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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, just want to thank you for your post.  It enlightened me.  My mil has issues with envy and jealousy with my dd and also her own daughter, and I didn't understand it before, but now I do. I understand it comes from a place of childhood trauma, of unmet emotional needs, and insecurity.  When dd was 2 months old, she constantly said things like, "must be sooo nice for her to have someone tend to her every need" and "she knows exactly how to manipulate her mommy into giving her exactly what she wants."  At the time I couldn't fathom how one could think that way or feel jealous of a baby.  But I get it now... She had a hellish childhood. She was speaking from a broken place.[/quote]

It's way way WAY too common a dynamic.  It is very good that OP realizes it's not healthy but is brave enough to do something about it.  Both OP and her DD will benefit from her willingness to name it and confront it.[/quote]

I agree, I think OP shows self-awareness, which gives her the opportunity to address the unhealthy way of relating.

As a cautionary tale, my mil was never brave enough to face her own demons though and completely lacked any self-awareness - to the detriment of her own daughter. She was always her daughter's secret saboteur for any kind of recovery, success, or joy.  It hit me one day, how incredibly damaging it would be to one's psyche, to not be able to trust that your own mother wants the best for you - it destroys your trust in others, especially other women.  They're now estranged, and for the first time in their lives since her daughter cut off all contact, they are both beginning to be emotionally healthy again.   [/quote]

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