Help me cope with in laws visit

[Anonymous]

DON'T stay with the ILs. Sleep in another location. You have got to have a second place to get over the stress.

Stay in a hotel. Use the gym and pool (required on this visit) to ward off stress with exercise.

Get a blood pressure cuff and take your BP; when it gets too high, tell DH to take the kids and ILs himself.

+1 to PPs who said find a Starbucks with a book. Spend at least an hour a day there to have time to yourself.

These are not selfish acts. They are self-preservation health strategies. Stress can shorten your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Day 2 - slightly better...

Regarding snacking; I try not to "ruin" meals with constant snacking, but I stuffed my purse full of granola bars (brought from home bc I knew what this place is like), and junk and just threw food at my kids every time they chirped. I also held string on meal time for lunch - SIL had a totally hissy fur bc it was early and wouldn't eat anything, but, hey, my kids ate and were great.

They got mad at DD once for climbing on the chairs in the kids shoe area at Nordstrom... I squeezed her arm really hard to get her to stop bc sil and MIL were totally escalating.

Also got told I'm "so strict" because we limit TV. Again, this was said while the children were watching a 2 hour movie.

Hung out with DH's aunt and uncle, who are more reasonable than my in laws.

We did a year of couples therapy before getting pregnant with our first child - the theme pretty much centered around DG and the relationship with his parents being unhealthy for our marriage. He went back into therapy alone 2 years ago for a few months. Both times benefitted our marriage as a whole, but DH felt it was a waste of time. He has said no more.

He's a fairly good guy to be married to 80% of the time. 10% of the time we're at odds over his family and visits like this and add another 10% for usual couple stuff.

Again, a sincere than you to the people who continue to kindly offer advice and support - thank you for the reminder to remain polite and calm. Super important.

Also, being busy has been terrific - I booked swim lessons at their local pool, and while the lessons got canceled, I got to have someplace to take the kids for a couple of hours.

I am OP of the thread- MIL moving 5 minutes away. Reading through this for the first time is kind of giving me chills/a look into the future unless something changes...the unhealthy relationship, lack of boundaries, MIL ordering everyone around, DH giving in to placate her, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 2 - slightly better...

Regarding snacking; I try not to "ruin" meals with constant snacking, but I stuffed my purse full of granola bars (brought from home bc I knew what this place is like), and junk and just threw food at my kids every time they chirped. I also held string on meal time for lunch - SIL had a totally hissy fur bc it was early and wouldn't eat anything, but, hey, my kids ate and were great.

They got mad at DD once for climbing on the chairs in the kids shoe area at Nordstrom... I squeezed her arm really hard to get her to stop bc sil and MIL were totally escalating.

Also got told I'm "so strict" because we limit TV. Again, this was said while the children were watching a 2 hour movie.

Hung out with DH's aunt and uncle, who are more reasonable than my in laws.

We did a year of couples therapy before getting pregnant with our first child - the theme pretty much centered around DG and the relationship with his parents being unhealthy for our marriage. He went back into therapy alone 2 years ago for a few months. Both times benefitted our marriage as a whole, but DH felt it was a waste of time. He has said no more.

He's a fairly good guy to be married to 80% of the time. 10% of the time we're at odds over his family and visits like this and add another 10% for usual couple stuff.

Again, a sincere than you to the people who continue to kindly offer advice and support - thank you for the reminder to remain polite and calm. Super important.

Also, being busy has been terrific - I booked swim lessons at their local pool, and while the lessons got canceled, I got to have someplace to take the kids for a couple of hours.

I am OP of the thread- MIL moving 5 minutes away. Reading through this for the first time is kind of giving me chills/a look into the future unless something changes...the unhealthy relationship, lack of boundaries, MIL ordering everyone around, DH giving in to placate her, etc.

Op of this thread to you - I'm not sure we'd still be married if we lived anywhere near her. Just being honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 2 - slightly better...

Regarding snacking; I try not to "ruin" meals with constant snacking, but I stuffed my purse full of granola bars (brought from home bc I knew what this place is like), and junk and just threw food at my kids every time they chirped. I also held string on meal time for lunch - SIL had a totally hissy fur bc it was early and wouldn't eat anything, but, hey, my kids ate and were great.

They got mad at DD once for climbing on the chairs in the kids shoe area at Nordstrom... I squeezed her arm really hard to get her to stop bc sil and MIL were totally escalating.

Also got told I'm "so strict" because we limit TV. Again, this was said while the children were watching a 2 hour movie.

Hung out with DH's aunt and uncle, who are more reasonable than my in laws.

We did a year of couples therapy before getting pregnant with our first child - the theme pretty much centered around DG and the relationship with his parents being unhealthy for our marriage. He went back into therapy alone 2 years ago for a few months. Both times benefitted our marriage as a whole, but DH felt it was a waste of time. He has said no more.

He's a fairly good guy to be married to 80% of the time. 10% of the time we're at odds over his family and visits like this and add another 10% for usual couple stuff.

Again, a sincere than you to the people who continue to kindly offer advice and support - thank you for the reminder to remain polite and calm. Super important.

Also, being busy has been terrific - I booked swim lessons at their local pool, and while the lessons got canceled, I got to have someplace to take the kids for a couple of hours.

I am OP of the thread- MIL moving 5 minutes away. Reading through this for the first time is kind of giving me chills/a look into the future unless something changes...the unhealthy relationship, lack of boundaries, MIL ordering everyone around, DH giving in to placate her, etc.

Op of this thread to you - I'm not sure we'd still be married if we lived anywhere near her. Just being honest.

I believe you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Mil watched kids for first time today for an hour and a half. First time dh and I got yo do anything other than referee and entertain. This vacation is way too long - ESP since no one seems to understand I deserve a break, too. I'm now lying in bed, telling them I don't feel well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Mil watched kids for first time today for an hour and a half. First time dh and I got yo do anything other than referee and entertain. This vacation is way too long - ESP since no one seems to understand I deserve a break, too. I'm now lying in bed, telling them I don't feel well.

How did she and the kids fare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Mil watched kids for first time today for an hour and a half. First time dh and I got yo do anything other than referee and entertain. This vacation is way too long - ESP since no one seems to understand I deserve a break, too. I'm now lying in bed, telling them I don't feel well.

How did she and the kids fare?

Op here. I have no idea. Thankfully, she didn't take them to the pool - I told her not to; she's terrible at supervision at a pool - in her house, she's totally anal retentive bc nothing must get touched or harmed, but at the pool, she thinks she can do laps and watch my non-swimming 4 year old at the same time. So they stayed home.

But I'm pissed at DH now... He just doesn't acknowledge that it's a sacrifice for me to take all this time and come here and then do all the f-ing kid work and all the shit and not get anything out of it... I had made reservations at a nice restaurant for just the two of us, but he insisted on 9:30 bc, of course, we can't trouble his mother to put them to bed, and of course, at 8, he says he's tired and to cancel the reservations. I don't know any more ways to tell him I need my battery re-charged and spending more time with crazy mil isn't going to do it.

[Anonymous]

Never expect a visit to family like that to be a vacation, first of all. If you are going to get recharged, plan a real vacation (though with kids any vacation is work to some degree). But if you start proactively planning what you *do* want with DH, and then any family visit would be secondary to that, you might feel better.

[Anonymous]

I really think it's unreasonable for DH to think that a week long stay is okay. Draw a line in the sand next year. Il's will whine and complain, but there is nothing they can do about it. In the future, make sure to involve kids in a lot of activities. Team sports, camp, etc. That way you have a built in excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Mil watched kids for first time today for an hour and a half. First time dh and I got yo do anything other than referee and entertain. This vacation is way too long - ESP since no one seems to understand I deserve a break, too. I'm now lying in bed, telling them I don't feel well.

How did she and the kids fare?

Op here. I have no idea. Thankfully, she didn't take them to the pool - I told her not to; she's terrible at supervision at a pool - in her house, she's totally anal retentive bc nothing must get touched or harmed, but at the pool, she thinks she can do laps and watch my non-swimming 4 year old at the same time. So they stayed home.

But I'm pissed at DH now... He just doesn't acknowledge that it's a sacrifice for me to take all this time and come here and then do all the f-ing kid work and all the shit and not get anything out of it... I had made reservations at a nice restaurant for just the two of us, but he insisted on 9:30 bc, of course, we can't trouble his mother to put them to bed, and of course, at 8, he says he's tired and to cancel the reservations. I don't know any more ways to tell him I need my battery re-charged and spending more time with crazy mil isn't going to do it.

I would plan any serious talk about this for after the vacation and once thing s have settled. You're probably both too deep in it now to make it productive.