Mary Kay Bday party for 11 yr old girl?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I am glad this isn't a trend.

The whole thing blew up via email. I mentioned this to a mom I am friends with yesterday and asked if she had read the email/got the call. She had not but I guess went home read the email and figured it out and then fired off an angry email late last night to pretty much the whole grade about soliciting business at little kid parties and how wrong this was, etc. I didn't expect her to go off like that and I wish I had said nothing. Then again when she figured it out, she likely would have had the same reaction. Lots of emails back and forth with plenty of parents upset. It seems like a lot of girls won't be attending. The mom hosting fired back via email and was pretty nasty in her replies.

Bottom line - our DD is not going and I simply sent a thanks for the invite but dd can't make it and told my DD we made other plans that day. She seemed ok with it and I said if she really wanted to do a make over we could do something over the summer.

I feel so sorry for the mom and the little girl. It was a not a good concept, but no one had the decency to call the mom and say "hey debbie, I am getting the feeling that a lot of the parents, me included, feel uncomfortable with the whole sales aspect of the party. All the girls love Larla and really want to celebrate her b-day with her. Is there any way to skip the sales aspect and just stick with some age appropriate makeover ideas and other activities? I don't want this to blow up on you, but the sales aspect was a big surprise, considering the b-day context".
Seriously, it was more important to get all morally superior instead of taking the high road and reaching out and now this girls party is fucked up because folks could not respond with grace instead of indignation. !!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel terrible for the little girl. Hope some of these moms invite her over for a playdate.
And, honestly, while the bday mom clearly fouled up majorly, I can't 100% blame her for getting nasty after the other mom called her out in an email to the entire grade. I don't think that sort of public humiliation was necessary.

I totally agree with this.

The parents of the other kids have no real idea if the birthday girl's mom was truly "in on it" and part of some nefarious sales plot, or if she just naively caved in to an overbearing, boundary-free sister who pushed the makeover party idea on her, or worse, offered a cute idea for a party to mom and mom didn't realize aunt was going to push products for sale. People just can't know, yet want to assume the worst. And a kid pays for it.

So ugly that one mom had to fire off a nasty e-mail. Even if the birthday mom was nasty in reply, the ugliness was started by that mom who saw fit to slam her to everyone[i] in a form easy to pass along and keep the drama alive -- the low road, for sure.

These girls are old enough that they are all going to pick up on this, including the birthday girl. She is either going to be furious with all her friends or she's going to be crushed and feel like she's been made a fool of...by her mom, her aunt, her friends and their parents.

Those other moms are worse than the host mom. My DD would not buy MK or wear makeup, but I could send her to the party with strict instructions to do neither.
What a bunch of witches!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, please post one of the replies from the mother. I have to know how she defended this craziness.

I can't bring myself to post them verbatim but basically my mom friend fired off an email that said to the effect please don't send out invites to a kids bday party that are really home sale parties. Then went on to talk about how rude, disrespectful and wrong this was. Follow up emails from other parents started and they said how this was a terrible thing and shameful, some said they would never send their kid to such a party, how terrible home party sales were, which companies were really bad and why they were bad and then how terrible the parents were to exploit children.

The host mom then sent an email about how she was just tying to give her DD a fun bday party and no one was obligated to buy anything. This went back and forth with parents pointing out that there would be pressure to buy. Then host mom said she thought it was terrible that everyone was sitting on their "f*ing pedestals" and passing judgement on her and her family and how her sister had fallen on hard times and wouldn't anyone do the same to help a family member by hosting a party to help her start her business, how upset her DD was and was hiding in her room, and how people go to hell for acting this way, and also threw in some more F bombs here and there and then lastly mentioned a couple moms by name who had been pretty mean in their emails that if they had a problem with her that she was free to meet up with her outside at drop off in the morning. So far no showdown has occurred though.

Host mom sounds like a real piece of work. In one breath, she says no one is obligated to buy anything and in the next she gives a sob story about her sister having fallen on hard time. You can't have it both ways lady, obviously there was going to be some pressure to buy.

While I probably would have taken a passive aggressive approach myself, because I'm awful like that (Hi Jane, I'm confused and just want to make sure everything is clear - is this a party where Mary Kay items will be sold? Are we supposed to send our girls to the birthday party with money to buy from your sister? Thanks for clarifying.) - I do not agree with those who are down on the mom that called her out. Host Mom was pretty underhanded about this, and maybe we need a little bit more calling out when people act atrociously. Maybe people would think twice if they knew they might get some blowback from violating social norms.

Host Mom offering to fight after drop-off is priceless. Clearly shows you what kind of person you're dealing with.

Host mom was shamed and humiliated and what those other moms did was way tackier than what host mom did with the party. Sheesh -- not one person was kind enough to reach out to her and tell her it may not be a good idea, but no one wasted a chance to put her in check. Model Fucking Citizens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She SHOULD be ashamed. She didn't have the good sense to be ashamed on her own, so her social group stepped in and did it for her. That's what living in a society does, it imparts values and rules (formal and informal) on you. When you step out of line on them, there are consequences.

you need Jesus!

[Anonymous]

The host mom committed a social faux pas!
The other moms committed a giant moral lapse.

[Anonymous]

and you lot are all judging them all so what does that say about you?

i was thinking about what I'd do in this situation. I'd probably just suck it up and send Larla with some money and chalk it up to experience but be on guard for any other invites from the family/make an excuse next time. Anything for peace...

[Anonymous]

OP, do you mind mentioning where this took place (roughly)? Maybe just the county? This is rough stuff with all those moms flaming the other mom, and I'd like to make sure that when we're house-hunting this summer, it isn't in this community. Awful.

I really feel for that poor little girl. Her birthday is ruined, her mom is so upset, her aunt co-opted her party to push makeup, and her friends' moms are a bunch of bullies who just publicly degraded her mother out of manufactured outrage and some perverted sense of "justice."

The most that was warranted here was some private eye-rolling, a polite declining of the invitation, a gift for the innocent birthday girl, and...that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, please post one of the replies from the mother. I have to know how she defended this craziness.

I can't bring myself to post them verbatim but basically my mom friend fired off an email that said to the effect please don't send out invites to a kids bday party that are really home sale parties. Then went on to talk about how rude, disrespectful and wrong this was. Follow up emails from other parents started and they said how this was a terrible thing and shameful, some said they would never send their kid to such a party, how terrible home party sales were, which companies were really bad and why they were bad and then how terrible the parents were to exploit children.

The host mom then sent an email about how she was just tying to give her DD a fun bday party and no one was obligated to buy anything. This went back and forth with parents pointing out that there would be pressure to buy. Then host mom said she thought it was terrible that everyone was sitting on their "f*ing pedestals" and passing judgement on her and her family and how her sister had fallen on hard times and wouldn't anyone do the same to help a family member by hosting a party to help her start her business, how upset her DD was and was hiding in her room, and how people go to hell for acting this way, and also threw in some more F bombs here and there and then lastly mentioned a couple moms by name who had been pretty mean in their emails that if they had a problem with her that she was free to meet up with her outside at drop off in the morning. So far no showdown has occurred though.

OK, so this seals the deal for me. Clearly, the party host and her sister were hoping to make some money, and NOT just trying to have a fun birthday party.

I almost felt bad for the mom there for a second. Had her intent been just to throw a makeover party, with some goodie bags for sale...bad, but maybe forgivable.

I think the worst part about these parties is that the seller pushes her wares by reminding everybody that the host (your friend, sister, relative) gets extra loot if you buy more, more, more AND even more discounts if one of you agrees to host another party. Don't you want to do that for your good dear friend? AND if you host a party, you get awesome discounts, but wait, if you pressure YOUR friends into buying more, and hosting a party, YOU get even more loot! Isn't this so fun? Ugh. I cannot imagine that type of sale to a bunch of 11 year old girls. I know a 20-year-old who agreed to a stupid jewelry party because she was immature and naive, and felt too guilty to say no. (Her mom is my friend, and was the one who wound up doing most of the work to host the party, just begging people to come so it wouldn't be a total disaster.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She SHOULD be ashamed. She didn't have the good sense to be ashamed on her own, so her social group stepped in and did it for her. That's what living in a society does, it imparts values and rules (formal and informal) on you. When you step out of line on them, there are consequences.

you need Jesus!

Yeah, Jesus/God definitely never shamed anyone or punished them.

Whenever anyone says WWJD, remember that flipping tables and chasing people with a whip is within the realm of possibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She SHOULD be ashamed. She didn't have the good sense to be ashamed on her own, so her social group stepped in and did it for her. That's what living in a society does, it imparts values and rules (formal and informal) on you. When you step out of line on them, there are consequences.

you need Jesus!

Yeah, Jesus/God definitely never shamed anyone or punished them.

Whenever anyone says WWJD, remember that flipping tables and chasing people with a whip is within the realm of possibilities.

The Bible doesn't say WWJD, so there's that. Also, you might want to read what he says about showing Grace and Mercy. Also, you might want to study what His dying on the cross meant for us. Sheesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, please post one of the replies from the mother. I have to know how she defended this craziness.

I can't bring myself to post them verbatim but basically my mom friend fired off an email that said to the effect please don't send out invites to a kids bday party that are really home sale parties. Then went on to talk about how rude, disrespectful and wrong this was. Follow up emails from other parents started and they said how this was a terrible thing and shameful, some said they would never send their kid to such a party, how terrible home party sales were, which companies were really bad and why they were bad and then how terrible the parents were to exploit children.

The host mom then sent an email about how she was just tying to give her DD a fun bday party and no one was obligated to buy anything. This went back and forth with parents pointing out that there would be pressure to buy. Then host mom said she thought it was terrible that everyone was sitting on their "f*ing pedestals" and passing judgement on her and her family and how her sister had fallen on hard times and wouldn't anyone do the same to help a family member by hosting a party to help her start her business, how upset her DD was and was hiding in her room, and how people go to hell for acting this way, and also threw in some more F bombs here and there and then lastly mentioned a couple moms by name who had been pretty mean in their emails that if they had a problem with her that she was free to meet up with her outside at drop off in the morning. So far no showdown has occurred though.

OK, so this seals the deal for me. Clearly, the party host and her sister were hoping to make some money, and NOT just trying to have a fun birthday party.

I almost felt bad for the mom there for a second. Had her intent been just to throw a makeover party, with some goodie bags for sale...bad, but maybe forgivable.

I think the worst part about these parties is that the seller pushes her wares by reminding everybody that the host (your friend, sister, relative) gets extra loot if you buy more, more, more AND even more discounts if one of you agrees to host another party. Don't you want to do that for your good dear friend? AND if you host a party, you get awesome discounts, but wait, if you pressure YOUR friends into buying more, and hosting a party, YOU get even more loot! Isn't this so fun? Ugh. I cannot imagine that type of sale to a bunch of 11 year old girls. I know a 20-year-old who agreed to a stupid jewelry party because she was immature and naive, and felt too guilty to say no. (Her mom is my friend, and was the one who wound up doing most of the work to host the party, just begging people to come so it wouldn't be a total disaster.)

Had you even thought that maybe the mom said this out of frustration after being backed into a corner by the bully moms? The party idea was a bad idea, it was not a crime, it was in poor taste, but that possibly could have been rectified and changed if someone had just been kind and considerate enough to reach out to her. But hey why do that when you can degrade and humiliate the mom at the daughter's expense. WAY TO FUCKING GO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and you lot are all judging them all so what does that say about you?

i was thinking about what I'd do in this situation. I'd probably just suck it up and send Larla with some money and chalk it up to experience but be on guard for any other invites from the family/make an excuse next time. Anything for peace...

1) Who said anything about judging?

2) It's not a matter of judging, it's a matter of how you demonstrate the judgement you have made

3) I think the party idea was tacky, but what the moms did was MEAN and way worse than having a piss poor party idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, please post one of the replies from the mother. I have to know how she defended this craziness.

I can't bring myself to post them verbatim but basically my mom friend fired off an email that said to the effect please don't send out invites to a kids bday party that are really home sale parties. Then went on to talk about how rude, disrespectful and wrong this was. Follow up emails from other parents started and they said how this was a terrible thing and shameful, some said they would never send their kid to such a party, how terrible home party sales were, which companies were really bad and why they were bad and then how terrible the parents were to exploit children.

The host mom then sent an email about how she was just tying to give her DD a fun bday party and no one was obligated to buy anything. This went back and forth with parents pointing out that there would be pressure to buy. Then host mom said she thought it was terrible that everyone was sitting on their "f*ing pedestals" and passing judgement on her and her family and how her sister had fallen on hard times and wouldn't anyone do the same to help a family member by hosting a party to help her start her business, how upset her DD was and was hiding in her room, and how people go to hell for acting this way, and also threw in some more F bombs here and there and then lastly mentioned a couple moms by name who had been pretty mean in their emails that if they had a problem with her that she was free to meet up with her outside at drop off in the morning. So far no showdown has occurred though.

OK, so this seals the deal for me. Clearly, the party host and her sister were hoping to make some money, and NOT just trying to have a fun birthday party.

I almost felt bad for the mom there for a second. Had her intent been just to throw a makeover party, with some goodie bags for sale...bad, but maybe forgivable.

I think the worst part about these parties is that the seller pushes her wares by reminding everybody that the host (your friend, sister, relative) gets extra loot if you buy more, more, more AND even more discounts if one of you agrees to host another party. Don't you want to do that for your good dear friend? AND if you host a party, you get awesome discounts, but wait, if you pressure YOUR friends into buying more, and hosting a party, YOU get even more loot! Isn't this so fun? Ugh. I cannot imagine that type of sale to a bunch of 11 year old girls. I know a 20-year-old who agreed to a stupid jewelry party because she was immature and naive, and felt too guilty to say no. (Her mom is my friend, and was the one who wound up doing most of the work to host the party, just begging people to come so it wouldn't be a total disaster.)

Had you even thought that maybe the mom said this out of frustration after being backed into a corner by the bully moms? The party idea was a bad idea, it was not a crime, it was in poor taste, but that possibly could have been rectified and changed if someone had just been kind and considerate enough to reach out to her. But hey why do that when you can degrade and humiliate the mom at the daughter's expense. WAY TO FUCKING GO!

I agree that it likely could have been handled better and that the host mom did likely end up feeling backed into a corner but a big part of issue was that many of the invitees simply weren't friend's with the birthday girl. They know her from school but they aren't really friends with her. I think too many of the parents who were responding negatively via emails were parents who didn't know the child or the parents and ended up feeling like it was not really a true invitation.

Someone else asked why 11 yr olds would need make up. The goodie bags were mostly made up of skin care products, lotions and lip glosses and nail care stuff so it didn't seem like they would be doing any kind of actual make up. Still my DD is just too young to be really interested in that kind of thing yet so I don't feel she needs a full line of Mary Kay products.My DD aid there was a lot of talk about the party at school and the birthday girl got quite upset and so she felt bad for her and told her that she was going to ask me again in case she might able to go. A lot of girls were saying they wouldn't go and then some boys got in to the picture and started teasing that they were going to go and the poor girl ended up in tears. Just terrible. Hopefully at least the birthday girl's closest friends will still be going to the party so it's not a total bust.

[Anonymous]

the moral of this story is:

don't use your tween neice & friends as bait for your MLM party.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Did this all take place in our area or another state.

I like the idea of the party for tweens to teach them the corect way to wash their face, moisturize with sunscreen, apply light make-up (lip goss), etc. I also agree that the mom should have purchased one item for each girl to take home. It could be a face wash, moistrizer, or light lip gloss. Unfortunately, the whole situation was handled poorly.