worry that perhaps her lack of interest will affect her readiness for kindergarten (though MoCo stresses that Kindergarten readiness has nothing to do with these things - I know). DD starts Kindergarten this fall. Just a few weeks away.

I'm not a tiger mom by any stretch and I guess sometimes I worry that maybe I should be more "pushy" about some of these things .... Maybe DH and I are too laid back? Maybe we haven't instilled enthusiasm or motivation and should be more emphatic about letters - just wanted some reassurance on this and appreciate hearing from those who had some insights.

And lastly, I don't need to be flamed and the nasty comments and critique, especially the comments from SN mom who says I'm making up problems, are really uncalled for. I'm not hysterical and my concern is well within the range of normal doubts that average parents have and a desire for some reassurance that things will be "okay" OR things may not be okay and guidance about what has worked for others.

I guess DCUM is not really a forum for this kind of supportive exchange and I've learned my lesson.

I say this with zero snark: I don't think that the bolded is true. My advice is for you to realize that. It should actually make you feel better -- what you are describing about your DD is of so little concern that it is NOT the kind of thing that the vast majority of typical parents would worry about.

[Anonymous]

OP, something about the tone of your posts is very off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Many kids go to K without reading first. I would wait and see how K goes before worrying. Our DD started K not really reading and has done just fine. She's still not overly interested in reading but she has progressed well.