"School comes first in our family"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well she has good values and you don't. She's trying to clue you in to what's really important. If you don't want to hear that you should seek out another friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply point out that evidence shows that athletes do better in school.
It also demonstrates to (future) colleges that you have a more “well-rounded” kid.

http://news.ku.edu/2014/01/15/study-shows-high-school-athletes-performed-better-school-persisted-graduation-more-non

That's a pretty obnoxious way to phrase it. By saying that "athletes do better in school," you are being just as judgmental and critical as the other mom is being. That comment is going to grate on the friend as much as the friend's comments grate on OP.

A better way is to say "Johnny shows an aptitude and interest in football, so we encourage him to be more well-rounded." Optionally you can include "Some college admissions value that." This comes across more that you are doing what works best for your child as an individual, rather than a more sweeping generalization that might include her child.

I am the pp. I would agree that it would be obnoxious to phrase it that way. And, I wouldn’t either. Just wanted to point out that research indicates that kids involved in athletics do well in school. So do kids who have jobs.
I would probably say something like, “We value education as well. We also value athletics since research shows that athletes do quite well academically. Finding the balance is the key. Thanks for your thoughts.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well she has good values and you don't. She's trying to clue you in to what's really important. If you don't want to hear that you should seek out another friend.

I am a confirmed anti-sports nerd, but - wow.

[Anonymous]

I would respond with, we have found the right balance for us.

Though your friend may not be judging as much as questioning her own choices. I know that I am guilty of saying something that could come off as being judgmental but in reality I am wondering if the other person made a better choice than I have or would because their child seems great.

In this case, I am genuinely interested in whether, in retrospect, you think that you made the correct decision to allow time to be spent on travel sports as opposed to other activities, including just studying.

From my perspective, and I know I am looking at this from a straight economics time value perspective, if your child does not appear the aptitude to play a sport or musical instrument professionally, would that time be better spent studying? I am interested because, not having played organized sports, I don't have experience in how they could be of such benefit that a significant amount of time should be devoted to them. My priorities could be wrong. I don't know.

What I do know is that I want my child to have a happier more rounded childhood than I had, but I don't want to go overboard. I just don't know where the line for going overboard is.

[Anonymous]

It is possible for school to come first while kids participate in other healthy and worthwhile activities, also. Is she saying that school should be the only thing kids do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend (she is religious) made a similar statement so I said. I though God came first.

She said, "Of course, God then School"
I said, "How about family? Before or after school?"
She said, "Of course, God then family then school. But school before athletics"
I said, "What about emotional well being?" "Does that come before or after school?"
She said, "Okay, I get it school does not come first".

Then we drank wine... but she is my real friend not a stranger making a rude comment. Her comment is rude and based on the fact she is pissed that a B student will get into the same school with athletics that her child will need an A+ to get into. She is insecure.

"God, Country, Notre Dame."

[Anonymous]

The good person, happy person, productive person is what I care about most. Part of achieving that means I highly values school. But why can't a kid have a passion for a hobby? In this case sports?

I can see if his grades went from Bs to Ds, you might have to figure out a different mix of school and sports, but if that's not happening, a person's joy matters, too. If your son loves something, and you can encourage this passion, it sounds like a wonderful thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend (she is religious) made a similar statement so I said. I though God came first.

She said, "Of course, God then School"
I said, "How about family? Before or after school?"
She said, "Of course, God then family then school. But school before athletics"
I said, "What about emotional well being?" "Does that come before or after school?"
She said, "Okay, I get it school does not come first".

Then we drank wine... but she is my real friend not a stranger making a rude comment. Her comment is rude and based on the fact she is pissed that a B student will get into the same school with athletics that her child will need an A+ to get into. She is insecure.

Getting in with an athletic scholarship or requirement to play on a team in college comes with its own issues.

[Anonymous]

Your friend sounds judgy and insecure (pretty much the same thing). Yes, school is very important, but it is not all of life. You just keep doing what you are doing OP and loosen ties with this type A person. You'll see, in high school her kids will be depressed/anxious and start rebelling.

[Anonymous]

"In our family ..." is dog whistle for judge-y and probably insecure. Avoid these people at all costs.

[Anonymous]

You are nice, after the first few times of hearing this, I'd be more inclined to give any of the following responses:

Silent Icy glare

"Are you implying that school is not important to us, I'm just wondering because you have said this a number of times"

"And" (followed by silent icy glare)

"Good thing Johnny is multitalented and can do a lot of these well"

"Well, we don't put much stock in book learnin'"

"Well, that was obnoxious"

"Your point"


"Yep, he's smart and athletic"

[Anonymous]

Pretty much every kid I knew who had a parent like this rebelled at some point because their parents were so overly controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would simply point out that evidence shows that athletes do better in school.
It also demonstrates to (future) colleges that you have a more “well-rounded” kid.

http://news.ku.edu/2014/01/15/study-shows-high-school-athletes-performed-better-school-persisted-graduation-more-non

Then her cattiness would match the other mom's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would simply point out that evidence shows that athletes do better in school.
It also demonstrates to (future) colleges that you have a more “well-rounded” kid.

http://news.ku.edu/2014/01/15/study-shows-high-school-athletes-performed-better-school-persisted-graduation-more-non

This response is as annoying and defensive as the original comment.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I wouldn't get in a tit for tat argument as highlighted by the inclusion of the article, which I read differently than the person that posted it (OP here). My view is I hope all of our kids can be reasonably good students, but also have lives outside of school. I don't care what that entails, but something. It could be you love to read and play with your dog for all I care. I just think it's too stressful around here and people have a hard time with perspective, but I guess that is me being "judging" too!