So ladies, would you date a virgin?

[Anonymous]

No way. the never even kissed someone is just effing weird. The guy has MAJOR mental/physical hang ups or is gay. He is also going to be terrible. My DH only had three partners, one long term and I wish he has a lot more so he could have actually learned some skills.

[Anonymous]

10:26 here - I think the problem was that my ex was insecure about only having had a few lovers. At one point, I was frustrated with him and suggested that we take a break, he could go out and sleep with a few more women, and then we could date again. I thought his insecurity was silly because I think you can get more and better experience sleeping with one person for a long time vs. sleeping with several people in that time frame. In a new relationship, the newness means you don't have to try new stuff to keep things hot. In a longer relationship, you might get comfortable and explore a bit more.

But as for the virgin at 40? Still a nope. That would point to deep-seated real issues, and a guy like that would be more suited to date a woman who has a similar history.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:26 here - I think the problem was that my ex was insecure about only having had a few lovers. At one point, I was frustrated with him and suggested that we take a break, he could go out and sleep with a few more women, and then we could date again. I thought his insecurity was silly because I think you can get more and better experience sleeping with one person for a long time vs. sleeping with several people in that time frame. In a new relationship, the newness means you don't have to try new stuff to keep things hot. In a longer relationship, you might get comfortable and explore a bit more.

But as for the virgin at 40? Still a nope. That would point to deep-seated real issues, and a guy like that would be more suited to date a woman who has a similar history.

Is there some kind of a score that we need to meet?

[Anonymous]

12:39 - no. Absolutely not. But this ex was self-conscious that at his age (early 30's), he had "only" been with 3 or 4 people. Meanwhile, I thought it was great that his sexual experience came from long-term caring relationships. I would never have even thought to have had a conversation about "numbers" but he brought it up and asked me, and when I told him, he got insecure.

After that I refused to have the "number" conversation with anyone, and that caused problems too. Can we just agree that's a bad conversation to have unless you are asking if you are someone's first?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:26 here - I think the problem was that my ex was insecure about only having had a few lovers. At one point, I was frustrated with him and suggested that we take a break, he could go out and sleep with a few more women, and then we could date again. I thought his insecurity was silly because I think you can get more and better experience sleeping with one person for a long time vs. sleeping with several people in that time frame. In a new relationship, the newness means you don't have to try new stuff to keep things hot. In a longer relationship, you might get comfortable and explore a bit more.

But as for the virgin at 40? Still a nope. That would point to deep-seated real issues, and a guy like that would be more suited to date a woman who has a similar history.

Is there some kind of a score that we need to meet?

Not PP, but lots of people have an idea of how many lovers they would like to have. The number varies for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. Sounds like he has intimacy issues.

Agree. I don't want to fix someone.

[Anonymous]

I will say -- I'll give him points for honesty. I mean -- telling you he's a virgin, sure. But what guy in his late 30s or 40s would admit to never having kissed -- unless he has a tremendously good excuse along the lines of -- I was 600 lb and stuck in my house for the last decade so obviously no one ever saw me let alone found me attractive, but now that I'm out in the real world -- I'm realizing I'm 40 and never been kissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband was a virgin (34yo) when I met him. We have a great relationship, married 8 years now.

Same. Married three years, have two kids. Enjoying life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband was a virgin (34yo) when I met him. We have a great relationship, married 8 years now.

Same. Married three years, have two kids. Enjoying life.

Had sex with one woman before I met my wife. But wife has a husband with a high sex drive that will try anything in bed and is devoted to satisfying her so seems like a good deal for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, absolutely. As long as he wasn't some super religious, or -insert extra weird thing -type of guy . I'd rather have that instead of dating a man whore.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that there would be some major compatibility issues. I wouldn't necessarily look down on a person for being a virgin at 40 but.....20 some years as an adult and you never got around to it? Not even once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, absolutely. As long as he wasn't some super religious, or -insert extra weird thing -type of guy . I'd rather have that instead of dating a man whore.

You don't think it's extra weird to be 35 or 40 without ever having kissed anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, absolutely. As long as he wasn't some super religious, or -insert extra weird thing -type of guy . I'd rather have that instead of dating a man whore.

You don't think it's extra weird to be 35 or 40 without ever having kissed anyone?

It's weird, but I don't know -- must just be my background but I know such people. I'm Muslim and Arab (and female) -- I have friends who were raised in Muslim homes and had it drilled in their heads that they were only to marry a Muslim/no sex/no kissing etc. Some of these women just went with it thinking -- yeah yeah, we'll see when a Muslim guy comes calling, and meanwhile just conducted themselves as culturally Muslim -- observe holidays but otherwise have a regular life/education/profession etc -- not doing any of the super religious things like headscarves etc. Well some have turned 35 or 40, haven't found a guy their parents approve of religiously and have decided -- there are guys they want to end up with even if they aren't Muslim. So now they're undertaking the dating game at age 37 or 40 or whatever not having had sex and not having been kissed. But if you met these women -- they could be like any of your friends or coworkers -- it's not like they give off the "sitting in my parents basement for the last 20 yrs playing video games and re living the high school glory days with my 2 loser high school friends, so I'm still a virgin and no one wants to kiss me vibe." They come across as well educated, well read, interesting women from a conservative household -- but don't necessarily want such a conservative life themselves. Is it so different or so much more weird for a guy?

[Anonymous]

What's so fascinating about this thread is it shows you how women go out of their way to find reasons to not date someone. Men on the other hand, find reasons to date/have sex with someone, and they only need a few at that.