Envious of my daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am that girl that gets stared at everywhere she goes and all I can tell you OP is that there are bad parts.

The crappiest being the weird jealousy thing that often seems to come out in female friendships. Even my relationship with my mom to some extent, and my siblings.

Not to mention no one really wants to be stared at when they're just trying to buy tampons from CVS, get some potato chips from the store cause they had a crappy day, whatever.

No one wants to feel vulnerable because they have male eyes on them everywhere they go. No one wants to constantly feel like they stick out like a sore thumb, like they dont fit in, even if they know the stares are for an ostensibly "good thing".

No one wants to get repeatedly hit on by friend's boyfriends, solicited for threesomes by those same boyfriends, and generally treated like some sexual receptacle first and foremost.

THere are advantages, of course. Like knowing if you really like a boy you can get his attention.

But truly, a ton of bad things come along with it. First and foremost being the constant sense that youre somehow "betraying" your female friends and family by just existing, that youre stealing attention from them that you have no desire to take.

pics pls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, just want to thank you for your post. It enlightened me. My mil has issues with envy and jealousy with my dd and also her own daughter, and I didn't understand it before, but now I do. I understand it comes from a place of childhood trauma, of unmet emotional needs, and insecurity. When dd was 2 months old, she constantly said things like, "must be sooo nice for her to have someone tend to her every need" and "she knows exactly how to manipulate her mommy into giving her exactly what she wants." At the time I couldn't fathom how one could think that way or feel jealous of a baby. But I get it now... She had a hellish childhood. She was speaking from a broken place.

It's way way WAY too common a dynamic. It is very good that OP realizes it's not healthy but is brave enough to do something about it. Both OP and her DD will benefit from her willingness to name it and confront it.

I agree, I think OP shows self-awareness, which gives her the opportunity to address the unhealthy way of relating.

As a cautionary tale, my mil was never brave enough to face her own demons though and completely lacked any self-awareness - to the detriment of her own daughter. She was always her daughter's secret saboteur for any kind of recovery, success, or joy. It hit me one day, how incredibly damaging it would be to one's psyche, to not be able to trust that your own mother wants the best for you - it destroys your trust in others, especially other women. They're now estranged, and for the first time in their lives since her daughter cut off all contact, they are both beginning to be emotionally healthy again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very tough time relating to this concept. I'm not accusing you of being a bad person or something, but I just can't ever imagine feeling that way. When something good happens to my children, something good has happened to me. I just don't think I could think about it any other way.

That's exactly how I feel

Same here.

Yep. Nothing could make me happier than my children becoming more confident, content, and self-accepting people than I was, or am.

[Anonymous]

I have two DDs. Both are beautiful. I look at both of them and marvel at how DH and I created such beautiful kids. I'm not envious or jealous of them just amazed that they are so very beautiful. They have great hair and are kind compassionate and very respectful people; just beautiful little people. Even though they are complimented on a regular basis, I tell them often that ugly on the inside negates beauty on the outside.

I'm just so grateful that they are being raised VERY different than DH and I were raised. I am a hot mess that hit the family lotto. I thank the universe everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very tough time relating to this concept. I'm not accusing you of being a bad person or something, but I just can't ever imagine feeling that way. When something good happens to my children, something good has happened to me. I just don't think I could think about it any other way.

That's exactly how I feel

Same here.

Yep. Nothing could make me happier than my children becoming more confident, content, and self-accepting people than I was, or am.

+1000

I can't imagine feeling this way about my own children or other younger women in general. But I was a head turner in my youth. Now I'm invisible but too damn old to care. I have a gorgeous model looks boy but his nanny is very pretty and a head turner. Since I am a year younger than her mom, I always think "more power to her" not envy.

[Anonymous]

As a PP said, think of the alternative. I was told that I was pretty all my life (until I got old - now I'm invisible), was stared at everywhere and had to fight off guys all the time. Anyway, I married DH who, TBH is not a looker. I was hoping that my DD would look more like me, but she looks like a carbon copy of DH. Not one person to date has said that she's cute - not even family. I love her to pieces and think she's adorable at 6, but I do worry sometimes. I'm not saying I want her to go through what I went through because some of it was really crappy, but I am also very aware of the advantages of being attractive.