"School comes first in our family"
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Anonymous
| I have a friend who says things like this a lot. It bugs me, as it usually is in connection with my son's sports. He's a good athlete and he loves to be active in sports. He is also a good student, not straight A but very good. He is bright, personable and well rounded. While he may not be Ivy League material, I could care less and am pretty confident that he will do well in his life. I will mention a tournament or such to my friend and she will say "I don't know how you do it, school is so important to us and comes first" and "Wouldn't it be better if he focused more on school, etc." How would you respond. Unfortunately, this is getting under my skin, even though I know it shouldn't. In all honesty, school is very important, as is work, but I would never say it comes first! We believe, but I don't go around saying it to everyone that our values are: family, being a good person/living ethically, working hard at your obligations and interests (obviously includes school and sports and whatever else), friendship and downtime to chill and relax. I guess what bugs me is that I think if my son was a concert violinist or an artist or something like that she wouldn't make these comments, it's the sports thing. Unfortunately, this same friend does not allow electronics in her home and I get judgement on that front too. To each his own, but I don't like feeling judged I guess. Advice welcome! |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you are being judged. Do you want to keep her as a friend? If so I'd take her aside and say "look, it seems we have slightly different approaches to parenting. It hurts me when you comment in a negative way on how we are raising our kid. It feels judgmental. Can we not do that?" |
Anonymous
| Good advice! |
Anonymous
| I have been on the receiving end of these types of comments as my kids are in multiple travel sports which as you know is a logistical nightmare but worth it, at least for our family. I have responded in a self deprecating way that we are considering home school so we have more time for sports. And then move on. |
Anonymous
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I would simply point out that evidence shows that athletes do better in school.
It also demonstrates to (future) colleges that you have a more “well-rounded” kid. http://news.ku.edu/2014/01/15/study-shows-high-school-athletes-performed-better-school-persisted-graduation-more-non |
Anonymous
Stop talking about your kids sports so much. Probably the two of you should talk a lot less about your kids or not be friends. |
Anonymous
I don't talk about my kid's sports very much-- only in the "what do you have going on this week" kind of thing. I think it is hard to be a mom friend and not talk about your kids, but I see where you are coming from. I think you should be able to talk to a good friend about anything, it would be strange to me to have a part of our life off limits. May be this friendship is just not meant to be. I do find myself gravitating toward moms from the teams and others who share similar views. I guess that is natural. |
Anonymous
OK I kind of like this 
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Anonymous
+1 OP, you probably talk about this more than you think you do. You "mention" your son's tournaments... how often? Look for a post in a couple of days from someone saying "I am so annoyed with my friend. Her son is great at sports and mine is not. Fine. But she talks about it incessantly. All I can think to say is, 'well, we try to focus on school." |
Anonymous
| OP here. Yes, we do travel too. I get why some people would never do travel sports, but by child really loves it and we enjoy it too. I guess I am not big on judging how people spend their time. Now, if I was saying my son is struggling in school and I am really concerned but we are sticking with our travel team no matter what, then I could see a friend weighing in that I might want to rethink that equation. But even then, I would tread carefully if it were my friend in that situation. Families have to figure our their own situations. |
Anonymous
Some moms misunderstand what "well rounded" means, to their detriment. |
Anonymous
Fair point. And not to be defensive, but honestly, if she asks what we did this weekend I am not going to lie! I rarely bring up on its own. To her credit, she knows it is a big part of my son's life so will ask "How is XXX going for XXX?" |
Anonymous
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Is your friend's son a good athlete? People tend to place a higher importance on the things their own kids are good at. If her child is not terribly athletic, she might want to change the subject to an area in which he is more successful when the conversation turns to athletics.
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Anonymous
what do you mean? School is not the only important thing in life people! I think the over focus comes from insecurity. I have A/B students. They will go to decent schools. They are both terrible test takers. Both have anxiety and I try very hard to put the whole school, grades thing in perspective for them. They are also both very intelligent, interesting people with a lot of varied interests and friends. I am not worried about them in the long run at all. Most importantly, they are really good people that I enjoy being around and that others notice for their personalities and character. This matters so much more to me than anything else. And FWIW, my husband and I were good but not amazing students and did very well in our careers and in life. This area is really screwy on this front, and I am doing all I can to put it in perspective for my kids. |
Anonymous
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Americans are hyper-focused on sports. Which is fine, if like OP's family, you love sports and accept that you are missing out on other opportunities. The truth is that you can't do everything in life, so you should do what makes you happy and a reasonably productive member of society. I come from a family and culture that emphasizes academics above all else, to a sometimes unhealthy degree. It's great to get into the best college and for bragging rights within our community, but it's certainly not a guarantee of happiness compared to other paths in life. My point is that you should ignore such comments, OP. Focus on your friend's good points. |