"School comes first in our family"

[Anonymous]

Different families have different emphases. We are into music and languages more than sports, outside of academics. To each their own. But I can imagine hearing about sport all the time when you're not a sport focused family, must be a bit of a drag.

Though for your friend to say that to you is pretty rude I think. She is either insensitive or has had enough. I agree with others who suggest you talk about other things with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Asian American and honestly I don't get the extreme emphasis that many white American parents put on their kids to do well in sports, sometimes to the detriment of academics. Also I think it's ironic that the kid is in tip top shape and the parents are often overweight and out of shape?! Anyways, to each his own!

Ha ha - exactly. You know that most young athletes in this country grow up to be overweight: that's because they exercised for a few years, but were never taught how to eat properly. So in the end, I completely refute the statement that travel sports should be encouraged for the sake of physical fitness. No, for that you should teach your child to eat the right portions and enjoy walking and the outdoors - not one sport particularly, especially one that requires a team plus endless accoutrements. They won't play that anymore, when they're busy dads in the suburbs with incipient heart attacks.

Education, on the other hand, will matter more and more as globalization makes high-achieving students from all over the world take the top spots everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Asian American and honestly I don't get the extreme emphasis that many white American parents put on their kids to do well in sports, sometimes to the detriment of academics. Also I think it's ironic that the kid is in tip top shape and the parents are often overweight and out of shape?! Anyways, to each his own!

Ha ha - exactly. You know that most young athletes in this country grow up to be overweight: that's because they exercised for a few years, but were never taught how to eat properly. So in the end, I completely refute the statement that travel sports should be encouraged for the sake of physical fitness. No, for that you should teach your child to eat the right portions and enjoy walking and the outdoors - not one sport particularly, especially one that requires a team plus endless accoutrements. They won't play that anymore, when they're busy dads in the suburbs with incipient heart attacks.

Education, on the other hand, will matter more and more as globalization makes high-achieving students from all over the world take the top spots everywhere.

You can do both. Sports teaches you how to deal with people and solve problems in quick timing.
My nephew is currently an engineer traveling back and forth to germany and he went to college on a football scholarship.
I know many smart people (my DS included) who have no people skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Asian American and honestly I don't get the extreme emphasis that many white American parents put on their kids to do well in sports, sometimes to the detriment of academics. Also I think it's ironic that the kid is in tip top shape and the parents are often overweight and out of shape?! Anyways, to each his own!

Ha ha - exactly. You know that most young athletes in this country grow up to be overweight: that's because they exercised for a few years, but were never taught how to eat properly. So in the end, I completely refute the statement that travel sports should be encouraged for the sake of physical fitness. No, for that you should teach your child to eat the right portions and enjoy walking and the outdoors - not one sport particularly, especially one that requires a team plus endless accoutrements. They won't play that anymore, when they're busy dads in the suburbs with incipient heart attacks.

Education, on the other hand, will matter more and more as globalization makes high-achieving students from all over the world take the top spots everywhere.

You can do both. Sports teaches you how to deal with people and solve problems in quick timing.
My nephew is currently an engineer traveling back and forth to germany and he went to college on a football scholarship.
I know many smart people (my DS included) who have no people skills.

I agree that team sports are an interesting social exercise. However, many parents here think it is the only way to teach team spirit and social skills. They happily ignore other non-sporting clubs and teams, robotics, chess, math, reading groups, drama troupes, orchestra and choir.
As for some people not having people skills, like with all things, there is a range. My DS is at the bottom of that range too - no amount of socializing in a team will make him into a social butterfly. He is part of teams he enjoys, not sports, and gets as much social exposure as we can manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Asian American and honestly I don't get the extreme emphasis that many white American parents put on their kids to do well in sports, sometimes to the detriment of academics. Also I think it's ironic that the kid is in tip top shape and the parents are often overweight and out of shape?! Anyways, to each his own!

Ha ha - exactly. You know that most young athletes in this country grow up to be overweight: that's because they exercised for a few years, but were never taught how to eat properly. So in the end, I completely refute the statement that travel sports should be encouraged for the sake of physical fitness. No, for that you should teach your child to eat the right portions and enjoy walking and the outdoors - not one sport particularly, especially one that requires a team plus endless accoutrements. They won't play that anymore, when they're busy dads in the suburbs with incipient heart attacks.

Education, on the other hand, will matter more and more as globalization makes high-achieving students from all over the world take the top spots everywhere.

You can do both. Sports teaches you how to deal with people and solve problems in quick timing.
My nephew is currently an engineer traveling back and forth to germany and he went to college on a football scholarship.
I know many smart people (my DS included) who have no people skills.

I agree that team sports are an interesting social exercise. However, many parents here think it is the only way to teach team spirit and social skills. They happily ignore other non-sporting clubs and teams, robotics, chess, math, reading groups, drama troupes, orchestra and choir.
As for some people not having people skills, like with all things, there is a range. My DS is at the bottom of that range too - no amount of socializing in a team will make him into a social butterfly. He is part of teams he enjoys, not sports, and gets as much social exposure as we can manage.

People skills have nothing to do with being a social butterfly.
I know introverts with great people skills.
I also know a few exroverts with really bad people skills (just because they like people doesn't mean they know how to treat them)

It goes back to the old say - the A students have good jobs, the B student are the bosses and the C students own the company.
I've seen it enough in my professional life.
School alone does not make happy well adjusted kids.
I like the person who said ask where God and family rank and open a bottle of wine.

[Anonymous]

My experience. The Ivy League grads had good but not the top jobs in the several places I've worked. The state school or similar with driven personalities and good people skills had the very top jobs and almost always the CEO job. True in my own family. I'm a reasonably successful now SAHM from top schools, my husband went to a school no one has heard of, no grad school, is very smart in his own way and personable and makes 1.5m a year. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you good friends with your travel team families?

My cousin, aka - "Jr" (much younger than me) was big into sports, and did all sorts of travel teams growing up, and went on to play at a public ivy. His mom was a teacher and his dad was golden parachuted/consulted and stayed home (second marriage for him). So education was important.

When Dad died and Jr was still in college his WHOLE travel baseball team from when he was 12 year old showed up at the funeral and wake. Parents and "kids" (they were in their early 20s at this point). I'm not a sports person, but seeing the "team family" show up made me get why some people are into sports.

Yes there were some kids from his high school and college teams, but the WHOLE team from his youth travel team was there. Isn't being able to support people the reason why we are here on earth?

If my husband were to pass, I don't think the middle school AAP cohort would show up.

Op here. Yes we are and it is a bond to spend this kind of time together, stay in hotels, etc. for my son its a great group of friends outside of school which can be nice on several levels. Nice story BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your friend's son a good athlete? People tend to place a higher importance on the things their own kids are good at. If her child is not terribly athletic, she might want to change the subject to an area in which he is more successful when the conversation turns to athletics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your friend's son a good athlete? People tend to place a higher importance on the things their own kids are good at. If her child is not terribly athletic, she might want to change the subject to an area in which he is more successful when the conversation turns to athletics.

exactly!!! Her low self esteem is coming through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family comes first in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your friend's son a good athlete? People tend to place a higher importance on the things their own kids are good at. If her child is not terribly athletic, she might want to change the subject to an area in which he is more successful when the conversation turns to athletics.

exactly!!! Her low self esteem is coming through.

Yeah, this sounds like an insecurity issue. She's justifying her choices or masking her envy. My kids are average - never going to be in the upper half of their classes, probably not going to make a varsity sports team. That doesn't mean they won't develop a love of learning or love of sports. They don't need to be the best. They need to be able to learn, enjoy learning, have fun and have balance.

[Anonymous]

I never assume my kids are interesting to anyone else. If people ask, I'll answer. However, I don't volunteer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who says things like this a lot. It bugs me, as it usually is in connection with my son's sports. He's a good athlete and he loves to be active in sports. He is also a good student, not straight A but very good. He is bright, personable and well rounded. While he may not be Ivy League material, I could care less and am pretty confident that he will do well in his life. I will mention a tournament or such to my friend and she will say "I don't know how you do it, school is so important to us and comes first" and "Wouldn't it be better if he focused more on school, etc." How would you respond. Unfortunately, this is getting under my skin, even though I know it shouldn't. In all honesty, school is very important, as is work, but I would never say it comes first! We believe, but I don't go around saying it to everyone that our values are: family, being a good person/living ethically, working hard at your obligations and interests (obviously includes school and sports and whatever else), friendship and downtime to chill and relax. I guess what bugs me is that I think if my son was a concert violinist or an artist or something like that she wouldn't make these comments, it's the sports thing. Unfortunately, this same friend does not allow electronics in her home and I get judgement on that front too. To each his own, but I don't like feeling judged I guess. Advice welcome!

Why don't you say, "my children are very good students already, and in our household, health is just as important as academics."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Asian American and honestly I don't get the extreme emphasis that many white American parents put on their kids to do well in sports, sometimes to the detriment of academics. Also I think it's ironic that the kid is in tip top shape and the parents are often overweight and out of shape?! Anyways, to each his own!

Ha ha - exactly. You know that most young athletes in this country grow up to be overweight: that's because they exercised for a few years, but were never taught how to eat properly. So in the end, I completely refute the statement that travel sports should be encouraged for the sake of physical fitness. No, for that you should teach your child to eat the right portions and enjoy walking and the outdoors - not one sport particularly, especially one that requires a team plus endless accoutrements. They won't play that anymore, when they're busy dads in the suburbs with incipient heart attacks.

Education, on the other hand, will matter more and more as globalization makes high-achieving students from all over the world take the top spots everywhere.

You sound downright gleeful ("ha ha") that people have health problems as they age because they dared to want to participate in an activity that took time away from learning to "enjoy walking and the outdoors". That's such a negative and shitty attitude.

I believe that you don't have to choose between one thing or another. You can be well rounded. I think most people are. Certainly most of the good students I grew up with were also involved in outside activities and sometimes at high levels because they came from supportive families. There was no one in my top 10% of the HS class who didn't also have at least 2 or so interests, many of which were sports, that they were known to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Asian American and honestly I don't get the extreme emphasis that many white American parents put on their kids to do well in sports, sometimes to the detriment of academics. Also I think it's ironic that the kid is in tip top shape and the parents are often overweight and out of shape?! Anyways, to each his own!

Ha ha - exactly. You know that most young athletes in this country grow up to be overweight: that's because they exercised for a few years, but were never taught how to eat properly. So in the end, I completely refute the statement that travel sports should be encouraged for the sake of physical fitness. No, for that you should teach your child to eat the right portions and enjoy walking and the outdoors - not one sport particularly, especially one that requires a team plus endless accoutrements. They won't play that anymore, when they're busy dads in the suburbs with incipient heart attacks.

Education, on the other hand, will matter more and more as globalization makes high-achieving students from all over the world take the top spots everywhere.


Ridiculous. The dads I know, including my DJ, are quite successful and fit- play tennis, golf, work out with a train we, eat well, etc. as are their wives and children. It's a certain demographic I guess but I'm not going to apologize for it and yes our kids attend a top private school, play competitive level sports, play violin and one is a great artist and one is in all the musicals , above average students.

You sound downright gleeful ("ha ha") that people have health problems as they age because they dared to want to participate in an activity that took time away from learning to "enjoy walking and the outdoors". That's such a negative and shitty attitude.

I believe that you don't have to choose between one thing or another. You can be well rounded. I think most people are. Certainly most of the good students I grew up with were also involved in outside activities and sometimes at high levels because they came from supportive families. There was no one in my top 10% of the HS class who didn't also have at least 2 or so interests, many of which were sports, that they were known to have.